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Original poster

To think that one day I'll be dead, and none of this will matter?

55 replies

Flufferblub · 13/07/2023 21:36

I've thought in these terms since school, and I still do. Is that a weird or wrong way to think? Do other people think in these terms?

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 13/07/2023 22:49

I’ve thought like this since a teenager too. My friend died when he was 17 and he’s now been gone longer then he was alive. He went before social media and smart phones and sometimes when I visit his grave I feel utterly jealous cause I know he’s in a far better place then I am.

Sensibletrousers · 13/07/2023 22:51

Flufferblub · 13/07/2023 21:58

Thanks everyone. This has made me feel a little better, and not so weird and alone in my thinking. I tend to do this as a coping mechanism, and I do shut down a lot. A bit like in a nature documentary, when a deer stops struggling in a lioness's mouth, and accepts it's fate. It's like a freeze response.

Look up Nihilism - you’re definitely not alone 😌

ThisIsACoolUserName · 13/07/2023 23:01

Ricky Gervais, someone I look up to and who is an atheist without kids, like me, says something along the lines of:
'You're nothing for billions of years.
Then you get this 80 year stint of being a tourist on this amazing planet. Then you're nothing again, for the rest of time. So just try to enjoy it.'
It doesn't need to mean more than that.

Dibbydoos · 13/07/2023 23:02

What won't matter, OP? The stress and anxiety of everyday life? Your work? Your debts? Your relationships?

Sure loads won't matter to anyone else, but they matter to you right here and now and they matter to those you interact with in the here and now. The impact of those interactions may have no lasting impact or could be a revelation to those you've interacted with or to you.

Few of us leave legacies through our work, but if you have children, you def leave a legacy and you matter to them.

Once we move on from this life, this life won't matter to us. My advice is make sure you count here and now.

ZenNudist · 13/07/2023 23:09

Well it's true. I quite like to think that one day we will be so forgotten that everyone who ever knew of us will be dead. I also like to think about the universe will one day end. Mind you I believe in a grand plan and that there is more beyond the physical world we can see.

On a practical note it's useful to think that one day you will die and there will be jobs undone you meant to do. It's life.

gloriawasright · 13/07/2023 23:10

I am sure I saw this in a movie, but I can't remember anything about it.
The character said "in a hundred years,all this will be dust"
I comfort myself with this saying any time I have done something embarrassing.
It has been a help to me too many times 🫢

Someboysaretryintoohard · 13/07/2023 23:14

When I'm stressed, I remind myself we're standing on a rotating rock, speeding around a giant ball of fiery gas, which itself is flying through an infinite universe.

It always amazes me the way we all go around our daily lives and tend to forget this. We're so busy looking at ourselves we forget where we are in the much bigger picture

Original poster
Flufferblub · 14/07/2023 06:13

Thanks everyone. Some really interesting replies, and things to look up. I'm not a deep thinking person who went to university or anything like that. I'm disabled, and came out of an abusive marriage with children. Last night I read a message on my ds' phone where he was disrespectful to me to his father. I know that his father would laugh at/encourage his disrespect.

Any way, so it sent me in a bit of a spiral which concluded with In 100 years time (or one day sooner), I'll be dead and none of this will matter. A thought that's returned to me many times in times of stress.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheCanyon · 14/07/2023 07:00

My Grandma used to say " It's all the same a hundred years from now" and I find that comforting.

Dovetail40 · 14/07/2023 07:21

Flufferblub · 14/07/2023 06:13

Thanks everyone. Some really interesting replies, and things to look up. I'm not a deep thinking person who went to university or anything like that. I'm disabled, and came out of an abusive marriage with children. Last night I read a message on my ds' phone where he was disrespectful to me to his father. I know that his father would laugh at/encourage his disrespect.

Any way, so it sent me in a bit of a spiral which concluded with In 100 years time (or one day sooner), I'll be dead and none of this will matter. A thought that's returned to me many times in times of stress.

Sorry to hear this.

Look after yourself because you are worth it.💫

DaisyThistle · 14/07/2023 07:45

@Flufferblub I want to thank you for starting this thread when you did. I was getting really stressed about a new work project and series of presentations I have to do to new clients. Then I read your thread and remembered my 'pottering mammals' attitude which I'd lost sight of and the stress levels have dropped.

Even if the new clients hate me and complain about my incompetence, it's not the end of the world. The world will jog on and the blackberries will still be ripening on the brambles along the tow path and the fluffy baby moorhens will get their feathers. It's all fine.

Original poster
Flufferblub · 14/07/2023 07:51

Glad it's helped. It's really turned a negative into a kind of positive. Who wants to live forever any way? Sometimes I look forward to being dead, not in a suicidal way. It's just that I won't have to fill in any more forms and stuff.

OP posts:
PaperSheet · 14/07/2023 07:53

I also often think like this. Not in a bad way, just when I'm getting stressed over silly things.
Obviously serious suffering matters, I'm not saying as someone else implied above that I don't care about people living in horrible conditions or dying when they shouldn't. It's not about that. We should all make the most of our time here and help others do the same.
But if I have a complaint at work, an argument with a friend, completely embarrass the hell out of myself in one way or the other, I just remind myself that it'll all likely blow over in a few months, and even if it doesn't, in 100 years I'll be dead and everyone involved in it will be dead so really it doesn't matter enough to panic over. I genuinely find it comforting to think how small and insignificant we are. And that no matter how horrible an issue is, (again, not things like other people's horrible unnecessary deaths), one day it will all be over with.

PaperSheet · 14/07/2023 07:53

Flufferblub · 14/07/2023 07:51

Glad it's helped. It's really turned a negative into a kind of positive. Who wants to live forever any way? Sometimes I look forward to being dead, not in a suicidal way. It's just that I won't have to fill in any more forms and stuff.

And won't have to come up with any more ideas for dinner that you haven't had 850000 times already.

DaisyThistle · 14/07/2023 08:01

PaperSheet · 14/07/2023 07:53

I also often think like this. Not in a bad way, just when I'm getting stressed over silly things.
Obviously serious suffering matters, I'm not saying as someone else implied above that I don't care about people living in horrible conditions or dying when they shouldn't. It's not about that. We should all make the most of our time here and help others do the same.
But if I have a complaint at work, an argument with a friend, completely embarrass the hell out of myself in one way or the other, I just remind myself that it'll all likely blow over in a few months, and even if it doesn't, in 100 years I'll be dead and everyone involved in it will be dead so really it doesn't matter enough to panic over. I genuinely find it comforting to think how small and insignificant we are. And that no matter how horrible an issue is, (again, not things like other people's horrible unnecessary deaths), one day it will all be over with.

I really like this philosophy.

Davestwattymissus · 14/07/2023 08:02

I think like this a lot too...like why, why do I have a job, why do I care what I wear, why do I bother getting up and doing stuff each day...one day absolutely none of this will matter as I'll be gone.

Everything we do other than basic eating and keeping warm/ safe is totally artificial and created by human society. I'm not depressed and I'm quite happy with my life but if I think about it for long enough the whole fact of being a human and doing all the things humans do just seems weird and pointless.

Sensibletrousers · 14/07/2023 08:30

“Humans are just apes with anxiety.”

I’d rather be one of the other apes lol

KeepSellChuck · 14/07/2023 09:13

My brother died very suddenly on holiday a few years ago. He was divorced, living in a tiny bedsit and in debt up to his eyeballs. He must have worried himself sick about how he was going to manage. I wish I could have him back for just five minutes to give him a hug and say that none of it really mattered.

Addicted2Kale · 14/07/2023 10:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Mochudubh · 14/07/2023 11:20

I like the "pottering mammals".

I remember some scientist on a programme saying we are made of the same carbon that made up the dinosaurs, which has been recycled many times since and will be many times again after we cease to exist.

I found that quite comforting.

Also "If Earth didn't suck, we'd all fly off".

Glitterati308 · 14/07/2023 11:27

Let's say today you found out you had a week to live.. you think you would think the same? Life is short and precious and thats possibly all there is. Dont waste it moaning x

BigFatLiar · 14/07/2023 11:38

My uncle was an undertaker and used to say he worked with lots of important or irreplaceable men and they went in the ground same as anyone else, worms don't care.

Perhaps there's nothing much wrong with suicide if nothing matters, but then you never know what tomorrow will bring, it may be amazing (probably much the same as today though).

LindorDoubleChoc · 14/07/2023 11:41

I often think about my insignificance in this world. I find it comforting. For all my faults and foibles I will be entirely forgotten in about 80 years time. Don't have a problem with that!

vivainsomnia · 14/07/2023 11:44

It really depends on the context. Arguing with the neighbour, 100%. Financially, not so much.

I think it is easy up to our 40s to imagine that our day to day life in our 60s + won't matter as much as in our 30s. Until we get there, and we realise that actually, unless there is any reason to think we are about to die soon, that there is still so much to live for and that being able to enjoy a nice lifestyle for what could be 20, 30 and even maybe 40 years makes a 10 years sacrifice very much worth it.

My MIL is 95 and still so sharp mentally. She makes the most of every minute of her life and enjoys it all. She is financially comfortable and doesn't miss anything. I would hate to think that she had to worry about costs for heating, or buying little things that brings her comfort or happiness because she'd decided at 30 that it wasn't worth investing and that she should just enjoy her life then.

lostinfusion · 14/07/2023 11:49

thanks for this thread OP, DH & I had a stupid row last night & he's still sulking this morning which has put me on edge all day but what will it matter when i'm dead - this has strangely made me feel so much better & at ease