AIBU for feeling a little bit envious?

[Embelline]

I’ve changed a few details as I know my sister is on here but I’m feeling really jealous of her new relationship. I’m REALLY happy for her, but it doesn’t change the envy.

quixk summary: I broke up with DH after finding out he had cheated, I briefly got together with my best friend who is male but it didn’t go well, and now DH and I are trying to make things for work (we have a three year old DS). It’s going well, but I think it’s fair to say I’m not misty eyed with the romance of it all.

Dsis had a failed marriage, then stayed happily single for a while before getting together with her childhood friend (male) which to be honest wasn’t a surprise to anyone, they were made for each other. They hadn’t been in touch the whole time like me and my best friend, so that side of it was a surprise, but had a very intense bond as children and literally just clicked back together and are in the midst of a bit of a whirlwind romance now.

I’m thrilled for her genuinely but I also have this gnawing jealousy. It all seems like she’s getting her (well deserved) happy ending and it’s making me look at my situation and think “is this mine?” I can’t work out if I’m envious of the new thrill of a new relationship or if I’m envious it’s actually worked out with her friend where it failed with mine. Which would be awful if that’s the case because as I say, I’m trying to make things work with DH and it’s actually going really well.

We are going on a family holiday this year with dsis and her partner and Our parents and I’m kind of dreading it. She’s excited about it and excited about life in general and I’m just finding that I’m taking a step back and avoiding her a bit :(

AIBU to feel this way? Someone tell me to give my head a wobble.

This holiday has all the makings of something very unpleasant and tense

Did you not a honeymoon period with your DH

i recall mine all to well. The passion, the fact that you want to be with them so much and when you’re not, you’re counting down the days. The sex!

and then it evolves with time. Hopefully into an enduring and supportive and solid relationship.

Would I be right in thinking that you are still panging for your school friend lover?

I presume you think your sister won't recognise herself because she's actually your brother.

In any case, don't try to stay married to someone who cheated on you. Basic error.

ah yes, a brother

No not my brother. Doubt he'd be on Mumsnet. But that's all I'll say on that.

Anyway, thank you for those who have given advice, you're probably right. I think I kind of said in my post that I am questioning things and I'm not sure if it's because I'm envious, or it's the fact that I'm envious that's opening my eyes if you see what I mean.

I don't want to go into details about the affair/what my family think etc as that's not what the thread is about and not why I'm dreading the holiday. I'm just dreading constantly comparing us to them.

Yes we did have a honeymoon period, and I know realistically that that is what they are in right this moment but I see how they are together and it makes me feel sad. They're just so made for each other and I'm almost sad for her that they didn't realise sooner, even though we're all happy they've finally realised now. Have you ever just been around a perfect couple and felt a bit wistful? And before anyone suggests it I'm not secretly hankering after her partner, it's not anything like that.

Making her happiness about me is Selfish I know. Which is why I'm ranting on here and not to anyone in real like because I can see I don't come out of the rant covered in glory.

A poster asked what was going on with me and DH and why I gave him another chance - we've been together a long time, I love him, we have history and a child together and I wanted to. I might be naive and maybe I'll regret it but I think I would regret it more if I just washed my hands of the whole thing.

I guess I just wanted to hear that it's a normal way to feel.

Because of my feelings of envy? Or because of what happened with DH? I'm not worried about the latter.

Why?

because surely your family know that your DH betrayed you and their niece / granddaughter very very badly and very recently.

Surely your dh feels somewhat sheepish

will your sister be bringing her children too if she has any?

Your subconscious is telling you that "making a go of things" with your cheating spouse isn't the way to be happy.

It's not a choice between the existing spouse and a childhood friend, either, FWIW.

Good point

A shared history isn’t a reason to stay together.

You say you love your husband. Do you though? or do you just have a shared history means you have some feeling for him. And it’s easier to get back with him rather than go through all the upheaval of divorce.

If you had always been in love with him, you wouldn’t have got with your best friend would you? You wouldn’t have risked such an important friendship when you were in love with someone else. You wouldn’t have have done that to your best friend.

I suspect your feelings aren’t really jealousy. I suspect it’s making you think about your relationship and you aren’t happy in that relationship. You are trying to make it work, because it seems to make sense. But it’s not really working for you is it?

I wouldn’t bet on their honeymoon period ending to make you feel better. Sometimes it doesn’t. He may look at her he does forever. He may open doors and hold her hand forever. Some people do. You can’t sit and wait for their excitement and happiness to die down so you feel better.

My exhs grandparents whole marriage was a honeymoon period. He adored her. Even in their later years he looked at her like she was a goddess sent to bless him. They even died within days of eachother. Once she was gone he gave up. If your sister and her Dp end up like this, what will you do to make yourself feel better?