Wedding dilemma

[namechangenacy]

So I was invited to a wedding of a dear friend getting married and I was in a situation which I'm not sure I handled correctly.

Sorry this is a long one (hopefully I have got all the details in)

My friend also invited A, B and C and all their children. A, B and C, me and the bride all used to be very good friends until A suddenly stopped talking to C and unfriended C socials and flat out refused to tell anyone why. They were very close trio (A,B and C before all this) when I asked A she said C didn't speak to her anymore, didn't like her posts ect and didnt bother with her anymore. Ok fair. People grow apart.

C asked what had happened had she done something wrong. Crickets. So she said it would be best to leave the whatup group and A was making unsubtle jabs and she felt it would be best to silently leave.

Once she did A suddenly piped up that C had apparently been slagging A off to B for ages and A marriage (As husband is pretty controlling tbf) and B had been passing it all back to A for months including all personal stuff C had been going through. A has a v religious view on the world and C was a unmarried mother (by choice) and obviously A didn't want her children engaging with a women with "low morals" and B told her because she was a good friend. B admitted she liked drama and hasn't expected it go down like that.

It didn't sound right as some of the stuff C had supposedly said was about things only B knew about. Also C doesn't seem like the type to bitch behind someone's back - if she has a problem she is one of those who will just say it - she's not for everyone but I like her.

Anyway C and I continued to be friends as did the bride. C never spoke of the matter just said people who knew her could make up their own mind and continued with her life. However A and B continued to say quite unkind things about her, screen grabbing her social media and making comments in group chat. None else engaged or agreed (but I was starting to feel very uncomfortable not saying anything)

So the wedding rolls around everything's fine and I go to the toilets. Both A and B come in fixing their make up by the mirrors and they are loudly ripping C (Cs friendly with her ex so he came along with their daughter to shreds)

I go to wash my hands and who walks out of the last toilet C. She doesn't say anything, smiled weakly at me and walks off. B makes a comment at how awkward it is sniggering.

I go find C in tears outside - I hadn't shared what had been said in detail re the group chat but the gist as C was still unaware although B had stopped talking to her and she didn't chase it. C a bit tipsy and hands over her phone and shows me all the messages from B. Every single point "B" had said C had said about A, had come from B. Nothing she had said was bad even remotely.

Even though I suspected I was a bit shocked . Obviously I gave her a hug and told her it wasn't worth it and was there anything I could do ?

It got worse as As husband drunkenly squared off to C when she was on her own because she had upset his wife (As husband being a big bloke)

I don't know what to do ? Do I tell A ? I doubt C will share screenshots proving her innocence. She just silently took all this abuse and never said a thing.

I really wish I had said something in the toilet but when I think about it I don't know what I could have said ?

This is involving women mid 30s btw.

I don't know if this is relevant but A is very pretty but insecure, C is pretty but completely unaware of how pretty and B made a drunken jab at A saying that she just hated C because As husband thought she was good looking as a "bit of banter".

I realise I should have said something but what ? When I spoke to others about the situation at the time people said just don't get involved. I have ASD and this seems like teen behaviour to me.

A and B are incredibly childish.

You and the bride are wet lettuces to have continued listening on WhatsApp to A and B bitching about C without challenging them on it. By staying in the chat you've condoned it.

If I were C I'd feel just as hurt by you not saying anything in the loo as I was by A and B batching. She already had the measure of them.

Poor C.

A and B are both cunts. Particularly B

I'm team C all the way, and NONE of any of the rest of you - I mean you, @namechangenacy and the bride - come out of this looking good.

The one who was in tears needs to extricate herself from this group entirely.

In your shoes, if my friends had been screenshotting messages and bitching about someone else I was friends with, I'd have cut them off as they are the sort of people I wouldn't want to be associated with.

I can't say I blame any of the comments so far. I completely got it wrong and should have said something, not just at the wedding but before. I didn't at the wedding because I didn't want to cause a scene and the bride had asked me to try and keep things friendly if I could.

From what I knew C had been bitching about A and B completely backed it up. I had no idea what to believe. It didn't sound 100% right but C said maybe she had offended A and not realised. My kids are meshed up in this.

I just didn't think grown women would be this spiteful. I will take make a full and frank apology to C. I thought it was a personality clash and social norms aren't always glaringly obvious for me so I followed advice.

Had C not shown me those messages. I still would have liked to have said something, but I'm still struggling with what (other than you guys are absolute cunts) - which tbh A would have got lary about.

Just lay it all out in the group whatsapp. “I’ve now seen all the messages B sent to C slagging off A and about xyz. This is not a situation I want any part of anymore. You are in your 30s, not teenagers, get a grip.” And then leave the group and block them. Stay friends with the bride and C.

I had to stop reading that half way down. I find it difficult to believe a group of grown up women acting like this. Apart from C, you should all be taking a good look at yourself, absolutely embarrassing.

@Aprilx well again as above - I wasn't expecting it either but here we are.

B needs calling out on her behaviour, the shit stirring cow.

Funnily enough much the same is going on in my daughters friendship group. They’re 14.

Yes, this.

You've been a bit of a coward so far. Time to grow a backbone and put things straight. Do the right thing. Finally.

I dont understand why you are friends with B. Sounds like B was jealous of friendship between A and C and has torn that apart. A should be told the truth, she only knows what she has been sucked in and told by B.

...its only a matter of time before B turns on you

Your all right.

I have posted pretty much as @grumpycow1 has put in the group and left it then blocked B and A

I actually can't quite believe how stupid I have been if I'm honest.

If C hadn't shown me, there would have been a what if situation she had been saying x in my mind.

I don't know if the bride or (was bride) will do what she's done all along and say A and B are entitled to their feelings and I shouldn't have made a fuss. I just can't compute how people would do this to another person. But if she does I think I'm gonna distance myself tbh.

B was from all accounts close to C. Very close. I don't understand why any grown adult would do this to another for fun ? Spite why would you do this ? And then have the nerve to say she was doing it to fit in (to imply she was lead astray by C). A fully grown adult. Surely A should have just asked C outright ? I'm being thick here obviously.
As I haven't encountered this in my social groups before or maybe I just don't pick up on it.

Anyway no excuses. I asked and people have been truthful and I appreciate it. Even if it's not come across like this.

God I hope this is a one off in terms of mum groups.

You quite clearly support C in all of this, so why would you keep quiet about what you know? Not in a gossipy way, but simply leaving the WhatsApp chat with a message as posted above, why not? Do you actually want to be friends with A and B when they can act so horribly?

Poor C.

Just get rid of A & B from your life. No drama if possible, sounds like it would just end in pain for you. Then call C and say you're so sorry, you've blocked A & B, and go out for a slap up dinner with C and the bride.

Team C definitely. I'm glad you've flounced. Make sure C knows.

saw your update just as you posted. better late than never, good for you!

I'd put it on the watsapp group chat and on both their Facebook pages. That you have seen the nasty messages and they all came from B not C about A. I'd also say something along the lines of how juvenile their behaviour is. It's a shame your kids are meshed in this, I assume friends with A and Bs kids?

Make sure you tell C so she knows someone is in her corner.

Speak to bride as well and let her know that you don't want this to affect your friendship with her. If she does anything other than support you, you know she is just as bad.

I do support C. I did think no smoke without fire, maybe C had been blunt and A had taken offence and just personality clash, but something was niggling. I hands down did not think this would be the situation.

C was going through some stuff so I didn't want to say hey look x has been said this is it true" because it's all started of like it was one giant misunderstanding or a spat that would resolve itself- A would talk to C and somehow all would be ok. But it never happened.

I don't really want to be friends with A and B after finding all this out no. A knows now because I said I had seen B and Cs exchanges and each one it was B doing the bitching not C.

I doubt A will believe it tbh - I have already been deleted 🙄 which is fine. I wasn't very close to her because we just have very different views but rubbed along ok for the sake of the group and the kids (who are all sodding friends)

I'm not putting C through more hassle or worry asking her to send evidence to A when actually I don't think A deserves it tbh. She could have done that in the beginning.

The only person I'm going to focus on and apologise to is C. If she forgives me (which is more than I deserve) I will make it up to her.

I'm not sure if I haven't been a bit blind to this type of thing generally - passive aggression goes over my head usually. I could say that's my asd impacting me but better I know this is a blind spot of mine and work on it. I should have followed my gut. Fuck social niceties.

I do genuinely feel really awful, what's worse it I know C will try to see it from A and B perspective and I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't think they will give a fig about the damage they have caused anyone and will probably say "I don't owe anyone a justification" which now my brain will translate into "I'm a fucking cunt and I'm not even sorry"

Again thank you.

Sadly yes. Fecking intertwined would be a apt description esp with Bs boy.

That said there's no way around it. I don't want my child thinking she shouldn't call this shit out to keep nice.

I don't want to put it on social media. I don't think C would want that although they deserve it. She's been pretty classy throughout. I did wonder why B suddenly stopped meeting up with C and distancing herself, I though ah that just be because she's being a good friend to A. Now it seems likely that she just couldn't look C in the eye.

I however will tell the bride in detail although again her DH and A DH are also v enmeshed as well as the kids.

They sound vile poor c.

@PrimalOwl10 the irony is we all got "I'm just such a positive person" from A and B and clearly c is "toxic"

What I really dislike is - it really felt like no smoke without fire C must have done something was played on. Mud sticks.

So I'm going to try and unstick anyone I can to clear C names. She will though probably tell me to stop, it's not worth the effort or the agg.

The thing is all the things that B said although harsh were 100% (As husband is a abusive asshole ect) which makes B a Uber coward (not that I'm one to talk rn tbh)

Anyway thank you all again. I didn't want to hear a echo box, just a perspective of a outsider without the bias of "let's keep the group together"

It all sounds very childish making a scene at someone else's wedding, when they've invited and paid for you!

I didn't cause a scene and neither did C.

However in the toilets I should have said something.

As husband inserting himself and cornering C and making nasty drunk comments certainly isn't kind.

This is kinda what I mean by why I didn't say anything, because people were more focused on me not rocking the boat than calling out some assholes for their bad behaviour.

All this A, B, C stuff is a pain in the arse. Why not use proper (fake) names.

Regardless, C is obviously the victim here, and needs to ditch the rest of the vile group. It's only a matter of time before the whole group implodes anyway after all this.

A has a v religious view on the world and C was a unmarried mother (by choice) and obviously A didn't want her children engaging with a women with "low morals"

For this reason alone, A is a class-A bitch. Religious nutters are usually the most vile, judgemental people around, as has been borne out by her recent actions and bullying.