Who else feels behind in life? Or like you're dealing with stuff from 10+ years ago?

[CraftingMeaning]

Sorry I'm not sure if I'm making sense. But does anyone else feel like you are dealing with stuff other people figured out at a younger age?

That you're learning it now and it's better late than never but quite sad about all the wasted time?

Plus being embarrassed to be so late...Comparison is the thief of joy I know but sometimes it is difficult to not compare at all. We all exist relative to other people, as well as just being focused on doing our own thing.

Mine is due to a few significant pieces of childhood trauma, circumstantial rather than abuse. I'm trying to come to terms with it and basically doing an ok job and happy enough but then I read something here for example or see my mates glittering careers and feel so behind in my life.

I just wanted say you aren't alone. But I may make little sense here. What's happened to me means I could never have done better. I'd suggest embracing that you've got there at all, and that you're still here regardless.
I refuse to think about the wasted time and what could have been if I'd had what others took for granted. It wasn't and someone has to live those lives. No particular reason it shouldn't have been me.

I'm doing everything badly and totally back to front, and most of my age have tidier, more comfortable, and safer lives, but I think I'm so lucky to have so many friends decades younger than me who help me find richness in what might otherwise might just be a life spread too thin, for too long, with too little.
My lateness is irrelevant to them, as such things were to me when I was young. I'm here now, in the room, full of understanding of living out of sync, a certain amount of experience over living without, and bringing a different experiance to the table. It has its own value.
You aren't behind, you're running on a different 'timeline' for want of a better expression, and you can reinvent yourself at any age taking all you've learnt with you.

My life has been
very similar to yours!

YANBU. I’m learning to drive at 37 and bought a house at 35. Definitely behind my friends.

It's okay to not do things at everyone else's pace. A lot of people race through doing what they 'should.'

It's okay to want, choose or need to take time.

Yes I can relate. We had All our children young before the age of 25. I had a bad childhood, trauma etc and because of that I never healed before I had my first child at 18. I feel my life’s been a bit discombobulated. I’m turning 36 soon and I definitely feel 10 years younger due to a bad childhood and the time it’s taken to heal from that.

I was doing really well running the race of life, keeping up with everyone else or even being ahead. Then life threw a series of curveballs. I actually went backwards, and have had to relearn things I was taught 7 years ago, whilst it was generally expected I already knew it. Having all my life been first, I've been leapfrogged by people who are not as "good" as I was, and have had to come to terms with perhaps never getting back to where I was in terms of innate ability. I also have a cohort of highly successful peers from earlier in life who I won't likely ever match.

It has been painful and at times embarrassing.

I get it.

But hey, I can't be anything other than what I am on my own path. I'm honest about my gaps, doing it all at my own pace. I am, quite frankly, lucky to be alive. I knew that in theory we all lived on our own timeline. Now I can really feel that for myself. I'm better at enjoying the ride. I'm better at being genuine and authentic and empathetic with others who struggle. Plus I don't know if I want the success so much any more.

Also, one benefit of our current era is life is long, so there's more time, so we can take our time a bit more. Doesn't matter if we take longer. It's great.

Feel overwhelmingly behind - feel this post to my bones.

I'm 32. Lost job, partner, house in one go end of last year. Now working a p/t bar job living in parents spare bedroom. Chronic mental health problems leading to physical issues, so days get pretty tough.

Punters in pub are shocked when they know my age (thank you good genes!) but then act quite judgementally towards me for being a p/t bartender with no kids and not divorced. Genuinely.

I use my middle name whenever writing my name, as it is very sentimentally important to me and became how I always refer to myself. It's also a boys name and common surname, so often confused for being a double barrelled surname. Honestly, it's mad how often I get asked if I'm divorced because of it.

And sometimes I'm low when I see people I know getting married, promoted, doing adult things etc. BUT I have to remind myself that a lot of this is a result of shit luck, life, and getting a bit of a bad run of things.

So I focus on what I can do, and reminding myself that at least I'm still here. I may not be conventionally doing well and successful - but I pour my heart into making others feel good, expanding hobbies, learning, doing one thing I am grateful for each day, and supporting others as best I can.

After a while the doubt gets less and less. Okay, I am not a married mother of three with a mansion, a dog and a promotion to Senior Partner coming. But I am loved and love in return, and that is just as good.

It's not so much I feel behind, it's more I feel I should have done/be doing better.

I'm 35 with 2 DC and still live in a rented flat...all my friends with DC own lovely houses with gardens. DS1s school friends mostly have lovely houses with gardens. I feel massively guilty about this every time DS1 is bored and complains that no one will take him to the park to play football (because we are cooking dinner etc.)

I have never learnt to drive which is embarrassing as sometimes I need DH to give me lifts to days out with friends and their kids. (I feel less bad about that though as I am 90% sure I have dyspraxia!)

I've got 2 masters degrees - but I've not managed to translate them into a high paying career yet.

I'm in my 50s and still 'behind' in a lot of ways. It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I've dealt with it by giving myself some understanding - I made the decisions and took the paths I did because they seemed the best idea at the time, with the capability I had.

Not everyone has a gold star start in life with the family background and personality traits to smooth their way ahead. Some of us are on the back foot a bit and it takes a while to feel our way along.

In the end how 'ahead' we are doesn't matter too much, our life experiences are all diverse and add up to who we uniquely are. I don't think anyone judges me for being 'behind', I think some people find it interesting the way my life has gone, as I have interests and done things that those more conventionally 'ahead' haven't done.

I really really admire the honesty in these posts.

You sound like someone I'd be friends with. Just a lovely person. I'm sorry people can be so judgemental.

I sometimes feel like this and have to remind myself I am not in a race. Plus all those 'life goals' are NOT signs of happiness.

You only have to open any post on here to see how unhappy people are stuck in marriages they don't want to be in, fretting over mortgage increases etc. I am not saying we shouldn't aim for these things or they can't be good. But it is super easy to view them with rose tinted glasses.

I had all of the 'life goals' by the time I was 30 and then through a series of awful events I lost everything and had to start again. You are not 'behind' you are growing at your own pace and I will bet you are doing an AMAZING job given the fertilising ground that you began growing in