MIL after delivery

[gabrielless]

For reference, DH and I had to move in with my parents a couple of weeks before my birth (had a huge flood, ceiling beginning to collapse etc). My parents offered us to stay with them until we managed to get the house ready/or find a more permanent solution. MIL had the same space available, however didn't offer (which this doesn't bother me in the slightest, only mentioning it because it'll be relevant)

forward to my delivery, i stayed at the hospital for 3 nights, barely got any sleep and due to some
complications, was in a lot of pain/sleep deprived/struggling to breastfeed as baby didn't latch and the hospital didn't help much out in that department. when i got home, i just wanted to rest and let my husband take care of the baby so i could get through the night.

MIL invited herself in unannounced, i mentioned i didn't think id be having visitors just yet, as it was the first night and 9pm. she replied with how my parents were so lucky they'd see so much of my daughter, and my in-laws didn't have that privilege so she thought it was only right she saw her on her coming home night too.

i didn't say anything not wanting to make anyone feel unwanted upset or even make it seem like i was prioritising my parents. but after better sleep and reflecting on this, i think i'm a little P'd off at her response of my parents privilege when she didn't offer once for us to stay with her. i think the way she made the comment in the snarky tone might've been part of the reason i'm so worked up over it.

i didn't intend on having visitors, and of course living with my parents at that moment made it so it wasn't just baby, DH and I, so I didn't want MIL to feel left out, but then, AIBU to think she should've asked first at least, given the situation?

You need to get everyone on the same page regarding your expectations.

She invited herself in to your parents house or hospital? Either way I’d have given her her 10 mins and then said I was planning to sleep and she’d have to go.

Sounds like my MIL. Stand your ground now and make sure boundaries are set. You've just had a baby and need to feel calm and not stressed. She is welcome to see her grandchild, on YOUR terms.

As a mum of 2, soon to be 3 boys I am all for treating the paternal grandparents fairly, however your MIL is being an idiot. Turning up at 9pm on the first night is completely unacceptable, especially unannounced. If she didn't even offer for you to stay at her house, she can hardly be jealous of your parents seeing so much of the baby. You need to rest up and let your DH deal with his mother.

Enjoy your lovely new baby. I hope your house gets sorted soon, what a nightmare just before having a baby!

We treat those fairly will understand what someone has beeb through having an child. We put the new mothrer absolutely wholeheartedly first and we dont pressure her at all.
This email will demands push, have expectations and don't put rhe mums firstly do not deserve to be treated fairly at all.

YANBU. I wouldn’t have let her in.

She was clearly there to see the baby not you: you should have just let her take the baby for a bit while you got some rest. That was your plan anyway right? What does it matter if DP and his Mum are playing with the baby by themselves downstairs. Honestly as a new mum you need to use a bit of common sense and start viewing guests for what they can do for you. Even the cuntiest cunt can be useful for something!

9 o’clock the night you left hospital and uninvited? Totally unreasonable.

3pm, with a casserole, flowers and offering to do the laundry/ironing/any cleaning is acceptable.

Congratulations on your baby.

I always feel sorry for the MIL’s because I think that they are viewed as imposing, or as though them wanting an equal relationship with their grandchildren as the woman’s parents is viewed as pushy.
As a mother to all boys, I fear this future possibility.
Having said that, I would have offered my home and not turned up at 9pm!