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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to struggle to have sympathy?

2 replies

kirry · 09/07/2023 19:56

I am quite upset about this and just not sure what to do. I have ds (3) and my friend has a ds a similar age. I have been separated from DS’s dad since ds was around 9 months and he has worked abroad ever since. I’ve had no ‘time off’ from ds as a result. My friend is in a relationship and her partner does their share.

I work full time (5 days condensed to 4) and ds goes to nursery. I get some maintenance, not sure if that’s relevant. My friend and her partner each work part time as so their ds goes to nursery part time too.

I am almost daily hearing about how hard things are for them. How he won’t sleep, how they’ve not had a pay rise so can’t move (they live in a v small house), how ds is unwell or won’t stop being fussy or how the non nursery days are heavy going, how they never get an evening as he’s hard to settle etc etc etc. I do try and empathise as I know these things are hard. But I’m here doing it ALL alone and I think I complain rarely in comparison. I am getting really sick of having to show support when there seems to be no awareness that whatever they are coping with it’s all on me? I don’t feel I can bring this up as often my friend will be in tears but then the next day all is well if she’s had a nice family day out for example. Everything she mentions I just think gosh I couldn’t even begin to imagine wallowing about that as I just have no choice but to get on with it. Should I have more patience? I feel like I’m being a shit friend and I probably am, I feel awful I feel like this.

OP posts:
onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 09/07/2023 20:18

I feel your pain OP - I'm in a similar situation - single parent to 2 year old twins and an older child - have been for over a year now after ex husband decided he just didn't want family life anymore. Pays a paltry amount of CMS: and I work full time. No family or friends close by.....to be honest I've not long lost my shit with someone who kept going on about how their life was worse (happily married, older children, not worked in 10 years plus as a STAHM). They looked shocked and insulated that I couldn't agree that they had it worse 😂 I'm taking a break from them!

NotOnYourNellies · 09/07/2023 20:24

She's finding it hard under her circumstances
You are finding it hard under yours
Both of you are finding it difficult
Support each other , different perspectives though , I agree

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