To find it incredibly hard to make friends

[Jacketpotato4]

I'm 32, and I've always lacked boundaries/assertiveness but I've finally improved over the last few years.
I have one good friend, and around 5 or so people who I'd see twice a year.
Fortunately I have my partner and a good relationship with my family but I cannot rely on them completely.
I've always been slightly shy, perhaps a little awkward and sadly this makes people want to run a mile. Like people seem to think I'm very nice or kind but don't have an interest in taking things further.
I'm no longer interested in a big 'group' because I find they can be quite toxic.
My partner always gives me suggestions of going out to different clubs, which I do it's just finding connections with people.
Many people just seem to already have their groups, or are focused on their families, or sadly are just not interested in me because I'm slightly quiet/shy or whatever.
I don't sit there and say nothing, I am still friendly, chat , show an interest and try to have laugh. I probably just say slightly less or I'm just not quite as 'bubbly' and this gets me written off which I think is a shame. People don't seem to want quieter friends sadly.
I've had a few friendships over the years where they were emotional vampires, I was just some sort of sounding board for them. I've had one or two friendships where there was an element of jealousy/competitiveness from them.
One or two 'platonic' male friendships where they just couldn't resist making comments about my appearance.
I know I'm just wallowing, but I really don't know what else to do. The last time I had someone express interest in friendship with me was from an 18 year old!
In a way I enjoy the peace, I'm not involved in constant expectations to text, constant demands and so on. I can mostly do what I like, when I like.
It's just lonely sometimes and I don't know what to do.
I'm sure there are many of us in the same boat. Is it something you're resigned to as an adult?

I know I'm very lucky to have one friend. The people I see twice a year, they're school friends and it's usually arranged because I organise something.

You’ve got more friends than me ! And yes, I’m resigned to it.
Ive always moved on, so never kept friends. I moved away from my home town, moved away from my Uni town, moved in from jobs, so the friends I made there I have lost.
I also find, as people get older, they are more involved with their children or grand children to be bothered.

Dusty that's not necessarily true .. I have also moved a lot but find it easy to make friends but I think you need to ask yourself what you are looking for in a 'friendship'. Do you want to meet people to have a pleasant couple of hours with occasionally or do you see a 'friend' as someone you have deep, meaningful conversations with and pour your heart out to?

I like to meet people through activities so I will find something I enjoy .. obviously we all like different things but it might be sport, Book Club, local politics, Church, volunteering, local History society, Am Dram ... whatever .. go along, enjoy the 'activity' and meet like minded people. Of course they are not all going to become 'best friends' immediately but you will meet a wide range of people. However I don't want to be appear 'needy' when I meet new people, I find that some people are so desperate to be 'best friends' that they ignore social cues and just want to meet one-to-one without understanding that friendships take time to evolve. Focus on the activities you enjoy. (And please don't be one of those people who says 'I haven't got any interests or hobbies').

Thank you for your replies. I am not looking for someone who wants daily meetups and texting at all hours of the day (I have known that before).
I just want to be appreciated for who I am.
I worked in a care home until a couple of months ago. People there seemed to like me because I was nice and hopefully good at the job, but 99% of them had this very larger-than-life, very extroverted personality and I didn't, so I was never invited to anything (they did socialise outside of work).
I asked one colleague if she'd like to go for coffee but she just made an excuse it seems.
I know friendships will take time to develop too, maybe as you say I need to just go to these hobbies because I enjoy them and not with the expectation of making friends, and just do it for me.

I was a shy child and though I've learned to mask it and am now sociable and chatty in company I can be still quite insecure in initiating swapping numbers/meeting up with people unless I know them very well.
So I tended to become friends with stronger personalities who would do all the initiating in the beginning.

Now I am much more likely to become friends with the quieter not as a intense personalities because it is a slower process with less demands on me.
I don't really meet people for coffee/drinks 1:1 outside hobbies though for a good while as I find it a bit pressured.
More likely to go along to something May connected to the hobby a few times first so there is distraction and we can see how well we get along before sitting across a table looking at each other. That could be just me though.
If you would like to make friends in work/hobbies/locally I would suggest to someone who seems nice if they would like to go the Farmers Market/hike/workshop/film etc with you rather than a coffee.
If they come and it goes well you can do something else another time and build up from there. If they don't come they might think of you as someone who would like to do that sort of thing another time.

I have very few friends too, but recognize it's partly due to having vastly different interests from most people I meet. So unless I feel someone is quite similar, I don't pursue any big friendships as I know they'll be a waste of energy and time. I also quite like my own company and solitary activities, such as reading books and creative writing, so I'm not that bothered. But I was like you when I was younger and really wanted company. I think your husband's right, try to meet people through a hobby, common interest or cause you care about. The rest should follow more naturally than if you were to invite a random co-worker out for coffee.

99% of them had this very larger-than-life, very extroverted personality

Seems either unlikely or very bad luck that so many of them were like this. In most workplaces with a reasonably-sized team you'd usually get a mix of types so hopefully the next place you work will have more suitable potential friends. Or you could just be seeing them as so extrovert from your perspective, because most people aren't larger than life very extrovert - is there a chance maybe they're just that bit more outgoing but you still find that extreme/off-putting? Not saying you're doing anything wrong, obviously you can only be yourself, but just trying to identify how things could be different elsewhere in future.

I've always found friends through work, but that's partly because it's the kind of work that is a passion too so we've got that in common. I also used to be much more shy and awkward but I'm a good listener so learnt to focus on the other people more, showing interest and putting them at ease, which puts me at ease. I also instigate things - ask people to the cinema or theatre, where there's less pressure to purely socialise and then you have something to talk about over a drink afterwards, and then the friendship builds as you accumulate shared experiences. I won't deny it's not always easy to start with, but if you push through that first bit and don't take it too personally when people aren't feeling it, it's worth it in the end. Or it's not and you realise you're perfectly content with DP and your current friend set-up, which isn't too bad at all by the sounds of it.