unsolicited advice from random people when you have a child

[sunnyi]

What the fuck is this about?!

This weekend I took DD 5 months to a place similar to Legoland, for a day out. It was v hot and I put sun cream on her when we arrived and had her under the parasol in the pram. We arrive at the desk and the two staff members start start discussing dd in front of me but as if I wasn’t there… whether she was sweating (sun cream only just applied) or whether she was too hot in too many layers etc. Then one of them says to me ‘I think she might need a layer removed!’ This was said in a v judgemental tone as if I hadn’t considered DD’s temperature or comfort at all.

She was wearing only a t shirt and shorts so nothing to remove unless she was naked.

I was really taken aback by this but when I asked a friend she said similar had happened to her especially when in shops etc, being told to put a sun hat on her dd for instance, just from one random bloke in a queue. Is this common? It really upset me.

Oh gosh yes. It really used to upset me with my first, like it was a personal criticism. Now I can shrug it off 😁

Unfortunately yes, there will always be that Judgey person. I always respond with her mother knows best and she is perfectly layered, please concentrate on your own children. What you will find is those who are commenting don’t have children or don’t see there own children very much(men are the best for parenting advice when they hardly bother with there own children 😂). I wouldn’t take it personally it’s just one of those things albeit really annoying

Yes, this is very common when you have young children and at different times and moods it may strike you as charming that random strangers have such an interest in your dc. At other times you may feel moved to tell them where to stuff their unsolicited interference. All part of the great tapestry that is life (and parenthood!)

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Which would you rather- a stranger checking that a baby's been sunscreened or a baby getting burned?

Yep I had the comment from my SIL when DS had just turned two "shouldn't he be potty trained by now?" SIL has no children. In hindsight I should have asked her how many two year olds she had pottry trained but was a bit taken aback by it at the time

This happens all the time with young children especially babies, I’m kind of surprised you’ve managed to get to 5 months without this happening!

I agree it’s super weird and super rude of people to butt in uninvited to comment on how you are parenting your child. Ok if a child is completely and obviously imminently being massively abused or neglected but this level of “oh your baby might be too hot” reality annoys me!

I was quite unwell postnatally with a lot of anxiety (ended up deteriorating and landing up under section with puerperal psychosis) and I remember a lot of my anxiety started because of my every parenting decision being questioned by all and sundry, looking back I was actually doing great as a new mum but it made me lose so much confidence in myself and I genuinely started to wonder was I the one in the wrong (but I wasn’t!).

I distinctly remember with my baby only a few days old in super hot weather (heatwave) my mother, my (now ex) husband and the health visitor all saying “oh I think baby needs a hat, did you know babies lose 90 percent of their heat through their head?” Ummm yes which is exactly why I’m not putting a hat on when it’s 30 something degrees for goodness sake! Bear in mind I was a paediatric doctor at the time…

It wouldn't cross my mind to think about if someone else's child had appropriate clothes or suncream on!

People are funny. Just ignore them! Sounds like you are doing a fab job!

I’m sorry but I actually wish there was more of it - children are precious and their well-being should everybody’s concern. Too many news stories of where too many people had the opportunity to intervene but didn’t. Don’t take it so personally, be flattered that your child is worth noticing.

It's always hats with mine. "She needs a hat, her head will get cold"
Quite possibly, but she's taken it off the last 20 times I've put it on and short of stapling the poxy thing to her head I don't really know what to do at this point.

I broadly don’t care what other people do with their children as long as they keep them away from me. But the amount of parents I see allowing or actively encouraging their children to do things which may get them seriously hurt (running around in pubs and restaurants as staff are carrying plates and glasses; climbing on the shelves in the warehouse part of Ikea; antagonising dogs in the park; playing on the designated cycle path that runs along the side of our local linear way) I’m honestly not surprised that many people come to the conclusion that a lot of parents are just morons and take it upon themselves to hand out advice.

Not quite the same but I remember being out shopping with my DS1 and DD1. DS had just turned 2 and DD was newborn. DS starting having abit of a tantrum because I’d told him he was having one of the footballs that he’d seen and wanted for an elderly lady to approach and ask what was the matter with him and why’s he upset.
my reply “he wants a football and he’s been told he’s not having it”
elderly lady “Why can’t he have one”
me “Because I’ve already told him no, he’s got ones the same at home”
elderly lady to DS “aww won’t your mummy but you a new ball, that’s not very nice is it”
At this point I clearly told her “in my house no means no and he has to learn he can’t have everything he wants.”
She then huffed off like I was somehow in the wrong for not giving in to a 2 year olds tantrum.
I was a young mum and probably looked younger than what I actually was but I remember being really annoyed at how young mums were given a bad reputation often from elderly people but this lady thought it was perfectly ok to try and undermine me in front of my son.

First time I took my DD into work it was summer and she had slight jaundice and needed some sun on her as and when so she had her face covered with a parasol but nothing else.
Big boss comes over and starts to manipulate the cover tutting at me talking about newborn skin.

When I had my first baby I realized that mothers of young children are the lowest status people in any group. Anyone can criticise them, they are expected to serve everyone else (not just their children but any relatives who might need or desire service), and if something goes wrong, it's always somehow the fault of the mother of any young children in the vicinity.

It's really strange.

Yippee! First "elderly lady" post on this thread! Obviously I don't actually have to read the post-she's obviously completely in the wrong....