To expect ds16 home at a certain time?

[pinotnow]

He as just done his GCSEs so has a long summer ahead of him. He considered getting a job but it's not a priority and there doesn't seem much about for his age group in our area, which I'm fine with. When he goes out with friends on Fridays and Saturdays he has to be home by 11. This has never been a problem and he's never once been late. If there's a party it'll be later but then I pick him up and he's never kept me waiting. His group never socialised on weekdays when at school so no issue there.

Now weekends and weekdays are all the same to him, but not to me - I'm still working, obviously. I said last week that one evening that I wanted him home by 10pm so I can go to bed. He looked aghast and said he had his key though. I said it wasn't the point as I can't go to bed and sleep not knowing whether or not he's back. Is this UR? We compromised with 10.30 and he was home on the dot, but I have a few weeks of this ahead. As a teacher I'll be breaking up soon so it won't matter then but I wondered if I'm being UR in principle? He's a really good kid who's never caused me any trouble and I want him to enjoy this summer after all his hard work.

What do others do with this age group?

Sorry for awful typo in first line!

I think it's a bit unreasonable. Plenty will disagree though.

And I'm a night owl!

You should at least be insistent for the rest of the school term. For your health and also for your pupils to get the best of your teaching.

My son is a year older and I'm not ready to sleep before he gets back. With his siblings, they started to have no curfew after A-levels so I will do the same with my son.

It's not unreasonable for your son to suck it up until the end of term. I am assuming that you'll defer to a later curfew once you've finished for the summer.

I think you’re being unreasonable. He’s moving into the next stage of his life and you’ll have to allow things to change. Will you be staying up until he tells you he’s home if he goes to university in a different city? He sounds a very respectful young man though, coming home when you ask.

You will soon adapt to being able to sleep when they aren't in yet!

We ask them to tell us (approximately) what time they will be in. And that they have a safe way home (if very late).

I ask them to message when they get in or let us know if they will be staying at someone else's house. I don't wait up although I normally wake when they come in if I've gone to sleep.

At 16, DS sometimes was going to a party, getting home at 2am and then getting up for work at 5.30am. (not all the time clearly ...).

DD tends to stay over at friends' houses if she was going to be late, so we haven't had this with her (yet).

Year 12 and start of Year 13 seem to be prime socialising age before they calm down for exams.

It sounds like your DS is reliable, and he's unlikely to be late every night, so I would relax your "rules".