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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be this lousy at planning

4 replies

littlepasta · 08/07/2023 17:04

Planning isn’t my forte, never has been. Change stresses me out generally and I do procrastinate most things, even tasks I want to do (awaiting ADHD and autism assessment). I think back on childhood, teenager-hood and think I was alright then but then again there was always an adult doing the organising and planning for me. As an adult I struggle to prioritise and can often find myself slow to switch tasks and get back to what I was doing if there was a distraction.

It’s reached a point today where I am wedding planning - except I haven’t, really, I’ve just bandied ideas about. My mum is trying to get me to identify a date where I am available to go try on some wedding dresses but I just haven’t committed to a date yet. I need to find and order invitations and ask people for their addresses, but I haven’t yet. The wedding is soon and I think my mum doesn’t want me to be disappointed. I have got a few close friends but I would never dare ask them for help because it just looks incompetent doesn’t it! I should be able to do these basic things, I’m looking forward to marrying DP and even he is urging me to book things and get decorations sorted etc. I’m a very last minute kind of person then I get a burst of energy. Even when packing for holidays I put it off until usually the night before when I should already be in bed

Is anyone else like this? As right now I feel like everyone around me ‘adults’ much better than I do, unless they can just pretend better. We don’t have kids yet and I’m worried I’ll be slack on remembering to plan stuff for them, parties etc. I have other strengths like attention to detail and when I focus on a task or plan I do very well, but I just struggle to get started and beginning to realise just how disabling this character trait is! I also feel bad on poor DM who isn’t much of a planner herself but is trying to do some of it for me. She is excited which is also another reason why she is so on board, but I can’t help thinking she must be judging me so heavily and feeling bad she didn’t equip me to be more decisive and organised (not that it’s her fault!)

OP posts:
Diddykong · 08/07/2023 17:09

Well for starters I'd sack off trying to work out addresses and just text or email invitations. That'll be one job done. No one cares about the invitations apart from the couple. Better yet, an outlook calendar invite would be best for me as a guest!

What is your OH doing in all this? If he wants decorations let him get them. .

littlepasta · 08/07/2023 17:14

Diddykong · 08/07/2023 17:09

Well for starters I'd sack off trying to work out addresses and just text or email invitations. That'll be one job done. No one cares about the invitations apart from the couple. Better yet, an outlook calendar invite would be best for me as a guest!

What is your OH doing in all this? If he wants decorations let him get them. .

He’s sorted the actual ceremony

OP posts:
OprahWinfery · 08/07/2023 17:24

Maybe you’re waiting to ‘feel’ like doing it rather than JUST doing it?
Maybe you want it to be perfect? Choices are overwhelming. What if you make a bad choice and then you’re stuck? Those kind of thoughts can impact you into a paralysis of procrastination.

What are you doing in this time to distract yourself from actually getting things done? Are you doing something equally important or wasting time?

It can be overwhelming which puts us off from even starting. So, maybe have a look at what it might be that is stopping you from doing it? Ask for help. I would love to help a challenged planner friend. I’m sure your friends won’t mind at all. Delegate and you’ll see it will feel easier.

make a list on here and tick things off so it’s fun?

littlepasta · 08/07/2023 18:03

OprahWinfery · 08/07/2023 17:24

Maybe you’re waiting to ‘feel’ like doing it rather than JUST doing it?
Maybe you want it to be perfect? Choices are overwhelming. What if you make a bad choice and then you’re stuck? Those kind of thoughts can impact you into a paralysis of procrastination.

What are you doing in this time to distract yourself from actually getting things done? Are you doing something equally important or wasting time?

It can be overwhelming which puts us off from even starting. So, maybe have a look at what it might be that is stopping you from doing it? Ask for help. I would love to help a challenged planner friend. I’m sure your friends won’t mind at all. Delegate and you’ll see it will feel easier.

make a list on here and tick things off so it’s fun?

I think you’re right!

OP posts:
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