I can’t believe she married him!

[Unwisebutnotillegal]

The former chancellor’s nuptials reminded me of a wedding that I went to a decade ago. The groom was cheating on the bride with one of her friends and kept leaving the reception with her and one occasion she walked back in with her dress tucked in her pants. The bride ignored the whole thing and got on with her big day with a big smile on her face and seemed to enjoy being centre of attention. Afterwards it transpired she knew but wanted her big day!!! A decade on and it still baffles me completely and I wish I knew her well enough to ask what was going through her mind? Has anyone married someone who was cheating and what was your motivation? For some reason it has bothered me for years!

Are they still together?

I was saying to DP on Friday that I wondered if the wedding would still go ahead now that EVERYONE has read that email and he said 'of course it will! These people have no shame'. And I think he's probably right

The groom disappearing to shag a friend of the bride AT HIS OWN WEDDING takes some beating though 😱

My DH had a work colleague whose wedding went ahead despite the bride and probably half the guests knowing he was having an affair. They separated almost immediately (weeks) afterwards.

I think they had spent a lot of money, invited a lot of people and just couldn’t face cancelling.

I went to my friends wedding and she was having an affair.

We had been out a few months earlier and she had met up with her childhood sweetheart, and they were clearly still in love with each other.

I spoke to her a couple of weeks before the wedding, she was too scared to call it off, didn’t want to disappoint anyone, I remember her saying “but the invitations have been sent”

I went to the wedding and smiled.. it was a lovely day.

It all came out a few months later, she got divorced, married the other guy, they have been together about 25 years now, 2 kids, and she’s the happiest person I know, they are very much still besotted with each other.

I think there is too much emphasis on “having your big day” and not enough on this a legally binding contract tying yourself to this other person. I wish more people thought about the latter than the big expensive party.

No longer married, think it lasted about 6 months. Married to other people within 3 years. She is no longer friends with her friend. The more I think about it the less I understand it. She is very attractive, smart and independently wealthy. He is no catch in more ways than one.

I know someone who did, she, her fiancé and her lover were all minor celebs and the pressure of the wedding meant she didn’t have the bottle to cancel even though the affair had been going on for years. The marriage didn’t last long, she and the other man married soon after and they’re blissfully happy. I felt very sorry for the original husband and don’t know what happened to him.

Also had a colleague who got married while carrying on with another colleague and both the marriage and the affair were still going on when I left that job.

I suspect it happens quite often and I don’t know why. More and more people aren’t marrying their longterm partner so it’s not obligatory to do it, least of all when you’ve got one foot out the door before the big day.

A lot of people don't want the fuss and humiliation of cancelling a wedding at short notice, and having all the guests speculate about the reason. I don't think that's some kind of superficial 'big day' obsession unique to brides.

Back in the 90s (pre-mobiles, pre-social media), a friend of mine was the bridesmaid who had to ring around all 200 guests a fortnight before the wedding to say it was all off. In fact, this was an instance of cold feet on the bride's part, with no cheating involved, but my point is that it was a huge decision to make, and I can imagine someone being unable to face doing it, or simply getting caught up in the course of events and feeling unable to stop them.

I agree. My cousin cancelled her wedding a couple of weeks beforehand. It was all booked, caused a load of inconvenience, etc. BUT... it had become apparent that her fiancé was an alcoholic and she couldn't keep living in denial. She did the right thing and our whole family supported her. Far too many people focus on the day - marriage is supposed to be a lifetime.

My DH's friend caught his wife having an affair weeks before their wedding, the wedding still went ahead, a few months later he had an affair, they then got divorced within the year

My brother did this on his wedding day and was actually caught by our Mum.

My brother continued the affair and filed for divorce before their 1st anniversary.

We didn't know until quite recently about our Mum catching them.

He stayed with the girl who he had the affair with, married and had 3 children. But 2 years ago he had another affair and left his wife for someone else and is now living in London with her.

He's 55 and has never grown up. But yet thinks he is better than everyone.

@Littlelovebug i guess that’s why people warn against being a mistress. I’m just telling my partner about this thread and he’s reminding me that we went to a fourth wedding (or fifth!) a couple of years ago where the best man recycled his speech from wedding 2 and 3. Think he also wore the same suit too!

No way!!! I kinda think that's funny and he would be a riot to have a drink with.

I imagine quite a few people go through with a wedding they no longer want, because of all the preparations/expectations/expense already incurred. Like a rollercoaster already at the top - too much height and momentum to let you get off.