How to structure the “your child is a bullying wee shite” chat?

[MovingAlongInWayThatIsPositive]

DD is ten and has discovered her so called bestie is ridiculing her horribly behind her back. She is also pretty unpleasant to her face. DD has inattentive ADHD and is now no longer happy to attend school. It has been a grim few days with a very unhappy DD.

I have the mum’s number. We are not exactly friendly. She seems pleasant etc.

I know some people are incredibly subtle. And I am not one of them.

** any ideas on what to say to the mum?

If this is happening in school, let the school deal with it.

Stick to facts.

Don't say "your child is making my child feel, etc." They aren't.

Should also have said stop any meetings outside school and if the mum enquires, tell her why.

This is for the school to handle, there is no way you can have this conversation yourself without it descending into chaos.

Tell school. Say nothing to the parent. Just ignore them.

From personal experience, nothing good can come from having this chat with the parent.

Email or call the school, be clear on the facts, specifically what this child has actually said/done. Tell them the impact it is having on your child and that you expect them to deal with it.

So sorry this is happening. I felt such rage and powerlessness when my son was bullied. Don't speak to the Mum. No one ever believes their child is a bully, unless there is witnessed gross physical evidence, and even then they're reluctant to. Talk to school instead, they will have a less rose tinted view. Give your daughter time to talk about what is happening - reassure her that is is not her fault, validate her feelings and help her to find ways of building other friendships.

Do not speak to the parent. They won’t believe you. Let the school deal with it.

This their precious little darling can do no wrong

It doesn't specify that this bullying is happening purely at school.

How do you suggest a school deals with it, when you don't think talking to the parent yourself would work?

Well we had no luck talking to the parents when my dgd was being bullied but I know I would want to know if she herself was bullying someone.

But generally it is best to go through the school.

It happens in school therefore the school have to deal with it. Not you. Put all that anger into typing out a factual email detailing what went on. Remember there are two sides and this girls will be different to your daughters. There maybe things you are unaware of.

I don’t want to get the third party into trouble (who has told my child what was said) and my own daughter is saying that me going to the school or any adult interference will make it way worse.

But you are the parent, the adult, and the grown up. You make the decisions. You're not your child's best friend who goes in defending them. You go straight to the school and deal with it accordingly to policy.

My son was being bullied in reception, I was happy to deal with this through school but the accused parent was not. She accused my child of being the bully. She pushed me and verbally attacked me. She ended up being cautioned by the police.

I would go to school and encourage your child to stay away from that person.

Thank you everyone! Glad you told me to approach school.