Am I being dramatic to still feel impacted by this?

[Sadlop]

I’m in my thirties. I still struggle with things I was told as a child. I’ve had therapy and it helps but I also find the therapy draining and emotionally challenging. I don’t know if these are things that would just roll off the back of most people? Is there something wrong with me?! Too sensitive perhaps?

I have memories of my mum saying why wasn’t I more like ‘Jane’ from school (or anyone, really), ‘Jane is so chilled out why don’t you be more like that?’ Other comments like I was an attention seeker, ‘it’s all about Sadlop’, I was difficult, I always wanted to be the centre of attention… things like this all the time. I think about them often and I sometimes find myself panicking a bit around my family and monitoring my behaviour in case they say it again… all these years later! They do still make comments like this but it’s from when I was small that I remember with pain. I felt so small and embarrassed and afraid to speak up for myself, which doesn’t really match up with their descriptions of me, if you see what I mean? I was quite quiet at school and shy, but at home I was probably louder and maybe how they said I was.

Sorry, this is jumbled isn’t it. I guess I’m just wondering if I’m too in my head, do most parents say these things, is it just a part of growing up?

I don't think you're overreacting at all, although I know myself how hard it is to not doubt yourself over these kinds of memories .

I had different kinds of abuse from different perpetrators, but the hardest for me to deal with has been the verbal and emotional abuse and constant invalidation from a parent with the other parent enabling it.

It is hard because often we are told we are "oversensitive "or that nothing really happened" or even "verbal abuse doesn't count". For me therapy has helped a lot with this and also validating myself and my experiences as real and genuine. To start with I didn't used to be able to do that and would constantly ask for reassurance from therapist that I wasn't being overdramatic.

You may find it helpful to go on an internet forum like isurvive.org, they are really helpful. You may need to be assured often that what happened to you wasn't ok and that is ok to feel sad or angry about it. Don't beat yourself I for having this need for reassurance. It is normal for people from dysfunctional families to feel this way.

I found Darlene Ouimet's page on Facebook Emerging From Broken very helpful also. And the "But We Took You To Stately Homes" thread in the Relationships board on here.

I feel sad for the girl you once were. What happened to you was not your fault and it was not ok.

💐

@3GuineaPigs thank you so so much x

You're very welcome. All the best .