To go to headteacher about child being pinned to floor

[Fruittwist12]

There has already been many concerns with DS school. I raised a concern with the head regarding what the teacher and TA had said to my son 2 weeks ago and still have not had a response.
Today he has come home and said the 1:1 in his class has pinned down her pupil. They are Yr 2. Apparently he said that the pupil was being disruptive and walking around the class and shouting. They were not a danger to the class or to themselves from what my son has said. However the pupil was pupil was pinned on the floor laying down at the front of the class for their unacceptable behaviour. A parent has witnessed this 1:1 shouting at their pupil for no big reason whilst on a school trip. This child is a LAC.
I've read the school policy and states that restraining is the last thing to do and only if they are a danger to themselves or to others. I've been increasingly concerned about his class anyway. Aibu to raise this with the head or stay out of it? I don't feel like my son should be witnessing this and other violent behaviour from another child in the class.

The school will not be able to disclose any details that will make you satisfied that the restraint was justified. There was 2 adults (at least?) present and the parents were spoken to at the end of the day. Sounds like the school are aware and the situation has been dealt with. A 7yo interpretation of events isn't likely to be the most accurate however IF needed they will speak to chilren who may have witnessed it.

You're unhappy with the teacher, HT and TA. Fine. Focus on that. They have a certain time period to repspond to complaints and if they haven't done that then chase them up on that (although you did say you last spoke to them 2 weeks ago so?) Sounds like you've got a bit of history with the school as it is. Adding in complaints that aren't yours or that you haven't even witnessed won't really help with relationships.

Thank you. I'm not the only one who has bad things to say on this 1:1 other parents get a feeling from her too. My DS has said of many times the 1:1 has lost her temper. Surely you should be in control in this job. Otherwise it might not be the right role for them.
I've worked in schools. I've witnessed difficult disruptive children who have 1:1 where the child walks around etc. No one felt the need to pin them to the floor.

No, don't trust someone just because of their job title. People abuse power, often over vulnerable children who no one will listen to anyway. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

I hope that's not the case but seriously, I wouldn't wish my memories on another person. It's been years and it still makes me feel heartbroken to think about it. Not worth the risk, even if 999 times out of a thousand you were wrong.

That's awful. We can't pretend there aren't some bad apples amongst all the good teachers and TAs

OP it's 100% your business if your child is witnessing unfair or unreasonable behaviour by those in authority. But you have to pick your battles. It sounds an unsupportive environment. How can you best intervene to change this for your child? You won't get many chances to go into the school. Is this best use of one of your opportunities? That's the strategic question to weigh up.

You will almost certainly be told by the school that they can't discuss the matter with you as it concerns another child. So weigh up carefully how much impact going in will have.

Good luck! You sound a thoughtful and caring parent.

I've made no such claim. I have simply stated my personal experience across 14 years and 6 schools.

I know. Its horrible. I'm so passionate on safeguarding. I once spoke to a woman from child services in a professional capacity and she told me a child would tell you if they're being abused. This is definitely not true! So many children keep it to themselves for many reasons. One being that maybe they think adults wouldn't believe them!

@Callyem i don’t wish to be difficult but you said:

NO adult in school is going to restrain any child unnecessarily.

That was a firm, confident statement of facts and it is not true.

Nobody has said they were lying only that they didn't understand what was happening. The parents have clearly had a meeting with the Head and the matter is in hand.

What do you see your report actually achieving? You’ve apparently got issues with the teacher, the TA, fallen out with the HT and already been to the governors? You go to the HT, say “my seven year old says X child was inappropriately restrained” - then what? What resolution do you want? They can’t tell you anything at all about X.

If your child feels unsafe at school then since your multiple complaints apparently haven’t solved the problem, I’d approach it from a different angle - what can you do to enable a move of school? It sounds like the trust has irretrievably broken down between you and school. Why doesn’t his Dad want his son to move away from a school he doesn’t feel safe at?

Children do make things up, and (more common) misunderstanding things. That’s fine.

It is not fine to not report possible abuse because the ‘witness’ is seven.

just some of the posts

Do you really think your 6/7 year old had a better understanding of what was happening than the teachers and staff in the room?

it's far, far more likely that your 7 year old made this up than that a teacher pinned a child to the floor.

When I was about 7 I told my mum I got run over by a tractor

NO adult in school is going to restrain any child unnecessarily.

they saw a one off incident, not the background or build up. Teachers and LSAs can get to the end of their tether too.

A 7yo does not describe a peer being "pinned to the ground". That's an adult turn of phrase, it sounds like he's repeating overheard gossip rather than describing what he's actually seen himself.

You cannot get involved in this given your sole account of the incident is from a 7 year old

these are mostly saying or inferring the child made it up. In a way it does not matter, if our default is ‘well we don’t listen to that because he’s seven’ that’s downright dangerous.

Because my ex is abusive and is hell bent on taking me to court for 50/50 right now and in his words moving his school is not his top priority right now.
I've tried to speak to him. But it's like banging my head against a wall. He doesn't care

I meant I've made no claims about a child lying.

But you are saying that an adult would never restrain a child unnecessarily, and yes, they have. It is not common and it is not frequent, and it is entirely possible the OPs child misunderstood a situation. But we can’t and shouldn’t just assume that because that is how horrible situations happen in plain sight and anyone who works with children should know that.

Totally agree.
Safeguarding training says that it's everyone's job to report and it could happen here. They train you to report everything small because it could build a bigger picture. The small things can add up over time to show a pattern.

I wouldn't say your boy is lying. As you say, clearly something happened.
The point is though, that at 7 years old he doesn't have the context of what he saw. He is unlikely to have seen the build-up, know the background or understand the likely consequences if the 1:1 hadn't acted.
Ditto the shouting incident on the school trip. You've heard this 2nd or 3rd hand from someone else who "thought it was uncalled for." Again, none of you knows the full story.

Safeguarding is everyone's business. Yes you should report what your child told you. And anyone who thinks unnecessary restraint never happens are living in ignorant bliss.

I'm really sorry to hear that 🌺

This.

You can only raise the point that your child is saying they are distressed at what is going on in class and doesn't necessarily fully understand why it's happening.

You could say you are concerned at the normalisation of incidents in the class which are causing your son distress.

But unless you were a witness OR your son is able to verbalise what's happening when asked by teachers you are going to struggle.

We've had ongoing issues with a child in DSs class. We have witnessed various things outside school as well as concerns that DS has raised. There was also bullying and coercive behaviour going on which we were able to unpick and give evidence for. DS is yr3 and has been verbalising to teachers - this is unusual - several of his peers have had incidents but aren't mature or articulate enough to verbalise yet. I don't know how I'd feel if he wasn't at this point as several of the other more vulnerable children have been shafted by this reality.

We also had one incident where DS was told off for restraining another child. We questioned this, saying where did DS learn to restrain a child from hurting a friend and why was he ever put in this position when he had just reported a problem to the teacher and been told to just go back and play.

You have to be mindful of what schools can do - they can't act on he said / she said incidents. They have to have a witness willing to report.

You can only report what is affecting your child indirectly if you can't get them to otherwise articulate what's happening.

Ftw the other child in DSs class NEEDS retraining at times. I've seen first hand what he does and how violent / aggressive he is. It's an ongoing mess with safeguarding v SEN v difficult parents. DS seems ok at moment after we made a stink about the impact on him.

Absolutely.

No one knows the full story.

I once had to report something to our DSL. I didn’t think it was true, and I was fairly certain the child was taking something out of context. I trusted the DSL to deal with it appropriately and she did. Reporting something doesn’t mean awful things will happen, these things should be open. It is when things are hidden under the table that it is bad news.

It is depressing I’m still saying this in 2023, after years of mandatory safeguarding training for people who work with children.

As someone who is trained in restraint with primary age children, I can tell you there is never a reason to pin a child to the floor. It’s incredibly dangerous. (‘I cant breathe’ ring a bell?) We were trained never to restrain a child lying down and only keep them seated for as short a period as possible.

Restraint is used to get the the child to a place of safety (for them or others). It is not a punishment or a way to get them to ‘calm down’ (firm touch might be used as a calming mechanism but this would look very different, more like a cuddle).

If your child is correct, they have witnessed abuse.

It's everyone's job to advocate for children, and it's important to listen and believe them when they raise concerns. There could be a misunderstanding, of course, but best to raise it and let the school decide the approach. I'd raise as "my child witnessed another child being restrained and was upset to see it, how can we support my child together to move past this so it doesn't impact their learning"

I live opposite a school and witnessed last week a teaching assistant shout at a reception age child loudly to sit down, and then when they didn't immediately they stormed over, picked them up, holding their arms down and sat them on a bench. When they tried to stand, she pushed them back down to a sitting position by their shoulders immediately. They weren't causing harm to themselves or others, just didn't listen immediately when told to sit. Damn right I'm raising this with the school, it's not OK, and I don't want my child handled in that way unless absolutely necessary, because they or someone else is at risk of harm.

Ok you've been abused by your ex. Was your child present? Or also a victim.

You can use this to say, your child is becoming distressed by incidents in the classroom and you are concerned because they are particularly vulnerable due to previous issues at home.

Explain how he is becoming distressed and explain what he has said.

Do it in the context of the impact on your son - not the other child - and ask how school can act to minimise the stress and anxiety issues are causing.

If school are aware of problems at home it also raises their responsibility to act to safeguard your child's wellbeing.

If you go at this from the right angle you can highlight any concerns for the other child whilst doing it as a side effect.

But your focus must be on what you are within the limits of reporting and not 'hearsay'.

This sort of case is so unusual but it shows it does happen. I am sure it this was posted on here everyone would have said the child was lying / naughty