Another WIBU with night responsibilities

[fightthenight]

Interested in peoples views on this set up

Person A sorts all baby wakings through the night, so feeds, nappy changes, putting dummy back in etc, on average this involves being up 3-4 times through the night

Person B sorts all child wakings. Most nights there aren't any but sometimes child goes through phases of coming into bed in the night or waking crying and needs seen to. Maybe 3 times a month roughly. But child wakes early so person B is up every single morning from 6.

Person B struggles to sleep well so often wakes when baby does, doesn't have to actually do anything but is getting a disturbed sleep. Person B feels ill-done to having to get up with the child every morning while person A usually catches up on lost sleep and doesn't get up until 7.30/8am.

Person A does not feel ill-done to for doing all baby stuff, but does get annoyed at Person B for complaining about lack of sleep as technically they have the option of turning over and going back to sleep. Person A feels that if anyone is going to 'play martyr' it should be them for taking sole responsibility for the baby.

Does either party seem unreasonable for getting annoyed/feeling ill-done to in this scenario?

Do you really think this has disguised who you ate?

Does anyone work while all this is going on ?

How old is the baby? Alternate nights and mornings and then it's fair.

@JulianFawcettMP 😂 yeah I did think I had disguised myself. Obviously not 🕵️‍♀️ unless you're wrong ofc

@HaveANiceFuckingDay yes Person B works 3 days a week so on those days Person A gets up at 7am to take over child duties

@Lovingitallnow baby is 4 months

I think person a needs the sleep and person b can suck it up

When people are sleep deprived, then it is likely they are grumpy, so I don't think anyone is being unreasonable or for feeling hard done by, no.

However, pretty simple to resolve, by doing alternate weeks, (or nights or whatever works for you as a couple) if not breastfeeding.

If person B feels hard done to can the roles be reversed?
Person B deals with the baby since they're waking anyway. Person A sleeps blissfully until 6am.
Unless Person A is bfing.

Is there a spare room B can go to?

Is there a spare room? Often me and husband would sleep separately when babies were that little so that one could get uninterrupted sleep. Or he could sleep on sofa?

We are in the same situation except person B ends up in a single bed in toddler's room to deal with the toddler wakings and if ebf baby is particularly needy. Person A is generally awake with baby a few times a night so catches up on sleep if possible until B leaves for work. Person B is up from 6.30 with toddler but often doesn't wake when baby wakes or is in toddler room anyway so gets more chunks of undisturbed sleep than A.

We don't alternate because of ebf as otherwise on the nights alternated Person A would be up with baby then up for the day at 6.30 on very little sleep. When B goes away with work though A has to do it all alone (twice a month for a few days). B gets uninterrupted sleep and lie ins whilst away with work.

We have a no moan rule about tiredness here!

I could have written this word for word (except baby is 3 months and DH works 5 days) I’m person A and personally I think this is the fairest scenario (ebf youngest so no option to swap). Every once in a while, if the baby is up and awake for the day early and I don’t feel completely exhausted I’ll try and be the one to get up and take everyone downstairs (then usually feel like a zombie for the day and regret it!)

It’s called having kids and both persons have to suck it up - it’s hard

wr find alternating nights and early wakings keeps things fair
you would of course have to factor in working. Days to that mix

bht your current routine seems fair to me at the moment with a newborn still waking a lot

person B really needs to suck it up and go sleep in spare room or get some ear plugs. 6am everyday isn’t that bad - trust me..

If person A is breastfeeding so they can’t alternate with you then person A is probably not the right person to be complaining to about disturbed sleep. They will be sleep deprived themselves.

So, perhaps suck it up, accept that disturbed sleep is part of being a parent to infants and young children and complain to someone who has had a good nights sleep. They will have the energy to deal with your negative emotions and might even have the energy to respond with empathy and compassion.

Then go and give person A a big hug and tell them that they are doing an awesome job. 🙂

Person A is getting a rougher deal here so person B needs to suck it up

@ImustLearn2Cook think this hits the nail in the head. Completely fair for person B to be tired but banging on about getting up at 5:45 to person A when they've been able to sleep all night is 👀

So obv I'm person A, EBF so doing all feeds and not asking DP to do anything else for baby in the night like nappies. DP slept in spare room last night. Baby woke 4 times in the night, I've just come downstairs (woke at 8.15am but then did morning feed) and DP is complaining they've been up since 5.45 with the child 🙈 when I said I'd been up 4 times they said "not too bad then" 😭😂 what is life with kids!!!

It sounds like person B is the only one of the two working, so not sure you’re right there!

Why are you making it a competition? It isn’t. Stop putting yourselves against each other and recognise it’s shit both of you.

DH and I in exact same situation; I EBF baby and he does toddler night wakes (though our toddler wakes 2-3 times each night and gets up between 5 and 6).

When he says he’s tired because he’s been up since 5.45 why can’t you just say “I’m sorry, it’s shit isn’t it” and bond together?

Because getting up so early every single day is shit. Whichever of you has it worse, both situations are shit and you should be working as a team.