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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do about DC party invite non-responders?

26 replies

Beetleback · 11/07/2023 10:33

DC is having a party at a venue that charges £25 a head.

Most invitees are people I know the parents or at least have a mobile number so I can chase up RSVPs.

However, there's a few where I've had to give out paper invites with my mobile number on and I've heard nothing back.

I need to confirm numbers with the venue.

What's the etiqutte here - just assume non-RSVPs aren't coming and then risk someone turning up and having to be sent home? Or spend money on places just-in-case a non-RSVP shows up?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 10:34

I realise I didn't frame that as an AIBU ....AIBU to not book a place for people who haven't RSVPed?

OP posts:
noglow · 11/07/2023 10:34

Assume no show and then get strict when the inevitably turn up on the day

GwinCoch · 11/07/2023 10:36

If you can’t chase them up then assume a no and that’s that. If people turn up unannounced on the day then they can pay.

Kimchikitchen · 11/07/2023 10:45

The ones you don’t have contact details for

school or nursery mums presumably?

Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 10:46

GwinCoch · 11/07/2023 10:36

If you can’t chase them up then assume a no and that’s that. If people turn up unannounced on the day then they can pay.

I'd be happy to pay for anyone who showed up unannounced, it's just unlikely to be an option that we can tack on extra people on the day as the venue gets booked up.

OP posts:
Kimchikitchen · 11/07/2023 10:46

How did you give out? Paper invites if given to young children have a habit of being lost!

Kimchikitchen · 11/07/2023 10:47

Is this a whole class party?

GwinCoch · 11/07/2023 10:48

Beetleback · 11/07/2023 10:46

I'd be happy to pay for anyone who showed up unannounced, it's just unlikely to be an option that we can tack on extra people on the day as the venue gets booked up.

Show quote history

Well then they get turned away, you can’t magic up more venue capacity than is available. Are you only doing stuff there or is there cake and stuff at home later that they could come to? A bit of a compromise? Although to be fair you shouldn’t have to compromise, most people should get that you need to RSVP to an event at a booked venue…

Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 10:50

No it's not a whole class party. I have contact details for everyone at school. The ones we don't are friends DC has made through out of school clubs/activities. Paper invites were handed to parents when they were collecting their DC from the activity.

OP posts:
Jules912 · 11/07/2023 10:56

If it's a big party I find the one or two who turn up without RSVPing cancel out with the one or two who don't turn up/cancel last minute but may depend how strict your venue is.

Catspyjamas17 · 11/07/2023 10:58

Text the ones I had numbers for, speak to the others in person or ask others if they have contact details for them.

Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 11:40

Catspyjamas17 · 11/07/2023 10:58

Text the ones I had numbers for, speak to the others in person or ask others if they have contact details for them.

For these people I don't have contact numbers and am unlikely to see them in person or anyone who might know them before the party. So ball is entirely in their court as to whether they RSVP.

OP posts:
Kimchikitchen · 11/07/2023 16:04

How many are we talking here OP?

PureLife89 · 11/07/2023 16:32

On the invite you state people need to RSVP by a certain date

If you haven't heard from people by that date then you treat it as a No, they aren't coming

If they still turn up or get in touch after the date, tough

WoolyMammoth55 · 11/07/2023 16:35

From my experience you'll get a handful that you've paid for who will back out on the day due to illness/ bad night/ little darling just isn't in the mood today. (Some will text in the morning but some will just not show up!)

So that will give you those handful of places to swap out for the cheeky non-RSVPers who show up unexpectedly!

Most likely it will be ok on the day :)

melj1213 · 11/07/2023 16:38

What kind of numbers of non-RSVPing are we talking here?

If it was one or two and I could afford it then I'd probably book the extra places just in case but any more than that, or if I couldn't eat the cost of unused places, then unfortunately the non-RSVPers will just have to take their chances that there is space on the day.

For future reference whenever I did a party for DD where I needed definitive numbers up front I would always make it explicit on the invitation that no RSVP = no space "Due to the limited capacity of Party Venue and them needing a final headcount by 11/07 if I have not received your RSVP by 10/07 then I will have to assume Child cannot attend. If you turn up on the day without RSVPing then there is a risk your child will not be accommodated and will be turned away by Party Venue Staff".

Clarinet1 · 11/07/2023 16:41

My worry if I assumed the non-RSVPs weren’t coming would be dealing with wailing children and their (unreasonable) irate parents! It’s a complicated issue; Could you perhaps take a stab that some of the non-RSVPs will turn up and perhaps a couple of those who have replied will drop out?
Alternatively could you explain the situation to the venue and see what they suggest?

Meeting · 11/07/2023 16:44

No RSVP, no place.

Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 17:07

melj1213 · 11/07/2023 16:38

What kind of numbers of non-RSVPing are we talking here?

If it was one or two and I could afford it then I'd probably book the extra places just in case but any more than that, or if I couldn't eat the cost of unused places, then unfortunately the non-RSVPers will just have to take their chances that there is space on the day.

For future reference whenever I did a party for DD where I needed definitive numbers up front I would always make it explicit on the invitation that no RSVP = no space "Due to the limited capacity of Party Venue and them needing a final headcount by 11/07 if I have not received your RSVP by 10/07 then I will have to assume Child cannot attend. If you turn up on the day without RSVPing then there is a risk your child will not be accommodated and will be turned away by Party Venue Staff".

Yes I should have thought this through - I’ve never invited anyone before where I didn’t already have the parents contact details so although I did an invite it was really just for show.

DC decided they wanted last minute that they wanted to invite friends from the club they go to and I quickly printed out the invites which have nothing but the basic details (date, time, venue, RSVP to mobile number).

OP posts:
Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 17:11

Kimchikitchen · 11/07/2023 16:04

How many are we talking here OP?

Four people - so £100 worth. Which I can afford to pay (as I wouldn’t have agreed to invite those numbers otherwise!). But I can think of plenty of things I’d rather do with £100 other than spend it on the off chance people will turn up to a kids party.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 11/07/2023 17:13

GwinCoch · 11/07/2023 10:36

If you can’t chase them up then assume a no and that’s that. If people turn up unannounced on the day then they can pay.

This is what I would do. It is so rude not to RSVP. If they turn up they will have to pay, tough shit.

Original poster
Beetleback · 11/07/2023 17:22

drpet49 · 11/07/2023 17:13

This is what I would do. It is so rude not to RSVP. If they turn up they will have to pay, tough shit.

Show quote history

If they turn up they’ll probably have to go home as the venue is likely to be fully booked. They’d only have a space if I paid for one in advance.

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 11/07/2023 17:29

The club probably wouldn't give you the contact numbers but could you ask the club secretary, or similar, to forward an email from you to the parents as a huge favour?

I would definitely follow up for something that is that expensive. It could have slipped their minds because of everything going on with the end of term.

My DC have birthdays that occur in the Summer holidays. We had a horrible experience where only one of the children invited by one of my DC turned up to the party. Fortunately being twins there were the children that my other DC had invited so the party wasn't a complete debacle. I had written in the invites that if they couldn't make it they should let me know, but they didn't. I think they simply forgot and I wished I had followed up with them.

Maddy70 · 11/07/2023 17:34

Assume not attending. If they do you will have to say to them that they aren't booked in as you didn't reply to say attending

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 11/07/2023 17:36

Presume you put a date to rsvp by on the invite? So if the date has passed then i would presume thry are no shows.

Anyone who hasn't rsvp'd i would presume a no, and i wouldn't pay just in case, and i wouldn't pay on the day if they randomly turned up