To be annoyed that he didn’t tell me about his ex?

[DairyMilk76]

I’ve been dating a guy for around 5-6 months now. He rang me this morning as he was upset about something that happened at work, and he mentioned the fact that his ex girlfriend actually works with him - it’s the girlfriend that he had before me and she really hurt him, they split up about 18 months ago.

He was really annoyed because he felt like someone he didn’t get on with in the office was purposely being friendly with his ex in front of his face to wind him up.

Firstly AIBU for being annoyed that he failed to mention that he works with his ex every single day? And secondly AIBU for not having much sympathy and thinking that there’s still feelings there for him to be bothered by this?

Yep, he's definitely still got feelings for her otherwise he wouldn't be bothered. In your position I'd be worried I was a place holder who'd soon be dropped if she were to change her mind

Just walk away OP, this is waaay too much drama and it won't get better.

He was really annoyed because he felt like someone he didn’t get on with in the office was purposely being friendly with his ex in front of his face to wind him up.

This strikes me as the issue. He's annoyed that someone is trying to use his love life to get a rise out of him.
In his situation I'd be irritated too even if I had no romantic feelings for my ex because the person is clearly an arsehole looking to create conflict and trouble.

On the flip side, it's been 5 months, it bothers you, and early relationships are meant to be fun. You know the conversation you had with him and if you're left feeling like a placeholder then life's too short to waste your time on a rollercoaster relationship.

YANBU on either count, but what should put you off even more is that he rang you to say how upset he was about this. He didn't consider your feelings at all. Put this one back in the pond for someone else to hook!!

Him not saying he works with his ex wouldn't bother me that much, the fact it sounds like he isn't really over it would. I'd move on personally.

Neither of these things are necessarily true.

OP, I think what's far more strange is he didnt tell you ahe worked there!

Well, presumably he is wound up which would suggest he still cares. Personally this would make him of no interest to me!

I’m usually pretty easy going with stuff but this would annoy me, OP. He should have told you. I would also be concerned that he is having such a reaction to this situation!

And why is he telling you??

He feels disrespected by the other person at work and he rang to vent about it. Not necessarily an issue. He feels hurt still by the relationship, not the same thing as "having feelings for her". Also not necessarily an issue.

But i do think it's really weird he never told you she worked there too!! So all things combined id be very suspicious!!

Maybe he was trying to block her out though, whats his reason for not telling you before? Maybe hetl thought you'd feel threatened? He's not hiding it now though?!

How come you never talked about previous relationships and why they didn't work out in the 5-6 months you've been together? Surely this is a pretty normal topic to go over when trying to get to know how someone really ticks? Or did he just slip out of answering questions about his past? Doesn't sound like a very promising start to a relationship - establishing trust, openness and honestly are usually a pretty good foundation to start building from.

Well yes. Its a pretty big thing NOT to mention! I mean maybe not mention it on the first date, but this far in I would have expected to have been told this.

And yes, weird he is annoyed about someone else in the office being friendly to her. Seriously. Why should he care if he is no longer bothered with her?

It all sounds a bit teenage school kid behaviour. Ner ner I'm chatting up your ex.
I would bin him off tbh
Find someone who doesn't work with their ex