To take some time off working?

[ToQuit]

Was made redundant in June 2020, so took some time off while things settled. Which was helpful as my DD had surgery in December 2020 and due to that and lockdown ended up missing the majority of that school year.

Got another job in August 2021 and have worked at it since. Was offered a promotion in March this year.

But I can’t keep doing it. My DD has a disability so I have to be available for appointments, and due to accidents at school I have to pick her up a lot to.

I’m a single parent, financially I’m no better off working than I would be on UC+CB+DLA and I could also claim Carers Allowance if needed. Mentally I’m exhausted, I can’t keep all my plates spinning, DDs melting down due to having to be in childcare, I feel tired all the time because I’m staying up to fill out her paperwork and I never get time to myself as we’re either home or at school/work. She goes to her dads 1 night a month so not even a proper rest to catch up.

I just need a break. I want to sleep, go for a coffee with my friend in the daytime for a bit of me time etc. I'm WFH today due to DD being ill, and I'm getting nothing done. Can't WFH full time its just not an option that would suit me, I hated it during lockdowns and loved once I was in the office with real human adults again.

I feel guilty just quiting though as I love my job and the people I work with. I love the freedom it gives me to feel like someone other than DDs mum/carer, I love using my skills and I love the organisation I work for they're so understanding and caring. No option to cut down hours, I’m already considered part time as I work in school hours but still need childcare for 45 minutes per day due to my start and end times and my commute.

WIBU to quit? Or do I just keep going and make it work?

You have to do what's best for yourself/your family. I can't imagine how tough this is for you balancing everything. Whether yoy quit work or not, can your DD's dad not have her more? 1 night a month is hardly fair on you

Its difficult as only you really know what is best for you. It must be a really hard decision and there is no right or wrong answer. The only thing i would ask you to consider is do you find work in the office a break from the home duties? If so be careful about putting yourself 100% at home. Good luck OP, only advice is do what is best for you as a happy momma is also a happy baba xx

@QWE96 He won't have her more, I've asked he always just says he's happy with the level of contact.

@123becauseicouldntthinkofone I love the office, like I said it gives me freedom to be something other than mum/carer, I even love my commute on packed out trains. I'm using my skills and although it doesn't feel like a rest because I'm still on the go and doing things, I do enjoy it.

I think if you had a chunk of time before and felt that worked for you don't feel guilty giving up work to do what you need to do if it'll be best for you and your child. From a work point of view I'd worry if I felt I'd be totally isolated and not see anything outside my 4 walls, also long term pension but it might feel like that's something you can't prioritise now as sometimes you have to live for today to get through. It sounds really tough . A decision you make now doesn't gave to be forever .

If you aren’t financially better off and it is causing you such stress then I personally would quit, if that’s what you want.

No one can really tell you the right answer but you certainly wouldn’t be unreasonable to quit.

Is there any option to take a sabbatical for 6 months? Keep options open.

That is what I struggled with during maternity my loss of autonomy, I suddenly became DS mum, OH Mrs, OH Baby mamma, and everyone seemed to forget i was 123becauseicoulldntthink of one

All fine in the short term and then what?

I was there, the 'idiot' working mad hours for an income that once all work related costs were paid, left me with little more disposable than if I'd quite and claimed benefit. Some friends in the same situation did, I work through it.

It got easier once the youngest started secondary school and all in a sudden, I was richer by £450 a month.

The came the time they stopped education. By then I had been promoted and losing CB didn't really phased me.

Ive now reached the point I can decide to continue working, reduce my hours or even retire in my mid 50s. Life is great.

My single benefit claiming friends really struggled when they lost all child related benefits and maintenance. Had to take low pay work as out of employment for so long. They are exhausted, stressed with very little disposable income, worried about the cost of everything and can't see a way out of it. Two are claiming sick benefits now, always stressed about reassessments. One is working FT and hates her job but can't really change and can't see a way out. Two remarried and are very unhappy in their relationship but staying because of the financial comfort.

Don't do it OP. All you do is an investment for you and your child. It will get better. Hold on.

In the circumstances you have, if one of my team opened up to me about their life and how they were finding it - I'd be suggesting some kind of respite for you. Whether that's dropping a day a week or something that would allow me to keep you and you to do what you need to do for you.

We had a situation in the past where a staff member was having a challenging time at work and we allowed her paid time off to manage it 2 mornings a week. It went on for about a year but now she's back and 100% at work.

Can you afford to take some parental leave, OP?
Maybe a chunk of time off to reset and weigh up your options might be a good choice?
You may come out of that thinking you can’t wait to go back to work, or you may find that you would rather quit.
Whatever you decide, you’re definitely not being unreasonable

I second this. I would do this for my staff in a heartbeat.