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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unable to ever have extra sleep!

21 replies

karrliz · 08/07/2023 10:53

Husband offers to take baby in the morning as I'm up throughout the night doing night feeds.

However he always has to use the toilet first thing (which is totally fine btw) but just sits and scrolls through Facebook videos for 30 mins!

He then returns and says 'I'll take him now' by which point I've been awake with baby for 30 mins and wide awake!

Obviously he needs to go to the toilet, but is it unfair to ask him to just be quick and do his business and return? Baby is 11 months and I can count on 2 fingers the amount of times I've had the chance to stay I bed an extra hour!

OP posts:
Duckafuk · 08/07/2023 10:54

YANBU at all, he is taking the piss.

blahblahblah1654 · 08/07/2023 10:55

He sounds like a lazy turd. No one needs to hide away in the toilet for 30 minutes. He's doing it on purpose so you have to get up.

ZekeZeke · 08/07/2023 10:58

It's a Strategic move on his part.

Daisythecat15 · 08/07/2023 10:59

If it were me I'd just go back to sleep once DH came to take the baby, but I'm lucky that I can fall asleep basically any time.

If you can't go back to sleep, yes you need to tell him he's being unfair. Nobody needs to sit on the toilet for 30 mins unless they have IBS or something. Definitely I'd ask him why he can't just be quick and come back as soon as he's done!

User3253625 · 08/07/2023 11:00

Funnily enough there was another MN thread a while back where a shitting husband got full sympathy from the posters. Everyone was like YANBU to control someone's bowel habits etc.

However it's such a common trick that men hide on the toilet to avoid doing certain tasks at certain times. Weaponised incompetence. DH does it, exactly the same way to avoid taking the baby/toddler right after getting up which means I never get to sleep in.

You can either confront him to spend less time on the toilet or just accept things will be the way they are.

CindersAgain · 08/07/2023 11:00

Husband need to get up with the baby. As in the baby wakes, you sleep, he gets the baby.

Hazelnuttella · 08/07/2023 11:00

Yes he’s being ridiculous.

However at 11 months I would be trying to reduce and stop night feeds personally (unsolicited advice I know).

TinySaltLick · 08/07/2023 11:00

He can just take the baby in there with him surely - what would be do if he was the only one in the house?

TinySaltLick · 08/07/2023 11:01

Hazelnuttella · 08/07/2023 11:00

Yes he’s being ridiculous.

However at 11 months I would be trying to reduce and stop night feeds personally (unsolicited advice I know).

Advice both unsolicited as well as bad

Iamclearlyamug · 08/07/2023 11:01

CindersAgain · 08/07/2023 11:00

Husband need to get up with the baby. As in the baby wakes, you sleep, he gets the baby.

Agree with this

SeaToSki · 08/07/2023 11:02

no phones in the toilet.. a new house rule

Grumpigal · 08/07/2023 11:08

Yeah he just needs to take the baby

“DH when we’ve agreed that you’ll take the baby so I can sleep in, can you actually take the baby”

“I need the toilet first”

“no, you go and sit on the toilet on your phone for 30 mins which completely removes any chance of me getting back to sleep. Please take the baby with you”

end of conversation

ShirleyPhallus · 08/07/2023 11:12

At 11 months old you don’t need to be holding on to the baby for him before he returns. Surely he can get up before the baby wakes, do his business, then get the baby up? Or if he takes the baby just leave the bathroom door open and let the baby crawl around wherever is safe.

Id also be reducing the night feeds, they don’t routinely need them at this stage

Different if the baby was 11 weeks!

Dogscanteatonions · 08/07/2023 11:15

Fuck that shit. When my exh left me with a toddler and a young baby I had to bloody manage when I needed the loo which usually meant taking the baby in with me usually in a bouncer and sometimes just holding them while on the loo. Loads of woman bloody manage so he fucking can. This gives me the rage.

Persiana · 08/07/2023 11:17

At 11 months old it isn't a tiny baby so he should get up, take the baby and go to the toilet either with the baby or put him in a bouncer seat or whatever - basically act as if he's alone with the baby and needs the toilet!

SunSurfSand · 08/07/2023 11:23

Does he think that every woman on parental leave just doesn't use the toilet all day?

He needs to take the baby as soon as the baby wakes, and figure out for himself how and when to use the toilet.

He has absolutely trying it on and you're letting him get away with it.

billy1966 · 08/07/2023 11:28

Just another selfish lazy man.

No not normal.

He is just selfish.

Don't have another child with him, they just get worse.

Good men would want you to have a sleep in.

Lazy losers won't care if you are exhausted.

This is who he is, selfish, uncaring.

Aria2015 · 08/07/2023 11:28

My dh used to do this, but it was nearer 10 mins - bits still enough to leave me wide awake. I got quite upset about it and just told him he'd have to do what I do (EVERY DAY!!) and that was get up, take the baby and the baby would have to come with him to the toilet - funnily his toilet breaks got much shorter when he had company!

Münchner · 08/07/2023 11:28

Tell him to take the baby into the bog with him. That's what I did with DD, just required some gymnastics to stop her sticking the toilet brush in her mouth :D

Topseyt123 · 08/07/2023 13:05

He is doing it deliberately.

Tell him that he must take the baby with him into the toilet, just as I presume you have to do at times every, single day. I would be willing to bet that if he does that then his toilet time will reduce drastically.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/07/2023 13:22

Why can't he take the baby with him?

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