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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be terrified.

11 replies

myyve · 11/07/2023 15:37

After 3.5 years of trying to conceive with absolutely no luck, just heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak, we have finally got our first appointment in August to get the ball rolling on our journey to IVF.

I feel terrified, and honestly I don't know why.

For context, I'm 26. DH is 29. We have been together 11 years and have always dreamed of having children. It would make our world complete. We have traveled most of the places we desperately wanted to see, done things we've always wanted to do, and children is the next step for us.

We have been TTC for a long time, and I have had various tests and referrals to different parts of the hospital to find out what's stopping us from conceiving. I've been given the all clear each time. DH has now had 2 sperm checks, and he has had a low count reading on each test. So this is where our struggle lies. Throughout the hardest and most heartbreaking parts of our journey, I was also mis-referred to the gynaecologist for checks as the dr had managed to mix my notes up with a different lady who was having recurrent miscarriages.. so I went along to the appointment, only to realise that of course that area couldn't aid us in our struggles with TTC. After a lengthy battle with the drs they agreed to send a covering letter off explaining the mis referral to the IVF clinic and we have been contacted MUCH faster than I ever thought we would be, to get the ball rolling. First initial meeting with the clinic is early august.

Throughout the height of TTC over the last 3.5 years, a baby is literally all I've been able to think about. But now it's a reality, and it could really happen, I feel terrified. I think it's because I know there are chances that this won't work. And if it doesn't, what do I do?! I'm scared. I long to be a mummy, and it's all we both want.. so why am I now feeling this waySad

I'm also terrified of the medical procedures I will endure. I know it's a small price to pay for our dream, but I just feel extremely wobbly about everything.

OP posts:
myyve · 11/07/2023 15:38

So.. am I being unreasonable now feeling terrified about something that 2/3 years ago, I'd have been overjoyed about?!

OP posts:
myyve · 11/07/2023 16:01

Little bump...

Feeling really anxious, and could do with some guidance! Xx

OP posts:
heldinadream · 11/07/2023 16:05

Oh all your feelings sound totally understandable OP! It's such a massive thing to be going through. Any chance of you getting some counselling for support and to explore all the feelings?

babasaclover · 11/07/2023 16:09

Hello, I'm sorry you're having trouble. I'm the other side of the battle with a wonderful seven year old.

The NHS was an absolute shambles. They even sent me two appointments at the same place where people were having their 12 week baby scan, that's where I had to go to be investigated. It was terrible. But honestly once you get through to the right person at the IVF clinic, the treatment is amazing, and yes it may not work, but being glass half full It's certainly could. Good luck with your battle. It is also worth it.

TonTonMacoute · 11/07/2023 16:11

It’s a big step on your journey but it’s not a magic bullet certainly. I’ve been a little way down that path, and it is an ordeal.

You might want to ask to have this moved onto the IVF forum if you need more constructive suppprt.

Best of luck OP

ManateeFair · 11/07/2023 16:14

It is totally normal to feel scared about something like this - completely understandable. It's a huge thing in your life and this all part of the rollercoaster of emotions that most people would feel in your situation. You know you've got a lot ahead of you, and of course you are bound to be very apprehensive about it all. I'm completely certain that when you finally have your baby in your arms you'll be ecstatic and that you'll be a fantastic mum, but if anything it would be weird if you weren't feeling a bit wobbly at this point, after all you've been through in the last 3.5 years! Plus, it's worth remembering that excitement and fear are actually very similar emotions and it's very easy for excitement to tip over into fear and vice versa - that's why people enjoy things like theme park rides and scary films, and why we get the same butterflies in our stomach when we're waiting for something exciting that we get when we're about to sit an exam.

Is there a chance you could maybe have counselling sessions to help ease your anxiety a bit?

Igmum · 11/07/2023 16:20

Totally normal to feel terrified (I did). I'd recommend doing something relaxing because stress really doesn't help (I know, I know easily said). I had acupuncture because there are plenty of studies showing that it helps with conception. Good luck Flowers

Jenandberri · 11/07/2023 16:21

Ivf was not as bad as I expected by a long way I had 6 cycles and it really wasn’t as awful as I’d read so please don’t worry

caringcarer · 11/07/2023 17:03

I know a lady who had IVF. She got lucky on her 3rd cycle. You have to try to relax and not stress. I know that must be hard but she told me keeping relaxed was important. Also she did get disappointed when her period came the first 2 times.

myyve · 12/07/2023 12:17

I think it's the fear of it not working that makes me anxious. This is our only chance 😟

OP posts:
FranticHare · 12/07/2023 12:31

Firstly - Good Luck! IVF is a bit of a bumpy road - there are definitely highs and lows. Where we went the nurses and doctors were wonderful - and only ever a phone call away. A real incite into private medical care!

It will become all consuming - my main recommendation is to make sure your and your OH make a point of talking about other things, and get a hobby quick if you don't have one! Take up knitting/crochet, get some jigsaw puzzles - anything that can just help "take your mind off" what you are going through, or at least act as a de-stresser. Especially in the dreaded 2 week wait window between implantation and testing!

Oh - and think about telling someone trusted at work. I had a good friend who knew what I was going through and that really helped - she could cover for me when needed, and it was good to know someone had my back. Especially on the failed rounds - my moods could be fantastically awful! She would subtly move people away from me and take on their issues herself - something I acknowledged / repaid her back for - but she'll never fully get how much her actions were appreciated by me!

Up in the wall in our clinic was a poster - "Everything will be OK in the end. If its not OK, its not the end". Some will find this twee, or stupid, or any other number of things. I held onto that thought - and it really was all OK.

I now apply the same quote to my teenagers....

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