How do non-competitive types do well in a competitive world?

[malificent7]

So I just find everything so competitive...i'm more chilled. From work to parenting to houses etc.
My interview was very competetive( i didn't get the job).
Some friends can be competitive.
Thank god dd has grown out of baby groups!
How does one escape. Trouble is I NEED to be competitive at work.

How are baby groups competitive?
Comparing is only competitive if you want to hear comparisons as competitive.

Things are only competitive if you make it, if this thread is genuine in the first place

Job interview ofc because you are competing with other applicants to get the job.

Baby groups you've lost me

I'm staunchly non competitive. I've done well at work by working hard, doing the right things for the right reasons, and being nice to people. In the rest of life I just swan about not really bothering what anyone thinks. Seems to be working ok.

You have never had the " mine is sleeping through the night already..." conversations? Lucky buggers.

Someone I used to work with was ultra competitive. I organised a bake off competition and she was so determined to win and of course she did but I've also seen her annoyed when things haven't gone her way. I'm so glad I'm not like that. I would hate to be that ultra competitive.

Normal people reply 'Mine hasn't shut his eyes since he emerged from the birth canal' and change the subject, though.

I don't think I'm competitive by nature, but I still got through four degrees on firsts, distinctions, scholarships etc, because I needed to. I take my work very seriously, though I'm not that interested in what people around me are doing.

I don't think I could bear the company of people who were competitive about parenting or houses -- I mean, isn't it all swings and roundabouts? My child is clever but lazy and melodramatic, my friend's is sweet-tempered but stubborn and struggles at school etc. I have a big Victorian house (added points!), but it's draughty, dusty, and semi-ruinous in parts (take away points!), while my DS vocally prefers the tiny, but beautifully-kept and -decorated house of his friends.

Some careers and workplaces are competitive but some are more collaborative.

Improving your skills and stepping outside your comfort zone are good; suppressing your natural personality in order to fit into a career which isn’t a good fit for you can’t be conducive to happiness.

nose to the grindstone, mind your own business, be kind and helpful if appropriate.
don't look at things as being competitive, be self confident in your choices and views.

I guess with myself I'm me, sometimes I can be competitive other times it's like I may achieve x but if I don't then pickles and new objectives etc

Just hoe your own row and do the best you can. I tend to be driven by necessity to make career moves etc. I focus on myself and giving my best to avoid the more competitive aspects and psyche.

Ultra competitiveness makes me cringe. I find it unattractive in the extreme. I remember watching Sue Perkins in televised version of Just A Minute years ago. She was in the lead but was doing everything possible to put the wind up others including Paddington Bear hard staring at them during their turns. It didn't strike me as just down to editing. It was pointless and aggressive and unpleasant and unsporting and it really lowered my opinion of her. I've seen other people do similarly- this is just my most vivid memory!

I'm nowhere near competitive enough, in any area. My career was pretty good all the same, until I went into a very cut-throat type of workplace. It was the same job, just a different culture. I hated it. I still performed well, but was perceived as lazy & ineffective because I just floated around doing the job, instead of joining in the general warfare.

Luckily I'm out of the job market now. Totally agree with a PP who used the word collaborative - it sums up my preferred approach to most things. If I had to look for work now, I'd be using the interview and my online research to find out if they had a collaborative style, and binning them off if not.

I figured out ages ago that, if any partner leads me into a situation where I'm expected to compete for them, they can just fuck off and be someone else's prize.

In social situations, I do a lot of bland grey-rocking if faced with one-upmanship. "That's nice [dear]" and "Oh, really" do the heavy lifting 😎

Good advice garlic grace.

THAT's competitive? Sheesh. It;s so British to say "Only moaning and misery allowed." in casual conversation. For us foreigners all the negativity is so flipping draining. I do not bond or feel supported by sharing & listening to complaints or finding reasons to seethe or engaging in envy-resentment culture. I cannot understand you people.

I'd hear it as someone's experience. It may be exaggerated. It may be temporary. They may get a zillion different problems later. Their child may not wake up one day. It means precisely fuck all to the quality of my own life.

It definitely should be heard as chitchat. If someone else said it only to be competitive then that is on them. Pity them if you know being competitive is their only motive, you don't have to play or care.

I don't agree with the idea it's only competitive if you make it thing. Some conversations are obviously intended to be one up manship. This in its self is tiresome.

I think for some things like work or life choices where there's less direct pressure and competition it's about knowing in your self why you've made those choices and what they bring to your life. So then the doubts of someone effectively bragging about their life and choices are irrelevant to you.

I do confess I don't have a lot of friends, but it's because I have a pretty high bar with this type of stuff. Without sounding like a dick! I had a friend at uni who constantly tried to put me down and make hetlrself feel better with the type of competitive shit you're talking about. I resolved to not have that experience again and I'm quite careful around who I pursue friendships with because of this. Or even work friendships.

There really is a difference between chit chat and competition. It's fairly obvious, it's not about reading competition as a motive into everything, but when it's there we know it.

It seems like you have a pre conceived negative view of British culture to jump on this and decide it's everyone being really negative. When actually it's a genuine and common experience designed to make others feel like shit.

Not pre-conceived, 30 years of sometimes baffled lived experienced.

Although Americans do perceive the Brits as being very snobby & arrogant, I suppose that's true. So very snobby that we expect that you wouldn't deign to compete with scruffy brusque rude ex-colonials like me. How could a lion compete with an ant? The idea that the vain person is competing with me: inconceivable.

Honestly I love people who are blatently bragging & promoting themselves. Best ever. All you have to do is get them talking & by talking they dig a deeper & deeper hole in their boastful vanity. Since I'm not competing, I enjoy the magnitude of the blind vanity. Their self-concern says nothing about me so it can't bother me. So installed in own zone that has nothing to do with my life but I still enjoy observing the weird bubble and priorities.

I thought I had terrible people skills yet I seem to be only one (on thread) who can relish an opportunity like that. Most people only want to talk about themselves & the vain want to be centre of attention. So easy to create the space for those things to happen.

Just now I had to stop doing a work thing that was actually putting me to sleep so thanks for making me happy thinking about how easy it is to get vain people to be even more daft. It is fun. Back to boring task (with wine...)