How do you avoid conflict over screen time with your tweens?

[toosweaty]

I've got a 12.5 year old, going on 18 year old, DS.

We've had boundaries/time limits for phone time usage, gaming etc - because honestly, he would be on it 24/7 if we didn't. On a non-school day, I'd say about 2.5-3 hours gaming. An episode or 2 (20 mins) of a programme he likes. Plus he has 1.5 hours limit on his phone - I'm guessing he mostly uses that for WhatsApp or You Tube brain-dead scrolling.

I don't think that's too restrictive (he does, of course). But It's a bottomless pit, so whenever we relax and expand time on this stuff, he then insists he needs more. It's his demand/go to whenever he's not doing an activity - like his sports, or going to the park (where I'm sure they're all on their phones).

I care about him not being on this stuff all the time. But equally, two strike days this week was a warning shot of what summer holidays will be like. Conflict over it and stress for me.

I don't want to fight with him. Neither do I give up all my beliefs.

What do parents do for this age group? Am I fighting a losing battle?

For those of you who want to simply tell me to grow a spine and walk away - he has a will of f**ing iron. It's like talking to a top notch barrister. Honestly. Unless you have a child who goes for the war-of-attrition approach, you have no idea how relentless it is

My DC is similar age and I put app limits on of 2 hours a day, downtime meaning everything except music/podcasts turns off automatically an hour before bedtime and comes back on at 7a.m. And blocked YouTube. And phone is downstairs overnight (not that they could do anything with it due to downtime but making a habit for when they're older and I will have to relinquish control).

I never enter into discussions. Over and over again, I have had to say, "This isn't up for debate." I hear what you're saying about persistence. It is a monumental pain but far less of a pain than me being responsible for the timings: the phone/tablet just does it. Rare occasions I allow an extension E.g. they went to their first dnd.

We occasionally talk about me reviewing limits as we go through the next few years with the goal being at 16 they've control.

My DS (11) has 45 minutes a day of screentime, but I want to encourage him to socialise with new friends so would you allow limitless WhatsApp messaging? It’s hard to know whether he’s on YouTube or on WhatsApp and he’s realised that I’m keen on him messaging friends so he says he is texting them - no idea if true.