Are you quiet/shy/introverted? If so, do you have many friends?

[Bobski123]

I am all of the three to some extent. Unfortunately, people seem to run a mile from me because of it. Polite conversation, sure, they seem to think I'm a nice person and generally kind, helpful etc. But spend time with/become close friends with? No chance.
I've always believed that people are more drawn to very high energy/extroverted types, and I know some people like this who other flock to, they're out every weekend with various friends and always texting or calling people.
I've never felt appreciated for who I am and feel less worthy as a person.
I think I'm quite interesting. I speak multiple languages, have lived in a few countries, I have several hobbies, and so on. I'm not trying to big myself up but I think I have things to offer.
Most people just don't want to know. I am not mute, I do show interest in people, try to have a laugh, be personable. However, if they pick up on a hint of shyness/nervousness, that's it, goodbye.
I have one friend, I have a partner who loves me at least, I feel more comfortable with him because he doesn't try to change me.
It just feels a very lonely life sometimes and that I don't fit in. Does anybody else feel like this or have these kinds of experiences. Thank you

I must say, I was watching a dating show this week and some contestants who were as I described, very high energy, very bubbly and chatty, were actually rejected by people for it. I'm not saying it's right, but it was refreshing to actually see someone favouring a more quiet, calm personality type because I feel it rarely happens.

This is me all over. I have 4 main friends, all are similar to me and all have come about in different circumstances. 1 from clubs at school, 1 daughter of a parent's friend, 1 from a hobby as an adult, 1 from a previous work place.

You sound really lovely and I doubt it's anything to do with your personality.
It can be crippling being so introverted in terms of being unable to speak with people in that way. I can hardly speak to anyone at the school gates through nerves and being so quiet.

Yep that resonates with me, I am only realising in my late 40s how introverted I am. I’m sorry you’ve never felt worthy, OP. One thing I would say to you is that being liked is really no sign of your value. Think of the most popular films/songs/foods, they’re almost never the best ones. That probably sounds weird but it’s true.

I have lots of acquaintances but only 4 or 5 I would call real friends. I’m not sure how old you are but I’m 43 and struggled with being this way until recently.

I am introverted but not in the least shy or antisocial. I just need to be by myself to relax and recharge. I have plenty of friendly acquaintances but a tiny handful of really close friends. Suits me fine.

Thank you for your replies, sorry to hear others feel the same way.
I just wish I could be appreciated, but often people think you're boring, have nothing to say, or being even slightly nervous/shy just really puts them off and makes them feel very awkward.
I'm 32, my only current close friend is an older Christian lady who I've known for about 10 years. I get the impression she even finds me boring sometimes.
I have some old schoolfriends but I don't count them as close friends, they have never seen my flat, very rarely check in, haven't seen them since Christmas, it's me making majority of the effort.
So I just class them as acquaintances now.

I have to make a herculean effort to maintain local friendships - such as mums who want to meet up weekly. I just don't have enough small talk for that so I really need to pep talk myself first!

My two best friends (one from childhood, one from uni) I see once a year due to distance and we talk solidly for 3 days. But I haven't made a friend like that in adulthood. Sometimes I think I'm more attached to work colleagues than they are to me because of it.

I am introverted but have a lot of friends. Sorry, I know that probably isn't what you want to hear, OP. Why not join a group based on one of your interests - knitting circle, book group, for example? If you practise talking to plenty of people you'll get better at it. Ask them questions - people love talking about themselves!

I’m an introvert but not shy. I have a lot of friends, and socialise a lot, but I think one thing that would characterise most of the friendships is that I met and got to know the person when we were doing something that we both really loved doing, or having lots of fun; which allows personality to shine through.

It sounds like you might be coming across as a bit aloof: shyness can often come across to an outsider who doesn’t know that you are simply shy as rude, negative or uninterested, and that’s what puts people off. Most people like to spend time with people who they feel they can have a good time with, who put them at ease make them feel comfortable, make them laugh, make them feel happy. What sort of a friend do you think you are? What qualities do you look for in a friend and do you think you replicate those? Are there any groups you could join where you’d have an opportunity to more easily display your real personality, best qualities and what makes you happy to others because you’d be doing something you enjoy and meeting likeminded people?

Do you think there's any possibility that as you are making friends with someone they misinterpret your shyness as reticence? Generally people look for signs that the other person is also interested in pursuing the friendship, and shyness can come across as aloofness, even if you think you're being open. The other thing in the same vein is to make sure you are being proactive when getting to know people - do you suggest meeting for coffee or do you always wait for them to do it in case they might not want to?

Assuming these things aren't an issue in your case, I'd suggest getting to know people through hobby groups/ sports, as you have something ready made to actually do and discuss whilst you're getting to know them. It's the relationship building stage that's tricky for shy people most often. Once you have reached the 'old friends' stage the shyness is hopefully gone!

Yes, maybe I am without realising. However, I always smile and laugh a lot )so I'm told).
I did meet someone once who was painfully shy and I had the impression that he really didn't want to be there. However, he was answering all my questions as if they were really stupid, saying, ermm...yeah? Not asking me anything back, not smiling at all. I did see how it can be mistaken, however it must have been very hard for him and I imagine that does put people off.

I suggested coffee to a colleague by text and she said 'oh yeah sure' but it just never happened. Then she had her birthday party and invited several other colleagues but I wasn't one of them. She's always nice to me, just doesn't feel we click I guess.

I can be painfully shy and feel very nervous around new people. I prefer my own company.

I do have a lot of friends though. I have no idea why actually. I didn't expect that I would have this many friends as I had practically none as a child. Or if I did, it would always be one on one.

If I had to guess, I'd say it because I've had a lot of practice at being social, I'm good looking (it's shallow but true, unfortunately), I'm reasonably intelligent, and I can be quite funny. I try hard to listen to people too because I know what it's like to feel pushed out by louder people.

In a big social group, I look out for the people who look nervous or are trying to start a story or respond to a conversation and they're being talked over and make an effort to speak to them directly or I'll sit next to them and use my social status to force the group to let them speak. That's what I'd suggest doing. The extroverts can look after themselves. You need to look for the other shy people who need a friend.

I'm introverted and shy, but quite social. I have quite a big friendship group from university, and picked up other friends through child stuff and work and hobbies.

I've got a small core of very close friends, but also plenty of people who I will meet up with to go out for a meal, or to the cinema or a concert or a book group or a play or an author event or a walk or to watch a sports match etc. And I have quite a big group of university friends who I meet up with at parties.

I am introverted, and am very shy with people I do not know. I have also been called rude and aloof.
I also have a lot of friends, and once people get to know me and I feel comfortable, then I am very outgoing. Still an introvert though, because being alone is how I recharge.

Introverted does not mean shy, and extroverted does not mean that someone is outgoing and energetic/chatty. This gets trotted out on MN all the time, and it does my head in.

You're 32. I presume you spent majority of your time at school but if you don't count your school friends as friends then... I think it's no wonder you have a very small circle of friends. I personally think once we leave school, there are not many chances to have a meaningful friendship with someone. I don't know why but there are differences in knowing someone from childhood and knowing someone after growing up. However since you've got something to offer in relationship (friendship) I think you'll still have chances to make friends but this will require effort. I personally it's not about being introvert, quiet or shy.

I am shy and much prefer my own company. I am fortunate that my school friends from 15+ years ago are still my good friends, which takes the pressure off making news ones
and it happens very organically as it were. I much prefer one on one time to a big group though and I have only made a few good friends in over a decade, but that’s fine.

You sound like the type of person I would love to be friends with OP, for what it’s worth.

I also much prefer my own company and am not very good at maintaining friendships or instigating meeting up and so on - though I do try!
I have few friends who I see from time to time, and actually really like spending time with people one-to-one. It's groups I'm not that big on as I tend to fade into the background, not being naturally one to speak up.
I'm not bad at small talk - usually asking people about themselves works well - though I find it tiring and would prefer not to do it.
I'm quite shy (according to partner!) and whilst not antisocial, to quote her 'take a bit of persuading' to do social stuff sometimes.
I generally see friends one-to-one rather than in a big group and that works for me. I'm definitely not a 'sitting on the sofa texting my friends every evening' sort of person.

I’m not shy or quiet but I am introverted. I prefer peace and quiet and I prefer deep and meaningful conversations rather then small talk.
ive never felt like I fit in and don’t really have any friends at 36. I have my family, sister, mum, my husband and his family and my kids of course but haven’t found the time to maintain any other relationships. I have no trouble talking to people but only if the topic of conversation is interesting or I switch off and become awkward.
growing up I was mainly friends with boys, my best friend was a boy and a girl who was (back then) considered a ‘tomboy’ .
i can relate to what you say OP x

Sorry OP, I don't have any advice but this could have been written by me. If you happen to live in Edinburgh, it would be great to meet for a coffee!😁

I'm shy and find it difficult to initiate conversations. At the school gates I often don't speak to anyone, or of o do it is the same few people. People probably think I am aloof.

In reality I am very happy to talk to people, and once the conversation is initiated I'm fine. I think I just have this mental block. I feel like I'm invisible, that no one would want to talk to me, and that if I did try to strike up a conversation the other person just wouldn't notice and it would be awkward.