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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s just not possible to do it all

6 replies

SpidersAreAmazing · 09/07/2023 14:03

I’m a single parent to 3 kids ages 5,7,11 (as an aside no 3 was completely unplanned shock pregnancy and I seriously considered not going though with it).

My life and my kids lives such disastrous chaos, none of us are happy. The kids fight all the time, one child has health problems which lead to regular hospitalisations and need to be organised with medications, medical appointments etc. Oldest child has behavioural issues and suspected asd/adhd which make it really hard to do anything with all the kids as they have such a short temper and constantly has meltdowns about everything which when added to the kids fighting constantly means we can’t really go out as a family without causing an embarrassing scene everywhere we go.

When I had 2 kids it was manageable but having no3 has completely pushed me over the edge, ironically no 3 is the nicest sweetest child ever, however they are bullied and picked on by the others all the time and it’s making them unhappy.

We are constantly skint, I was employed but struggling so much with lack of childcare and missing so much work from my dc being sick that I decided to take up self employment thinking it would me more flexible but it’s actually not worked out as well as I thought. I now regularly have to drag sick dc to work with me to just so I can make ends meet. Last week I took my sick dc with me to work outdoors the day they were discharged from hospital just to make sure I had enough money to take my prearranged holidays this week.

I’m an absolute failure as a parent, I can’t keep on top of things, shamefully medication was lost and not replaced in good time because I couldn’t find time to go to the chemist and my dc ended up hospitalised as a result. I work full time, get home around 5:30 and then take the kids to sports most nights. I rarely have time to spend with my kids just talking to them and they are all deprived of attention which is probably why they fight so much and are so badly behaved. It’s impossible to consistently discipline them because we are always busy rushing from one place to another and they don’t seem to care what I say to them anyway. When I’m at home I’m constantly working my way through piles of laundry and unsuccessfully attempting to keep on top of the rest of the house which is an unbelievable mess most of the time and the kids just run around making more and more mess. I get so stressed that I shout at them horribly all the time. They tell me everyday that they hate me and to be honest I don’t blame them. I’m without a doubt the worst parent I know.

How do I get out of this never ending misery? I have to work to be able to support us financially but my kids need me to spend time with them. I need to organise my life but I have no energy or time to do anything about it. They go to their dads eow )he refuses to have them more often) and I will try and get in top of the house etc but there is just so much to do and everything I need to do tends to be impossible at weekends eg organising medical appointments or dealing with school etc. I feel so drained and tired all the time it’s hard to even focus on dealing with all the problems.

OP posts:
frootie · 09/07/2023 15:10

This is such a sad read, I'm so sorry OP it sounds really awful. I'm not sure what to advise other than to say you should go to your GP and tell them how desperate things are. You may be eligible for support (like homestart). You need to get every bit of support you can from the state. I take it your family can't help?

Weddingpuzzle · 09/07/2023 15:30

It does get better. You are me 6-7 years ago but as they get older it gets easier. My youngest is 12 now. They make less mess, they fight less, they start to go out more. Just hang on there. Another 5 years and it should be better. I felt like I was walking through very difficult treacle between 2014-2020.

In the meantime can you ask for a Early Help referral? They will, at the very least, listen. Sorry you are having such a rubbish time and I really wish that eases for you OP Flowers

MaxwellCat · 09/07/2023 15:48

No advice but similar situation minus them going to their fathers as he doesn't see them at all. I have no advice but its hard and I'm dreading the 6 weeks

SpidersAreAmazing · 09/07/2023 16:32

Thanks so much for the replies I appreciate people taking the time to reply. Again with any kind for drs appointment or referral I would have to be able to take time off work for which I just can’t do. I think I need to go back to employment in a different role. I keep looking at supermarket jobs and thinking something like that would be better because I would get breaks and it might not be such a disaster to take days off. but even then if I was on a zero hours contract I would just lose my hours if I kept missing shifts ( has happened to me in a previous job!)

OP posts:
bumblebee2235 · 09/07/2023 16:53

How is your poorly DC illness managed? Is it temporary or long term? I have health needs too so have a social worker, now I'm old it's adult social care and they fund a P.A to manage my illness. It meant relief for my parents when I was young and it means now as an adult I have a normal life (work,kids ect) as medical needs are overseen. It takes a load of pressure of so I can focus on life things rather than everything being about disability:) it's so well managed now I rarely have flare ups and considered in remission :)

bumblebee2235 · 09/07/2023 16:56

Also as for the social care funded package when I was younger, I had an insured driver to take me to medical appointments and oversee meds, they organised prescriptions and (I had injections monthly) they dealt with all.

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