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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think mother is a narcissist

3 replies

Longwayhome123 · 09/07/2023 20:37

Last night after a family party, I was driving my mum and my cousin home. My mum said we could be proud of her as she has been well behaved and not drunk much (she's known in the family for drinking a bit too much a bit too often). We both said well done to her, and then she said that she had no choice but to not drink because she was scared of me. I replied that I hadn't said anything about her drinking (which I hadn't, gave up years ago as she never listened to my concerns about her health, but she has been telling me for weeks that she was going to 'behave' at the party) and she said that I had at least implied it and that I had forced her to not drink 🤔

She quite often tells me that I've done something awful and I have to agree with her or she gets upset. I always just think that maybe she's misunderstood me or I've come across badly and try to fix my behaviour, but my cousin said last night that her behaviour was strange and that I'm not a rude or threatening person.

I've been reading today and came across a definition for narcissism, and it seems to fit her. She seems to have her own version of reality where she's the hero / victim (depending on the narrative of the day) and I'm not allowed to disagree, and then I either have to be the super successful child (when she's in her 'hero' mood) or the villain who bullies and scares her (when she's the 'victim') and she says some quite hurtful stuff but I'm the next breath tells me that she loves me more than life itself and that we have a great relationship.

Does this sounds like narcissism? Thanks for reading this far!

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 09/07/2023 20:44

No. Narcissism is a very rare and serious personality disorder, particularly in women, and highly unlikely to be correctly diagnosed other than by a mental health professional. She is more likely to be selfish and malicious. Which might well be difficult and unpleasant to deal with but is not a personality disorder.

midsomermurderess · 09/07/2023 20:45

Rare in women.

Longwayhome123 · 09/07/2023 20:49

midsomermurderess · 09/07/2023 20:44

No. Narcissism is a very rare and serious personality disorder, particularly in women, and highly unlikely to be correctly diagnosed other than by a mental health professional. She is more likely to be selfish and malicious. Which might well be difficult and unpleasant to deal with but is not a personality disorder.

Thanks very much 😊 I suppose it's easy to 'diagnose' via the internet when it's not the case at all! I'm just trying to figure out why she behaves like this so I can try to make things a bit easier

OP posts:
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