Dealing with a slightly bossy colleague

[Jacketpotato4]

It's in a community care setting. I've met her twice, and I'll be with her again next week. One thing about this job is that you don't see the same people regularly, and I am actually leaving shortly for another care company which pays a bit more.
Anyway, she is pleasant, not rude or nasty, but just bossy.
I've actually been with this company for 3 years which she knows, and her for 2 months. She seems to be in her late 40s or thereabouts, I'm early 30s but some people seem to think younger (no it's not a boast, it's really not a bad thing to look your age! And people seem to have no idea what 30 actually looks like)
Anyway, we attend certain calls together and I'll find that she tries to take the lead. She'll tell me things that are blatantly obvious like 'You need to take the key out of the key safe and open the door."
And inside I'm thinking 'well no shit sherlock' (obviously I'd never say that).
Or for instance I was giving a lady a drink and she said 'You need to go and take the rubbish out." And I'm thinking 'Let me give this lady her drink first.'
She does this quite a lot, I'll clearly be doing something and she'll try and tell me to do something else. So last night I said to her 'One thing at a time.'
I try to be assertive without being rude. So I'll try to say 'Yes, I know.' or 'Yes, I'm just doing this first.'
Obviously being asked to help is one thing, guidance is another but her trying to give me blatantly obvious instructions is frustrating.
I don't know how to deal with it. I've had this a couple of times, I like community care because I mainly work alone so don't need to deal with this.
I mentioned the age thing because sometimes I get the impression that they think I'm some 'young girl who doesn't know what she's doing.'
Even though I've been there several years which I've told her, and I've had good feedback. Not saying I'm perfect as nobody is, but if I were so rubbish, slow or whatever surely there would be complaints.
Anyway, just wondered how to deal with these constant instructions as it's getting me down. Thanks

Obviously you’re going to say no to that

As you’re leaving maybe on your last time together maybe give her some feedback. You acknowledge her passion for the job but does she realise that sometimes she comes across as very bossy and as she is still only a few months in you’re telling her so it does t affect future relationships.

Just say this.

Although I would fix her with a steely gaze and follow it with, I know what I'm doing.

You'll come across lots of bossy people of all ages and both sexes so it's important to know how to be assertive.

The worst I had was a 23 year old man, who knew jack shit about jack shit but thought he was an authority on life because he listened to Alex Jones (not the nice one). When you're a nearly fifty year old woman being told by a boy that the gender pay gap and sexual discrimination don't exist, it can rankle a bit.

I put him straight obviously.

Yes if you have no brains at all start an argument right before leaving your job. 🙄 That won't scare the clients at all or make you look like an idiot. It's definitely not the rise she's trying to get out of you.

Or you could do what sensible, non-inflammatory posters have suggested and grey rock her/tune her out and take heart with the fact that you're leaving soon.

I actually find her slow but I'd never say that of course. I did exactly the same care round with another carer a few days prior and we finished 45 minutes earlier.
I don't think I've had any complaints as far as I know recently as the management would not hesitate to tell me, they call people in for meetings etc.

Anyway I will try to just ignore it or have a word as people have kindly suggested.

Did you bother to read what i suggested she say

Just tell her to back off and let you concentrate and do the job that you’ve been doing for the last 3 years just fine without her

does that sound like trying to start an inflammatory argument. No criticising her whatsoever. Just leave me to do my job

In this case it really does not matter. Poor patients though, seeing carers arguing or not cooperating together must be adding to their constant distress

Somewhat ironic

Fair point

I work in a lovely place which i love and seems the minute the manager goes on a free day, the mice want to play boss. Suddenly everyone is HR, telling you that your contract states your breaks falsely -????!!! loooool, that your boss is totally incompetent, to do this and that that way, but you know, in a way everyone pulls their load and we make this thing roll out and make money. I have resigned from self emotional burdening over such things. Whatever, whenever and with the Lord's help, I am cruising my waters

Thanks all, I know I won't see her much more but I will likely encounter this in future work so it's also to know how to deal with it. I would never start these discussions in front of clients of course.

OP I don’t know why others are sticking the boot in, you have a perfectly valid annoyance here! I think you have a few of choices depending on your personality.

if you are very anti-confrontation then you could play a game of “orders bingo” in your head, so that you find her orders more amusing than annoying. Then you can just smile wryly to yourself every time she says something like this and think, Bingo!

if you are assertive but like to be polite then you could just say “thanks Sandra, I’ve actually been doing this job for 3 years, so I can work the tasks out for myself. Let me know if I can help you with any guidance!”

if you don’t mind actual confrontation then you could head her off at the pass - try to remember the orders she has given you previously and get in their first! As soon as you get to the house - “Sandra; you need to take the key out of the key safe and open the door”. As soon as she starts her first task “Sandra; you need to take the rubbish out”. If she says anything you could then just say you thought that was her preferred communication style due to your last interactions with her!

as you’re leaving soon it doesn’t really matter, but I would advise against completely burning bridges as you simply have no idea when your paths might cross again, however unlikely it may seem now. Also best to know in your own head that you’ve always acted professionally.

In your shoes I would go with option 2, but I’d also give a heads up before attending the first appointment. Something like “so I’m leaving in 3 weeks and it’s made me realise how much I’ve learnt in my 3 years on the job. It all feels like second nature to me now!”. Then at least you know she’s aware of your experience!

Yes, I did read it. And I think saying anything like this to someone who is hyper critical/controlling/bossy/pushy will go down extremely well.
Extremely well.

In reality it won't be the mic drop moment you are hoping for because she will respond from a place of wanting to regain her control and OP will have to spend the rest of the day dealing with her.

The way you've spoken to me and the OP on this thread suggests you're not an authority on conflict resolution.

I have a bossy colleague. She sticks her nose in to everything. One day I will say "do you work at being this bossy or does it come naturally?"

Well in that case I’ve had a somewhat charmed life. As never encounter a fraction of the work / school gate / family nonsense I read on mumsnet.

generally my life has been pretty calm in terms of relationships and conflict!

I don’t have experience if your job so perhaps these examples won’t work but here is my advice.
You need to take the rubbish out- ooh good reminder, I’m giving Doris her breakfast, so please take that out now rather than wait.
Take the key out the key safe- thanks, that generally is the plan 😊

Whereas the same given your very recent posts on other threads that I’ve been @pinguins cant’ be said for you 🤷‍♀️

Oh OP you've been getting a really hard time here! Sympathy seems to be in short supply on MN today! Your colleague sounds like a right pain in the ass.

Don't just put up with it because you're leaving - respond every single time with "I'm aware, Karen" or "Really?! Thanks for that Karen. I've been doing this job for a few years now and didn't know that. How clever you are to have realised after just a couple of months".

Apologies to real life Karens - I love you really 🙈

I'd just say to her 'please stop telling me what to do' but I have no tolerance for bossy people