Married 3 years and now have one DD 6 months old (also one dog with quite challenging needs). I’m on maternity leave and do 95% of all childcare, and somehow 80-90% of all domestic work (planning meals, shopping, cleaning, cooking, vacuuming, organising our lives and reminding him of stuff).
I do ALL night wakeups and have not had one single full night sleep in 6 months. (He did wakeups during first 3 months while on shared parental leave, but now only does on exception). In work terms, we both have demanding jobs but mine happens to pay about 3x his because it’s a better paid industry (though obviously I get less pay right now). I am worried about what will happen when I go back to work as my hours are quite demanding.
I always thought I would have an equal partner in housework and parenting, and am horrified to find myself falling into that same dynamic as so many other women and men: I am a ‘nag’ and he simply doesn’t see/notice the household tasks which need to be done.
Clearly, as he and I have discussed many times, he just has ‘different priorities’. He doesn’t think the vacuuming/washing/whatever is urgent - so I end up doing it. And as it’s me who cares, I should do more.
Obviously housework should ideally be 50:50, but how can you persuade someone that more housework is necessary when they feel it’s acceptable to live in a messy/dirty house?? Am I the unreasonable one???
(PS to be clear, I am not some immaculate stepford wife: I just want clear/clean surfaces, occasional dusting, sheets washed once a week or so and a floor which isn’t constantly covered in dog hair…)