Would you give up your independence for this ...

[IndependentWoman321]

I've NC'd as this is possibly outing.

I own my own home via Shared Ownership (I own 40%) but have accrued a fair chunk of equity. I've been with my fiance 8 years. We essentially live together as I spend half the week at his and vice versa (most of the time).

He rents and has started to discuss wanting to buy together. I would have to sell my home as need to release the equity and can't rent out due to SO.

He has money for a deposit via inheritance and would be putting a lot more into it than I would but we would still need a shared mortgage (house prices massive in SE).

I know the money we both put in can be ring fenced and we can buy so that it's all fair, but I'm worried about giving up my independence. We are happy and no intention of splitting but what if we did, I'd have all the hassle of selling whereas I can just keep my home as it is. My long term plan was to buy more shares in the house eventually staircasing to 100%.

He can't afford to buy alone even with his bigger deposit due to house prices and earnings not keeping up.

AIBU to stay where I am?? WWYD?

Most couples have to decide to pool finances, that's just part of partnership.

If you're serious about him and want to live together then do it! You can't have it all; complete independence and all of the benefits of being together. Being in love involves some risk, that's just how it is.

I say, do it!

If you have to ask on MN whether to or not, my advice is don't do it. How old are you, OP?

When are you planning to marry? Have you not thought about living together then? Surely it isn't that far off? If you only own 40% of your property now I don't see how you would be in a worse position owning 50/50 with someone else.

Whether buying now is a good idea is a different question - you really need to check what you can afford with the predicted interest rate rises. Maybe that gives you an excuse to delay a bit. But if you are planning to marry soon I'm not sure why you would be delaying

I think you probably need to decide whether your home is more important to you than your relationship.

After 8 years it's reasonable for him to think you might want to move in with him. As you say, you can ring fence your finances and protect your independence that way.

Your DH wants to buy. In his position, if you didn't want to buy with him, I'd be questioning why not.

I'm 38 and we will marry eventually but no plans to set the date yet.

I should have put initially it's relevant that I was very badly burned in a previous relationship with an ex who threw me out of a tenancy we had together. We'd live together in the house for 5 years but it was in his name and he threw me out when he met someone else. I always said I would never get into that position again. This is different as it would be in two names.