To ask what to do?

[PleaseDontLickThat]

I am feeling so stuck and am hoping the wise denizens of Mumsnet will be able to help me out.

I am autistic (undiagnosed but fit every criteria for it) and seriously struggle with day-to-day tasks like emails, keeping tidy, organisation, etc. My google search history includes such gems as "can't cope with modern life", "how to stop being lazy" and "exhausted by normal life". I just can't keep on top of my house, garden, cooking dinner, laundry, etc. and feel A LOT of guilt that something that things that most people manage are just impossible for me.

I am married with a toddler. DH is pretty useless as a partner and only adds to my workload/overwhelm. Things are pretty rocky with him and we may be heading for divorce (currently in counselling). DC is 20 months, in nursery three days a week and otherwise is my exclusive responsibility 90% of the time. DC also doesn't sleep well - sleeps 9-5, wakes multiple times a night, only contact naps still. I know this is a lot for anyone to deal with.

On top of this, I am out of work and trying to look for a job. However, I really really feel unsuited to most jobs available to me. I have advanced degrees (MA and PhD), so grocery stores etc won't even look at me, plus I would lose more in benefits than I would gain from working there. I really struggle with typical 9-5 office jobs and when I have had them in the past it has been a bad time. I am holding out distant hope of getting a lecturer position, but am tied to the city I am currently in so this is a slim chance and won't happen soon. I think I am well suited to freelance/home-based work (particularly copy editing, science communication, plain language writing, etc. - have done this kind of thing sporadically) but don't have any contacts in the field. I also think networking is very important as a freelancer, which is not my strong suit.

As I don't currently have any income, I feel responsible for taking on most of the house stuff and childcare (plus DH wouldn't do it anyway), but this leaves me with no time or mental energy to make real progress on the job search.

All this to say that I am very unhappy with my life right now but don't know how to improve things. I would like to work but can't find work that pays the bills and that I am capable of. I want a tidy, organised, well maintained home but can't manage this on my own (and fighting against the tide that is DH). I love my child but doing everything is breaking me. I desperately want another but recognise this is not a good environment to bring another in to. I am mid-30s and feel like I can't cope with life, even though I don't actually have a job to go to.

Please share with me your tips for getting (and staying) organised as a ND person, job search help, tips for setting up as a freelancer (especially if ND) and hope that any of this will at some point get better.

Leave your degrees off your cv

Can you concentrate on the job hunt on the days your DC is in nursery?

O op my dd has autism and adhd and she flits from one incomplete task to the next but she’s extremely bright, can you put some focus in when Dc is at nursery think one of the days il blitz and catch up and the other two days souly focusing on work.

Mainting a home is really easy once you get ontop of it don’t ever leave one room without taking something out that doesn’t belong there…set timers for quick blitzes you’d be amazed at what can be achieved in ten minutes!

As for your relationship your in limbo not certain where it’s going so you need to establish exactly what you want and make a decision to get yourself off of these egg shells xx

Look beyond your city for academic posts. I'm an academic and half our faculty lives hours away, attend 90% of meetings on Teams and only come in to teach. Yes you may have a high teaching load as a new lecturer but you may be able to find ways to fit this around childcare, and remember it's only for approx 20 weeks a year.

Thank you for the replies so far.
@Diddykong I'm not in the UK, so universities are a bit further apart here. I'm looking up to about a three hour radius away from me, but that's still only about 8ish universities.

I do try and focus on work things when DC is in nursery, but that's also my only time to really get things done around the house/garden with no litter "helpers". I also don't really know where to start? (This is an executive processing problem.) I regularly look for job opportunities but nothing's really available near me that I will be able to do, so I would like to set up as a freelancer in the meantime but literally don't know where to find work like this. I've tried online freelancing platforms but the rates are so incredibly low. I'm also trying to keep a toe in academia, so this is my only time for writing/research.

Also with housekeeping, I'll think "Right, I need to mop the floors. But first I need to vacuum. And before that I need to tidy all the toys off the floors. But I don't have space to put them away - must organise them first. Where did that big plastic bin go? Oh it's full of clothes to donate. Better donate them. But if I'm going to the charity shop, I should go through my own clothes first. So I need to do laundry. But before I can do laundry..." And suddenly mopping the floors is like an eight hour task and I only have four hours, so can't do anything. I know other people don't think like this, but especially when I'm on my own overwhelmed with a messy house, I literally can't figure out how to jump in.

And before anyone says it, I would LOVE to outsource my cleaning, but it's not an option for us financially right now.