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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No text from teen abroad

37 replies

Redcurtain12 · 13/07/2023 16:31

I am not sure if I am being unreasonable but I would like to check what everyone thinks.
My DS is in year 10 and at the moment he is in Spain for a 5-day school trip. It is the first time he goes abroad for such a long time. He went for his year 6 residential for 5 days in Kent but nothing comparable to this one.
I am happy to know he is probably having a great time but i am a bit disappointed he hasn't called/texted once (he has his mobile with him). We have texted him several times and he always replies right away, but only with brief or few words looking like he is reluctant to engage in conversation. He hasn't sent any photos, not even one!!! Ok, he does like photography and he always gets annoyed with me cos i take lots of photos wherever we go.... He doesnt take selfies like many teens do, he does put photos on instagram or similar....
He is normally a very caring and affectionate boy but it looks like he doesnt need us right now (and i am ok with it), but he should know that it is important for us to hear (at least once in 5 days) where he is or what he has seen or if he is having fun.
AIBU? Once he is back, should i tell him it would have been good to hear from him properly at least once or should i just leave it?

OP posts:
heldinadream · 13/07/2023 16:35

He replied to your messages, so you know he's OK.
The rest of it is him finding his boundaries and experiencing himself as a separate individual without parents looking over his shoulder. Normal and healthy. Let him get on with it.

MILsPlates · 13/07/2023 16:37

Let him enjoy the trip without having to text you- one of the benefits of a trip is increasing independence and not being tied to his phone. Our school asks parents not to text for that reason.

The school will let you know if there are any issues.

Supernova23 · 13/07/2023 16:37

Some people are just like that, adults and kids. I have a sibling that you won't hear a word from for months unless you text her first. She was the same as a teen. If she was on a holiday, you'd not hear anything unless you made contact.

I'd just leave him to it. If you are concerned and there is a next time, just ask him to contact you when he lands.

NeverThatSerious · 13/07/2023 16:38

Well ‘no text’ isn’t true is it, given you’ve said he’s text you back every time (how many times are you texting him, he’s only away less than a week!). Lay off him, he’s finding his independence a wee bit, let him just enjoy himself.

StillWantingADog · 13/07/2023 16:38

He replied! Which is more than some of his friends will do

i’d leave it and just enjoy hearing about it when he is back.

AuroraForever · 13/07/2023 16:39

He’s answered you when you’ve text him so you know he’s fine. Leave him be to engage in what’s going on during the trip rather than him feeling obliged to be on his phone all the time in case you need an update.

TinaYouFatLard · 13/07/2023 16:39

You have had texts though. Leave the poor kid alone.

Badgerstmary · 13/07/2023 16:40

Hi op, Yabu. You said that your ds has messaged you back straight away each time you have messaged him. That is more than enough. Be proud that he is becoming independent and doesn’t need you constantly. 5 days is a pretty short trip. I used to take 40 yr 5 children away each yr for a 5 day camping trip. They weren’t allowed mobiles.
My ds is in yr 9 & about to go to S. Korea for 3 weeks with Explorer Scouts. Who knows when he will have the opportunity to contact me.

User10486743 · 13/07/2023 16:40

I wouldn't mention it as he has replied and look forward to seeing any photos when he gets home

LobsterCrab · 13/07/2023 16:40

I have a year 10 and a year 8 who were on school trips abroad earlier this year, I didn't hear much from either of them and I didn't really expect to.

HappiDaze · 13/07/2023 16:41

Time to cut those apron strings OP

User10486743 · 13/07/2023 16:43

When DS went skiing with the school the only text I got was one to say they were delayed at the airport coming home because of the weather, texting and ringing parents is not generally top of the list.

Led921900 · 13/07/2023 16:43

I would say it’s his style get used to it. My husband barely responds to text with a direct message. If his parents message something like “hey look at our new car!” Or “greetings from sunny Spain” with a photo or anything he does not respond. He doesn’t really understand it might be nice for him to.
I might be projecting but some people just don’t see the need to text or call much. (In person my husband obviously chats normally!)

Clymene · 13/07/2023 16:43

I think you should be really pleased he's having such a good time and that he's not homesick. That's what you want isn't it?

Beautifulsunflowers · 13/07/2023 16:44

Both my children were in the cubs/ scouts and their group didn’t allow phones on camps - it was so good for them to not be glued to them every 5 minutes and not have to worry about texting or answering texts from parents.
When my eldest then on a school trip in year 9 which was an outdoorsy type of trip they stated no phones and the parents at the meeting were more upset about it than the kids! Except for the scout parents who were used to it.

What I’m trying to say is that we are so used to being able to contact our children at a moments notice we often don’t think that it’s ok to not speak to them for a few days when they away with school friends and teachers who are looking after them. I think that you will hear if there’s any problems but other than that look forward to hearing all about it when they get back!

Original poster
Redcurtain12 · 13/07/2023 16:56

thanks, everyone, for your replies!

They are very useful and they have helped. I will leave it.

OP posts:
Cestfoutu · 13/07/2023 17:00

I was a languages teacher for over 30 years and went on many trips. Most trips are full on with non-stop activities to keep them busy and stop them getting up to stuff(!). Any down time is usually spent with friends socialising so they don't want to be texting mum and dad then either (looks babyish to many). He'll be busy having a great time. Alternatively some who do get homesickness are much worse if they have contact and survive better with minimal messages with home.

turkeyboots · 13/07/2023 17:00

DD was in Spain on a school trip this year and they were strongly encouraged not to be on their phones. She did send one picture of a werid bird she saw though

finewelshcheese · 13/07/2023 17:14

Perfectly normal.

ManchesterLu · 13/07/2023 17:32

Let him enjoy himself, you know he's being taken care of if it's a school trip. He will show you his photos and tell you all about it when he gets home.

TeeBee · 13/07/2023 17:34

My son is away with his mates this week for the first time. He's normally shit hot at responding to my messages but I've had three max this week. Except a few today to tell me he's run out of money :-D
Your boy will no doubt be having a whale of a time and learning to be without his parents. Let him crack on and enjoy all the stories when he's home. Its a very important learning curve for them...however hard it is for us!

Maddy70 · 13/07/2023 17:36

This is what trips are for to develop independence. Stop texting him!

Translucentwaters · 13/07/2023 17:37

I can see why you worry, I do too, but this is the part where we need to loosen our grip on dc and let them explore the world for themselves. No news is good news

MrsBlondie · 13/07/2023 17:39

YABU

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/07/2023 17:39

He is texting you though isn't he? He's not initiating a text but he is responding with short answers. I think he's probably just having too much fun

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