friend with terminal cancer

[SaltedButty]

Hello everyone. My very close friend was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer just under 2 weeks ago. He is very young and it's come as a shock to everyone.

I saw him last night and he is in reasonably good spirits despite his prognosis of 6 months.

He doesn't work due to long term mental health problems and therefore has little money.

I really want to start a fundraiser for him so that he has some money to do some nice things before he dies, and also to set his mind at ease about funeral arrangements etc.

When/if ever do you think is the right time to broach this? I don't want to do it without his permission.

He has so so many friends, he has always been very popular due to his kindness and full of life personality. I'm sure we could raise a great amount for him.

I've no experience in this, so I don't know what to do. All I know is I want to help him. I'm also very aware that there are still some people who don't know about his diagnosis so I wouldn't start anything before he's told everyone.

Or shall I just put this idea out of my head? I just want him to be happy and my heart aches at the thought of him holing himself up for the last few months. He hasn't even enough money to top his phone up :( I have offered him cash but he wouldn't take it, instead I have directed him to a local cancer charity who are going to help him find out if he is entitled to any financial help.

We have also arranged a little movie night for him and our close friends and a takeaway which he is excited about. I just want to help him do fun stuff whilst he is able to, I know pancreatic cancer can take hold very quickly so am aware he could get very poorly soon. It's already spread to 2 other organs.

So yes, is it rude to bring up the idea of a fundraiser or do I wait it out longer, or even not bring it up at all?

Thank you for reading. And please, try to be kind in your responses, I'm feeling very emotional x

No advice about the fundraising OP, but how sad to hear of his situation and prognosis. He is lucky to have good friends like you.

I'd run it by another friend and if they think it's a good idea, you could both offer to start a gofundme for him?
I'd think of a tactful, nice way to broach it though

Very sad situation

I'd suggest asking how you could support him eg taking to medical appointments, bringing food over. And then, perhaps, sound him out about a fundraising page. He might appreciate the kind thought but hate the idea. And that's ok

Don't pressure him to have fun while he can. We all deal with these things differently. Some people retreat from the world

With that condition, before long, a meal out, a walk, a longer journey, won't appeal to him. I'd forget the fundraiser; its a complication /factor/issue he just doesn't need right now. Focus on doing nice but very simple homely things with friends. A film or concert. A massage. Reflexology. A sound bath.

Direct cremation is not expensive ( a handful of friends could fund one) and if push comes to shove the local council will provide it free. Don't let him worry about that. Instead, and with him, you can all plan his memorial party.

First question to friend; shall we do it after you're dead; or now when you can enjoy it?

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend it's gut wrenching to get news like that.
If there is something in particular he has previously talked about wanting to do, a place to visit, band to see, kayaking etc
I would give it a few weeks till he has had a chance to tell people and process a bit and then suggest a fundraiser for that particular thing to him. You can say anything extra that isn't needed can always be donated to a cancer charity. Although it will possibly be needed for help, taxi's to appointments, things to help in the home etc

If you have a Maggies Centre within reach, I really recommend you taking a trip to see what's on offer he might appreciate. It's free.

I have mentioned maggies but he has been putting it off. I will be texting him this evening for my usual check in so will ask if he's gone yet and if not, if I can take him on my day off. Thank you for the advice. The more I think about it you're right, he probably won't have the ability to do anything fun soon so we will just pitch in as and when needed x