Baby’s dad refusing to have DS overnight

[Snotfaces]

DS is 17m, breastfed and co-sleeps with me. Dad is refusing to have him overnight until he’s not feeding in the night(he does but very rarely now), and in his own room(not possible as I don’t have a spare bedroom.
he currently has him 9-6 on a Saturday, that’s it.
he’s now saying he wants to take me to court. Am I right in thinking he’d end up having to have him overnight if he did? Also, I’d much prefer it to be every other weekend as I have other DC who want to spend time with their sibling

@Snotfaces sorry was typing and sorting something at same time 😁. I meant capacity, as in ability to be emphatic to an upset child. If he is of the view a child that young just goes to bed without some level of parenting I would be nervous of his caring ability.

So are you wanting ex to have ds overnight or not bothered? Why would ex be saying he will take you to court if he is content with the access he has and doesn't want to increase it? Sorry a bit confused.

OP can you clarify?

Do you want him to take him overnight or not?

And why does he want to take you to court?

Go and read the NatWest thread!

Man has baby in a short relationship lives miles away and he’s taken 6 month paternity leave fully paid and isn’t spending that time with the child! You couldn’t make it up.

@Ponoka7
It’s my ex’s stated intention to do more with our DS’s once they’re older and to opt out of bedtimes, meal times, sickness etc for now. It’s irritating and makes my life much more difficult but I’ve learnt to accept there’s nothing I can do about it. If I could have got him to take an equal role in parenting we’d probably still be together.

I have to remind myself that I do want my children to have a good relationship with their dad and enjoy trips out with him etc. even if it’s infuriating that the extent of his parenting is these random fun trips and buying them the occasional present. And I wouldn’t be keen on the other extreme of very young children living 50/50 between two homes either.

I don’t think there’s any rush for a 17m old breastfed baby to stay overnight with her dad though particularly if the dad’s not bothered. I completely get needing a break but overnights are unlikely to benefit the child. Little and often is meant to be best for contact at that age. So I’d say every other weekend might be a bit too much of a gap.

It doesn’t sound like there’s anything to go to court over. Going to court should be the absolute last resort- it’s very expensive, tends to lead to an inflexible solution which suits no one very well and destroys whatever co-parenting relationship you have.

What's he taking you to court for?

Tbh you can force someone to parent and you definitely can't force someone to parent the way you want.
Has your son slept elsewhere without you? If not it might be a challenge getting him to settle at his dad's. I'm assuming he plans on him sleeping in a separate room.

You had a thread going about this a few weeks back right?

Why would you want to force this? He’s not being unreasonable that it makes more sense to do it when DS has stopped breastfeeding. It’s unnecessarily traumatic for him to be away from you and have no BF during the night while away from home.
Wean him and then nights can happen Imo.

How is that remotely relevant?

Funny you should mention that. Paternity leave was quite similar here!

It's not about women and men, at least not directly.

Men and women can be absent parents. Don't want your kid? Then just walk away and leave them to their other parents, family or the state.

Both men and women can be the non resident parent. Resident parents can see their children infrequently -not always through choice but certainly if they choose this, as long as they demonstrate such contact as they do have is beneficial to the child.

Ultimately its the resident parent (who yes usually is a woman) who gets to pay for all these "choices"