To think that parents need to be held accountable for their children’s actions more often?

[WillaHermione]

In this I don’t mean those of older children who may have learned the behaviour from friends, tv or computer games. I mean young children for whom the home is the most likely place they will have learned it.

I have just read an article in Edinburgh Live (on my phone so can’t link to it) where a mother is quite rightly worried about her child while the child is in nursery. The nursery is described as council run so the children are between 3-5 years old and likely attached to a primary school. The girl in the article is four years old. Two other children in the nursery have called her ugly and fucking pig, have pulled her to the ground by her hair, threatened to bring in a knife and stab her and left visible bite marks on her arm. Meanwhile all the staff appear to do is tell her not to play with them or ask her to go inside while all the other children are outside.

The behaviour of these children would be an immediate red flag for me and I would be raising it with the safeguarding lead.

OMG! That sounds absolutely horrendous OP! Kids of that age? I agree, the parents should be hauled in and told not to bring their little horrors back until they've taught them how to treat others decently, not let some poor little girl be isolated while the bullies, get to carry on as normal. Or is it that even with kids of that age, staff are scared of reprisals from horrible parents? Shocking behaviour in my opinion.

YANBU. A lot of parents just don't care. They would do if they had to face consequences for their kids behaviour.

Teenagers are a bit different, luckily mine doesn't give me any grief but if he did decide to I couldn't physically stop him from doing much, he's 15 and much taller and stronger than me.

But nursery age children? That is awful.

At that age?? 🤬

Anyone normal would raise it with staff. It sounds like a bullshit article to me

The nursery have claimed they are going to encourage the use of more positive language. MP Tommy Sheppard whom mum has also contacted has expressed a desire to contact the council himself.

I was ready to say you were unreasonable but that is very very extreme behaviour. That poor little girl!

It's a massive safeguarding risk to the other kids in the class with these children. As well it being an obvious safeguarding issue at home too for the kids behaving like this at such a young age. 😔

My child wouldn't be going back in to that situation.

parents aren’t held accountable and they’re not considered an authority re their children. I was listening to a Radio 4 programme last week about tweens/teens and mobile phones, it was suggested that it couldn’t be left to parents to monitor/set limits for phone usage as they needed to have ‘someone in authority, like schools’ to do this for them. You can’t hold parents responsible whilst eroding their responsibility, it’s happening more and more.

I've found a link OP (hope you don't mind).

It's absolutely shocking!

She did raise it with the staff.

If you read the link, it doesn't sound like bullshit at all.

I've been an early years teacher for years and worked in nurseries for years before that. I have been kicked, spat at, called a cunt, you name it. In virtually NONE of those cases were the parents lazy, stupid or unbothered by their children's behaviour - in many cases the parents themselves were bruised and exhausted and desperate for support. There was usually a complex combination of issues, undiagnosed SEN, trauma and adverse experiences, physical health problems causing overload and meltdown...sorry to be the boring one, but as usual the best remedy for extreme behavioural problems in young children is the obvious: resources, joined-up and versatile support services, early intervention. Not hammering parents who are very often near the end of their rope to begin with.

it was suggested that it couldn’t be left to parents to monitor/set limits for phone usage as they needed to have ‘someone in authority, like schools’ to do this for them. You can’t hold parents responsible whilst eroding their responsibility, it’s happening more and more.

Palm something else on to schools whose authority has been eroded because most forms of discipline might upset the little dears. Parents should be the ones disciplining their off-spring, if they encountered some from a very young age it may not be so difficult later. their role doesn't stop at birth.
Children like the horror the OP's child should be removed from the nursery for the safety of the majority.

My 15 year old is much bigger and stronger than me and undiagnosed LD so impossible to control despite my best efforts but this is a different story. However don’t underestimate the impact kids going to nursery young has on them. For some this will be learnt behaviour from other kids not always parents, for some it’ll be undiagnosed LD and for other absolutely poor parenting. Kids having kids. Uneducated people having kids etc.

@sprigatito was all this impeded on you by early years/ nursey children? If so where are they learning this behaviour from.

An angry child whose needs are not being met doesn't need to "learn" how to lash out, any more than a dog has to learn how to bark. It's instinctive behaviour and they need appropriate support - and for the adults around them to meet their needs - in order to learn to control their behaviour.

It's too easy to default to blaming parents and muttering about "they must have learned it somewhere", and it misses the point. If you don't engage with the real causes of behaviour you're never going to improve it.

@sprigatito im not talking about the lashing out. I'm referring to the fact you were called the C* word! I can't imagine it being taught at school!!