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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby starting nursery

22 replies

beebumble552 · 10/07/2023 14:01

Posting here for traffic

my 1 year old starts nursery at the end of august and I have the worst anxiety about it. I feel like I am letting her down somehow by going back to work and changing her whole routine - feels like abandonment

any thoughts?

YABU - millions of families do this every day get over yourself

YANBU - it’s not fair on children spending all day in nurseries

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 10/07/2023 14:05

I personally think spending all day in a nursery isn't fair on babies/young children.

But crucially, we have to put a roof over their heads and pay the bills.

I'm sure your child will get used to it and so will you because what's the alternative?

alphabetti · 10/07/2023 14:09

My daughter been at nursery x3 days 7.30/8am until 5pm since she was 9mth and spends all day Friday with my mum. She settled in well and loves her nursery. She has made friends including with 4 who all started in baby room at same time. She’s 2.5yrs now and talks about the staff and children at home. It is a big step sending your Abby to nursery and I was still breastfeeding at the time and she was a terrible sleeper but we got through it and I felt nursery routine did help improve her sleeping massively.

PrimrosesandPears · 10/07/2023 14:14

It’s horrible at the time and it does feel like abandonment and such an upheaval for all of you, but both my children settled well and formed great bonds with the adults / friendships with the children once they’d got over the settling weeks, which were hard but in hindsight didn’t last long. And it allowed me to return to work and them to have some great experiences that would not have been easy for me to provide myself. I think if nursery is the right option for your family it is worth pushing through how you are feeling now.

Meerkatdog · 10/07/2023 14:15

It's awful I totally agree, I'm about to do it soon too. But eventually they settle and it becomes their new normal. It wouldn't be my choice but we don't have a choice.

Overthebow · 10/07/2023 14:16

My toddler loves nursery and she learns so much and has experiences she wouldn’t get at home or with a childminder. I don’t regret sending her at all. They are long days but she doesn’t go every day and they have all meals there prepared by the nursery chef.

Purpleolive8 · 10/07/2023 14:17

It’s so hard. I cried a lot when my baby started but she has been going a couple of months now and absolutely loves it! She reaches for her key worker with a big smile when we get there and is very happy doing lots of fun things. She is only there two days a week though which makes it a bit easier. However I know lots of babies who go Monday - Friday and are also happy. How many days will your baby be doing?

Skinnermarink · 10/07/2023 14:18

God this was me last year and I used to go to work practically in tears feeling sick to my stomach. Then constantly refreshing the app to see if he’d slept/eaten/had a nappy change.

It got easier. It really does get easier. I absolutely sympathise as it’s not what I’d have chosen at the time at all (perhaps I would feel differently now as he’s coming up to 2 and ph my god he’s the light of my life but he can be a complete terror 😂)

MariaVT65 · 10/07/2023 14:23

My son has been in nursery since 2 and a half and he absolutely loves it. I’m pregnant again and tbh I prefer the childminder environmemt when they are very young, but then I had 2 shit childminders.

Familycourtdrama · 10/07/2023 14:40

Cannot take away from the fact it is very hard and I also hate it.
BUT - I have to provide for my daughter and put food on the table and pay the bills (single parent) - the plus side is she has a lovely circle of Nursery friends AND she has come leaps and bounds since she has been there.
I would take the view of how nursery will benefit your little one rather than feeling like you're a failure for going back to work.
You're not a failure, you're a mother who is providing.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 10/07/2023 14:50

When DD started nursery I wept SO much the first week.

She LOVED it. There were people to cuddle and play with her all day, she napped like a dream, lots of fun activities I never could have dreamt up at home.

Baby will be grand. YOU will be even better having some adult time back. It made me really love the time we had together and I became such a better parent because I had more patience and enthusiasm.

noglow · 10/07/2023 15:06

My child gets so much more from nursery than I can give them at home

CorBlimeyGovnr · 10/07/2023 15:09

I agree with the other comments, but no doubt you’ll get some die hard crunchy mums coming to tell us that nurseries = neglect or something

Personally I am a better parent when I’m not with my children 24/7 and nursery has been fantastic for their development

GCSister · 10/07/2023 15:10

My DS went to nursery full time from 10 months and THRIVED!!!
He's now a confident, happy 9 year old who remembers his 'first school' with very fond memories.

noglow · 10/07/2023 15:12

CorBlimeyGovnr · 10/07/2023 15:09

I agree with the other comments, but no doubt you’ll get some die hard crunchy mums coming to tell us that nurseries = neglect or something

Personally I am a better parent when I’m not with my children 24/7 and nursery has been fantastic for their development

What's a crunchy mum?

crabette · 10/07/2023 15:15

You're not being unreasonable to feel it OP, it's hard hard hard!

But my baby went to nursery from 12 months - she's now 20 months and I can honestly say she's come on leaps and bounds. Chatters away, her speech is great, and shouts "see you later mummy!" over her shoulder as she runs in to play with her pals 😂

It was a wrench at the beginning, that's natural. And it does feel like abandonment! But it gets easier and it is good for them, in my experience.

DoesItHaveKosovo · 10/07/2023 15:16

I’m absolutely on the other side of the fence here - DS has been at nursery since 9m (with a shaky on-off start due to lockdowns) but he loves it, as do I, and I always have loved it. I get to work full time in a job I adore, earning money for my family, time to have lunch, and time to decompress and have downtime by listening to music, podcasts and social media on the commute. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Is it hard if they get upset? Yes, sometimes. But babies and toddlers (particularly toddlers…) get upset over a lot of things that fundamentally aren’t bad for them - and childcare is one of those things.

My son’s nursery does painting and crafts with all sorts of materials, water and sand and mud play, has a huge garden for them to explore, and has way more equipment, facilities and other children to play with than I could ever reasonably provide at home.

PocketRocket12 · 10/07/2023 16:09

Haven’t read the whole thread but couldn’t read and run. My almost 3yo started nursery at 10 months old - I went back to work because I had to but also because I wanted to - and he absolutely loves it. His development has rocketed, he is incredibly sociable and our bond is so strong. Yes, there have been tough mornings and “off days” (brutal!) but you do get through it and our 3 days together are so special. Please don’t worry and wishing you both luck and love on this new transition. Xx

CorBlimeyGovnr · 10/07/2023 16:16

noglow · 10/07/2023 15:12

What's a crunchy mum?

Show quote history

The type that wears them in a pappoose until they’re 7 and only feeds them organic tofu

Starsnspikes · 10/07/2023 19:18

I love my daughter's nursery days. I love seeing the huge smile that spreads across her face when she sees her keyworker or another familiar staff member, and the way she holds her arms out to go to them. Then waves goodbye to me! And I equally adore the big smile she gives me when I pick her up at the end of the day.

I know she has a lovely time there, and I see them as an extension of family. She has spent so long with the workers there that she has genuine relationships with them, she can go to them for comfort if she needs it and she has so many giggles with them.

The first 3 weeks were rough, she was fine once I'd left but she'd cry at drop off when she realised I was leaving her. And at that point she didn't know the staff so I was effectively leaving her with strangers. That's the tough bit, but once those relationships are established it's fine. I remember the first day I dropped her off and she went in happily without tears, it was amazing. Now she smiles as soon as she realises where we are. If anyone tried to suggest that her being there is unfair...I just don't agree.

Good luck OP, trust that it'll be ok for both of you x

Original poster
beebumble552 · 10/07/2023 20:14

Aah thank you for all your lovely responses! It’s good to know it’s totally normal emotions. Like everyone said it is just getting used to it for both of us and I have no doubt she will settle into the new routine a lot quicker than me!

OP posts:
Questionsforyou · 10/07/2023 20:24

My dd went to nursery full time from 9 months. She is starting school in September. I thank nursery for so much of who she is now and although I used to feel worried and guilty, I know now how much she loved every stage, how wonderful it was picking her up at the end of the day, and how much she loves the staff there.

Quornflakegirl · 10/07/2023 20:27

It is natural to feel this when they are so little. Be kind to yourself, you’re going back to work to be financially independent and keep your career. My dsis lives in the US and she is leaving her 8 week old in a nursery 3 days a week soon, she is looking forward to going to back to work 😳

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