Have different attitudes to money affected your friendship?

[Jacketpotato4]

I have a friend I've known since school, I haven't seen her in 7 months but she lives fairly locally.

it mainly started when she met her husband who's a very successful businessman and property developer. She lived in a houseshare prior to him and then they started going on luxury holidays and such, she confided in me that she'd hardly pay for anything as he was paying it all.
I thought well she's happy, it wasn't really the kind of thing I wanted but good for her.
Anyway I feel like her attitude has changed a lot over the last few years. I'm not saying that's her husband's fault, but obviously her lifestyle has changed. That shouldn't matter in friendships but I just feel that she's almost become snobby and it's a shame.
I was seeing her once and she said, 'Oh Edward (the husband) always likes me to have at least several thousand in the bank as a safety net.'
And I just thought, ok? That's fantastic for you.
Then actually the last time I saw her she was saying 'Me and Edward do fantastically for ourselves, I can't deny that.' it just seems like these boasts about money.
I very recently passed my driving test and of course the two of them have top of the range cars that cost as much as a house. She told me 'You absolutely must buy a __' can't remember what car she said but it may as well have been a Mazeratti or something.
I just thought oh yeah right, with that spare 100k I've got.
I earn around 26k, I'll maybe never have the things they have but honestly have a fantastic work balance and I'm happy with it. Sometimes I do feel that I should be earning more though. My partner earns a bit less.
The friend is perfectly nice when I encounter her but as I say I haven't seen her since Christmas. I haven't been rude or anything that I can think of.
I do remember a few years ago her and her husband dropped me off at my flat. The husband said 'this isn't the best area of _.) I just thought, excuse me?
Why would you say that right in front of me? My friend briefly popped in to see my flat, the back downstairs she asked me to walk her to her car as she had seen a man walking nearby and was 'scared'.
It was around 7pm, I lived on a busy main road and her car was parked one minute away from the flat.
I just found it all a bit snobby.
This happens I suppose, not sure if I'm being mean? If she's happy that's great, it's just the thoughtless comments and how she almost seems to be boasting.
She had a tough life at school so it's great if she's successful now. It's not how much they have though, it's the attitude.
Anyway she never really contacts first anymore and is always 'sooo busy' (aren't we all) but I know she lunches with another similarly well off friend so I guess I just need to move on.

Is she actually successful in what she does or is it the husband though?

She earns around 36k I think? Which is very decent but from what I gather the husband earns a lot more.

Well let's me honest... it's her husband doing well. Not very humble 😂 but I've found a few people became like this. I gathered it's insecurity, you fear what you do not want to happen. She probably hated her life in the houseshare, so creating a big divide in her mind between that time in her life to now may soothe her, separating herself keeps it at arms length.

Although she's making herself feel better by putting you down not really a friend thing to do :(

I generally avoid that behaviour and carry on being happy in my little bubble. Somewhere down the line it might all fall apart then she will be more thoughtful again. I've noticed the more you have, the more you have to lose.

If you aren't gaining anything from the friendship then I would quietly drop it. No need to do anything other than not contact her and wait and see if she contacts you.

I wouldn't be keen on spending too much time with someone who has negative vibes about my life in general.

She values money. Not your friendship.

Thanks everyone. Yes she never seemed to have much growing up and so meeting this man probably felt like the lottery, so now she can have all these nice things. But I think she's already decided for herself that I don't 'fit in' hence why she never contacts me herself now and it's 'never convenient' to come to my flat that she's never seen in 2 years, she can't even drive here in her fancy car.
Ah well, leave her to it. I think a lot of it is insecurity.
She made some sort of comment about how I 'wing it' in life too. Just because I haven't followed the 'traditional' path.

One of my best friends from school is very focused on money, but in the opposite sense that she always complains about not having money and it being able to afford things, and always brings it up into every conversation and I sense she is a bit jealous. She has not worked a mainstream job since having her eldest child (now a teenager) only moving from MLM or pyramid schemes to the next but never stays with one long, her DH also moves job a lot and is a tradesman, they live in social housing (and actually have a nicer house and in a nicer area than us) which I have no issue with at all but it’s the way she is always complaining and going on about how is easy for me, her kids have to miss out on nice things (her kids do more clubs and have more things than mine) and how I’m so fortunate to have money not have to worry about money etc. This is actually not true - we are not struggling (thankfully) but I’m a social worker and DH is also public sector, we both work full time and juggle a lot and have childcare costs and have a high mortgage so our outgoings are high and we have certainly felt the pinch (although I realise we are also fortunate to have a home on mortgage) but recently we went on holiday for a week abroad (first time in 3 years) and she asked us about it, and then she had a go at me and actually cried telling me that it wasn’t fair that we could afford to go abroad and how thats something she’d never be able do for her kids and then refused to speak to me for the rest of the evening. She always makes comments when we are out like, “oh well it’s ok if you do a round, (of drinks) it’s nothing for you” or makes a lot of complaining if we are out to dinner and paying the bill as if she is hinting for us to pay for her and her DH too. When it was my DCs first birthday she actually had a go at me for NOT having a big party for him, because “I could easily afford it and it’s not like money is a problem” when actually it was nothing to do with money, but we felt it wouldn’t be necessary as he wouldn’t care either way. Every time I mention work she rolls her eyes and I think she thinks I earn a lot more than I do - I have to remind her I’m a public sector social worker not a flipping lawyer. Me and DH have started counting the amount of times she brings money into the conversation or complains about not being able to afford something or it having any money, and we are well into counting on both hands before the evening has ended. DH has also said that he doesn’t like being with her as she guilt trips him into offering to pay for things.

Sadly it has ruined our friendship I think as it’s not the same anymore (we used to be very close friends) but it’s not that money has ruined it - it’s her fixation with money and her (wrong) perception that we have lots of money. I don’t have the energy for it anymore.

Yes I find the more money a person has the important and precious they tend to feel and the same goes for their children.
for example my husband and I have a decent income but a family member has recently become extremely wealthy. Sent their children to private school etc. They used to come to family restaurants with us like tgi Fridays and now they won’t set foot in the place.
i also find my in laws treating their children differently like buying them more expensive more elaborate birthday and Christmas gifts and buying cheaper things for our children.

Yeah both those examples are very sad too.
It's a shame how money can affect people.

My friend is similar. She married a man with family money. Basically IL's pay for everything she wants, including multiple abroad holidays a year, all bills, free house etc. She has become incredibly lazy & entitled.

She doesn't have time anymore for a coffee with me. She's SAHM with zero responsibility & has massive childcare support with family, but is apparently soooo busy (manicures, massages, gym etc.)!! Only interested in me now if wants to whinge about having to do things I do everyday, or her kids need entertaining by mine. I know she's working on an expensive abroad holiday with other people they barely know.

I know she thinks we're dull as she commented as much about her lifelong best friend who, like us, pays their own way. It's sad as she was quite nasty about her other friend - her lack of bitchiness was what originally attracted me to her as a friend.

I'm accepting the friendship has become toxic to me so I'm stepping back from it.

I know one who was brought up in a poor household. Been jealous of other people all her life. Got a mortgage and started looking down on people who hadn’t. Obsessed with money tho never had any. Would rather try to be rich than happy (no chance of either). It all stems from childhood

Yeah it's really sad isn't it :(

I would suspect she's feeling quite insecure if most of her social life is more like her husband's circles. Socialising with you providers her with an opportunity, consciously or unconsciously, to help her feel secure in herself by talking money with someone who obviously doesn't have huge sums sitting in the bank.

It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but part of me would be wondering if she's really as happy as she claims because secure and content people don't generally talk money like that.