I’m sat here, wide awake in complete denial and regret for having done so but I cannot take any more of the awful things and ways my husband treats me. Over the years I’ve been told I have cankles, that I am ugly. I am called a cunt often for the smallest of triggers (missed a turn on sat nav when directing etc). When our DD was born I forgot her woolly hat, so we had to turn back down the street, he sighed and said for fucks sake and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the journey. I am constantly made to feel like I irritate him just for being me which has led to me behaving in a way that ensures I won’t irritate him (e.g. not buying as much as I would normally in a supermarket if he is waiting as I know he’ll get angry and swear at me).
Leaving him had already been on my mind but it came to a head sooner tonight. DC2 would not settle with him at bedtime, so I went in. He refused to move and was frustrated that I had backed down on him doing bedtime. I explained it was late etc, he told me to ducking choke as he left the room under his breath. As I got into bed DC (3) told me that daddy had put his hand over their mouth (as if to shush them) and had acted mad when they were crying. I went downstairs to confront him, he told me I was poisonous and blamed me. He denied the hand over mouth. I told him to keep noise down and he walked up to me in hallways and called me a cunt. I went upstairs cuddled my child and sent him a message instructing him to leave.
He is generally a good dad, but recently and more and more he is modelling his irritation of me in front of kids. My toddler child repeated him and called me an embarrassment the other day and has started using the same disrespectful phrases husband does to me during the day. I feel numb and already mourning for the family unit I have always craved. Where do I go next, do I try marriage counselling? Do I give him the option to seek help for his anger and inability to manage his emotions? My priority is protecting my children. I don’t even care about me. Please be kind in so anxious and have to hold it together for my babies in a few hours.