Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Toxic!!! Can't cope. Pls read.

16 replies

blondequdi · 08/07/2023 12:56

I work in a GP surgery. In a team of 8.

3 of us do the same job. All same level. Different types of patients

NOBODY is the boss. I work alongside two older women who we will call A and B.

Things were great for a while, A would go out of her way to do nice things for me (narcissism disguised as altruism!) and B was great. I got along with everyone. A and B have been friends for years and that's how A got her job.

A slags everyone off all the time. She's not a nice person. Always has something to say. B sometimes joins in but not as much.

A started to belittle me constantly. Directly arguing with everything I say, even when it's in front of her face that I'm right. She would even argue about my own patients (for reference in a mental health practitioner, she has no experience of mh and openly admits that) constantly belittling me and my experience, telling me what to do.

My best friend got hired. I've worked with her for 8 years in a different job. We're adults. We can work together. I asked her to work with me on something as she is a child mh worker (but now works in a different role).

B took issue, said it was a "pisstake" we went for a "jolly" for 3 hours. We literally were having a meeting. She then started making comments about how often my friend accompanied me to patients (double visits are the norm. I don't do many visits but when I do, they're usually in pairs). I directly asked B if she would have a problem if I had taken another colleague and the answer was "but u wouldnt" (No I wouldn't as nobody else has mh experience). The problem was that I took my friend.

B then started micro managing, trying to dictate which patients I saw, and if I challenged that she would argue. B is also not my boss.

A constantly tries to get a rise out of me. If I'm quiet cos I'm busy she says I'm making an atmosphere. I finally had enough when she asked if I was ok, I said yes and then for the next few minutes she pushed and pushed and pushed by constantly telling me I wasn't ok, I was stressed, unhappy and needed to speak to the boss. I kept saying im fine and eventually a colleague snapped and told her to stop (but this colleague is her friend so won't have my back to our boss)

I raised this with our boss who is a GP. I explained the team is toxic. A was silent in the meeting. B tried to gaslight and say things hadn't happened. GP basically said I was the problem as the team worked for 3 years with no issue. 3 people left the team and one of the reasons was bullying but she didn't want to hear that. I was left feeling like I was going to be sacked. She told me that when A was asking if im ok that it's normal and "she knows u like to be left alone now so she won't do it again cos she knows now that u like your space". She basically sang A and B's praises and dismissed my concerns. Basically said it's not toxic it's all normal. She did tell A and B that me taking my friend is fine and I should choose my patients (because it is absolutely fine and normal!) but other than that she sided with them, especially when B said she felt attacked.

After the meeting A then asked if I was ok but I left as I had patients. That evening I messaged B and apologised if she had felt attacked. She did not reply.

I want to leave my job. I can't afford to because I am a single mum with bills to pay and no family or savings.

There will now be even more of an atmosphere. After the last girl was bullied out both A and B would be like "oh we have to be careful now as she'll run to doctor", and would slag her off constantly.

Before me, they would slag off another girl (who's leaving to have a baby) and now I'm
The target.

I'm 36 and too old for this shit. But both A and B are tight with the boss so I know if push comes to shove it's me who goes. I know that A will threaten to leave because of the "atmosphere" so I'll end up sacked. Wrongfully but still means I can't pay my bills.

The whole meeting I was told I was overthinking and made to feel like I'm the problem. I can't describe how petty and toxic these women are. Nobody can move offices either so we're all stuck. They constantly micro manage; they moved my best friends desk without asking her and said they thought she'd be better sitting there.
They constantly ask me to justify what I'm doing. They make decisions but if I make any, they argue or refuse. They are not my boss. It's awful. And the boss said "if people aren't happy they can leave" which tells me to fuck off basically

I supported B through her husbands cheating and divorce (for a while I was the only one she'd told) and now she's over it, she's a bitch.

A is 56. B is 46. I am 36. What in the universe is going on. I guess mean girls never do grow up.

AIBU to complain again? Or should I just put up and shut up?

And by apologising I now look like I'm admitting guilt!

OP posts:
LakieLady · 08/07/2023 12:59

Find another job.

It really is toxic, but you won't be able to change them.

mousemosaic · 08/07/2023 13:03

As above, you’re not going to change it so only thing you have power to do is remove yourself from the situation

Bobbybobbins · 08/07/2023 13:04

Definitely start looking for another job

DinoMummsy · 08/07/2023 13:08

Yep, bullies rarely change so definitely try to find another job if you possibly can. Nothing worse than being miserable at work due to a bully whose toxic behaviour is constantly overlooked/excused due to them having been there for so long. I walked out of a job when I was a lot younger due to similar behaviour from a much older woman's constant bullying behaviour. Best decision! Just wish I'd done it sooner. Sending hugs 🥰

Eventhedog · 08/07/2023 13:19

Sorry, but leaving sounds like the only option, they wont ever accept they're in the wrong. Hopefully finding a new job wont take too long, good luck! Imagine this time next year being happily settled working in a place with actual grown-ups.

Catusrusty · 08/07/2023 13:25

That's interesting, this is the second thread in a day saying older women co workers in a healthcare setting are behaving like 'mean girls'

Same wording

ChesterAndRaoul · 08/07/2023 13:33

Personally, I would look for a new job, but I would also escalate it.

They have done it before, they're doing it to you, and they will do it again. Leaving without taking it as far as I could wouldn't sit right with me... But then I can take a bit of bullying, and I know the next person might not be able to.

You absolutely should do what is right for you, you spend the majority of your time at work (if you are full time) so make sure you're happy there.

OwlBabiesAreCute · 08/07/2023 13:34

Why did you apologise to B? Now they have in writing that you are in the wrong.

Re the desk: move it back. Go smiling grey rock. Ignore them as much as possible. Don't explain yourself / your decisions / your meetings.

You can't control their behaviour but you can control your reactions.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 08/07/2023 13:35

I would be thinking they bully me because I'm so much younger than them. The inner bitch thinks 'you're be in your old age long before me and still moaning'.
But then I'm the smile, wave and 'that's nice' [fuck off] sort.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 08/07/2023 13:37

cat can you either link it or report if you think there is a problem? Other than that your comment s are not helping OP unless you are A or B in the thread.

KirstenBlest · 08/07/2023 13:45

I've worked in a toxic team not dissimilar, but not in healthcare.
My guess is that the GP employed women who would be her 'pals'.
You might have been employed because 'you wouldn't rock any boats'.

Keep a record of incidents, and look for another job.

Staycalmgirls · 08/07/2023 14:37

I feel for you. I don’t think it’s to do with age though. I thought I’d found a dream job but the female boss was such a nasty piece of work. In the end I got the Union involved, to no avail. So I told her what I thought of her and walked out the door. I was 57 and single and went to college instead.

Tinkerbyebye · 08/07/2023 14:58

Find another job. But in the meantime I would record conversations then play them back to the gp

TheLifeofMe · 08/07/2023 15:03

Women are such bitches at times! Men are so much less complicated. It's why I always preferred to work with men. You know where you stand. Women can be two faced and just down right nasty. It's more than likely jealousy. You're younger and the older ones don't like it.

I think the only answer is to find a new job. I would record conversations as proof. So when you leave you can drop the recording off with the boss and say this is what I put up with and you did nothing about it.

ThursdayFreedom · 08/07/2023 15:16

@blondequdi

surely there are lots of jobs available to you right now?

might be tricky with your BF, but she can change jobs too?!

BUT if you love the actual job & want to stay then just fight fire with fire!

respond very firmly when they comment or try to tell you what to do. Have a few stock phrases so you don't need think of replies on the hoof!

things like the desk, move it back & tell them to leave your/bf stuff alone, if BF wanted it moved she'd have moved it herself!

basically, take no shit!

keep your eye on the job market! Like I said, surely you won't be out of work for 5 minutes!!

A&B are creating a horrible atmosphere, but only you can change, you can't change them!! (Unfortunately)

Sparkleshine21 · 08/07/2023 15:43

Missing the point, but you’ve used a phrase from the lyrics of taylor swifts Anti-Hero and not sure if you’re aware 😂😂😂

New posts on this thread. Refresh page