Ds is 12 and his dad and I have been separated since he was a baby. Although his dad was a terrible partner he has grown up over the years and has always been present and consistent with ds and provided for him financially. We are both remarried and have other dc and all the partners and extended family get along and are able to come together for events such as ds birthday parties, rugby matches, that sort of thing.
But I still find it really hard. All of his life I have had to negotiate and split holidays, Christmas, birthdays. If I ever see an event crop up that I think he'd like I have to check that it's 'my' weekend first I can't just go ahead and book it (we are flexible at swapping weekends but I tend not to bother as it just creates a big hassle).
I feel like I have spent so much time away from him and know very little about his life and his time at his dads. I've never seen his room there for example. Since having my younger dc (who is obviously with us all the time) I just feel a lot of guilt I suppose.
Ds is fine and happy. It's all he's ever known. And I know the fact we get along makes it so much easier than other peoples situations. But I don't know, I guess I'm just feeling a bit down about it today. My ex is always pushing for extra time which is good because he wants to see him and do nice things with him but I sometimes feel like I get all of the mundane everyday things (school runs, home work, life admin) whereas his dad gets the fun bits.
At 12 it won't be long before he's becoming more independent and breaking away from us both anyway. Aibu to feel like this? Like half a parent to him? Obviously I'd never voice these feelings, I've done nothing but try and be fair and reasonable while making ds is happy and settled. But my own selfishness just wishes he was all mine sometimes.