To be a little annoyed with parents

[OneandOnly40]

A few months ago I reserved my wedding dress and paid the reservation fee which was half the price. my parents then said they would pay the other half (£700). I didn’t ask, they offered.

Anyway I got a call from the bridal shop 3 weeks ago to say the dress was ready and booked in for my final fitting and collection, which was this week. I went along with my mum and when it came to paying the full balance for the dress, no offer from my mum. So obviously I paid the remainder and then my mum said to me that she would have paid it but they’ve booked themselves a holiday instead.

Aibu to feel a little annoyed by this? Especially as they offered in the first place. I know it’s their money etc, but don’t make promises you’re not going to keep.

That is really awful of them tbh, what if you didn't have funds to cover it at the time because you had relied wholeheartedly on their offer?!

Have you said anything? That's a big let down.

Terrible.

I had similar.

In laws said they'd sort and pay for a photographer. Come 2 weeks to go and their guy pulled out and nada interest in the urgency of the situation!

My parents found one and guess who ended up paying!!

Mine pull this sort of nonsense all the time

I ended up paying myself for several things at my wedding that I had not anticipated because of “we will pay for this/that” offers. I was so broke at the time too. Very annoying for you OP, and a bit gutting.

I’m sorry Op

I’ve had similar except it wasn’t time constrained - DM twice offering me a good couple of thousand, both times telling me about it for months in a big count down style but then - complete silence, never mentioned again.

Again, I never asked but it would both times it would have been very significant to my life - so why bother offering??

Yeah my mother used to pull shit like that. Some people are just knobs.

When I got married mil said she wasn't contributing as it was my parents responsibility to pay (my parents paid a third). She did want some guests tho so she offered to pay for 6 of her friends to attend (several hundred pounds) after we had confirmed numbers, done the seating chart etc she said she couldn't afford to pay so we should just cancel them. There was no point in cancelling as we still would have had to pay.

That's rubbish, I'd be upset too!!

Oh that’s a horrible thing to do. How can someone do this to their own daughter?
Bad enough to promise something and then not give it, but this is your actual wedding dress! I would have set aside the 700 as “money for DDs wedding dress” and not touched it. To casually say they spent the money on a holiday instead is just twisting the knife.

I'd have turned to my mum in the shop and looked at her to pay.

Unless she gave you budget parameters that you totally discounted, I cannot believe she did this to you (and I'm not some sort of bridezilla princess either)

I'd have had to have had it out with her. I'd have had the mother of all rows over it if my mum had done that.

That’s really sad. Unless they said they’d pay up to a certain amount and it was much higher than that

Ahhh no, that is really lousy.

That’s so unfair. Have you asked rhem why they offered and then changed their minds?! I think it would be ok to say to them you’re a little upset at the change of mind without any notice or explanation.

God what a horrible thing to do! What if you didn’t have the money? I’m so sad for you OP. I can’t tell you how upset I would have been in your position. I do hope you were able to tell how how upsetting this was.

That is really mean.

you're not being unreasonable no!

my inlaws did similar with our firt borns pram! they new my parents had paid for babies cot, so offered to pay for the pram/travel set. came with us to pic (i picked one within their budget, rather than the ones i wanted so as not to cause issue! And i paid deposit as i had debit card with me) then 3wks before baby due, shop called to arrange collection and pay final balance. so i asked what was left to pay, erm.. the whole balance! nothing paid since initial deposit! 🙈🙈 cue mad panic to pay it off so i had a car seat to bring baby home! (who arrived 2days later!) phew! 🤦‍♀️

I ABU though, as its been 15yrs and i still continue to fall for their 'we'll get XYZ' bullshit, and always end up paying!

It was almost like she had no intention of paying because she had her back to me when it came to paying.

I just wish they had told me beforehand that they had changed their mind rather then saying ‘we would have paid but….’!

They have now said they will get my accessories instead but I said don’t bother. Funnily enough there was no reply to that.

I can't believe your mum had the gall to not say anything before hand and then mention she booked a holiday instead.

Is she usually like this?

YANBU

That's more than a little annoying


It's totally rubbish of your parents...why bother offering in the first place?!

I would definitely have smiled at the shop assistant and said, “My parents have kindly said they’re paying this.”

But it sounds like she might still have rowed back on it. That’s really shitty of them.

YANBU. Obviously there’s no obligation for them to contribute, but saying they’d pay and then just changing their minds is really shitty. It’s a significant amount of money and they must have known you were budgeting for them to pay their share once they’d offered.

I’d be really upset and it’s not something I’d let go.