To go on family holiday earlier without my partner?

[SenecaFalls1848]

My parents have arranged a family holiday for everybody, my siblings and partners (14 of us). They are paying for villa, we are buying our own flights. Going in September, as parents away in August and October, cheaper and less busy in September. However partner is a teacher and back at school. They feel hurt that holiday has been organised outside of school holidays.

AIBU if I fly out for the whole week whilst partner can only join for a long weekend? For context I am on maternity leave so won’t have to use up annual leave. We have a 3 month old and 3 year old. Relationship between my spouse and my family is a little rocky but mostly ok.

It’s tricky. It was probably too expensive to book in the school holidays. I would go, unless it will cause a huge issue between you.

My DP would be hurt about the choice of the booking time but, now that had been finalised, want me to go.

Well, what would be the alternative? That fourteen people have to pay through the nose to book during the school holidays to accommodate one person? That your parents have to rearrange their August plans?

I'm sorry, but your spouse's job imposes a restriction on them. It is unfair of them to wish that restriction extended so widely.

I'd imagine that their hurt feelings stem more from the slightly rocky relationship with your family than with the actual holiday. If the relationship was solid, do you think they'd feel hurt? Or would they just go 'Oh well, them's the breaks when you're a teacher!'? But, by being a little rocky, your spouse can feel that it's a deliberate slight and not just the best option to suit the most people.

The best solution is for the relationship to become less rocky, but it rather depends on the reason for the rockiness as to whether that's possible.

They feel hurt that holiday has been organised outside of school holidays.

For fuck's sake, the world doesn't revolve around your partner. It's amazing 14 of you are able to holiday at the same time as it is. Your partner needs to grow up.

You absolutely should go earlier without him. Why wouldn't you? We have done this many times over the years, especially when our kids were little. My husband or I would join at a later time.

Have you been able to have a proper family holiday with your partner? If not then I don’t think they’re being unreasonable.

Of course you should go.

He is being ridiculous in thinking people should go through the school holidays… the cost would be ridiculous for all of you.
he should come for the long weekend, enjoy himself and let you stay on for the week with your family. To stop you spending time with your family would be mean. He should be happy for you to go

In this case September works for the majority and is certainly cheaper for all to go outside of school holidays. Unfortunately that is one of the disadvantages of being a teacher. Sorry you dh needs to cop on a bit.

Of course you and DC should go. Your DH will still get a weekend away and he will have been at home all through the (wet and miserable) summer. Would he really expect you and DC to miss out? Booking in August the price would have more than doubled which surely he must realise. If he tries to stop you from going he is being very selfish.

When we organised a big family holiday abroad our son in law came out a few days after us as our grandchildren's schools allowed them to miss the last couple of days to get cheaper flights but he had to come after school finished.
Depending on how far it is he may prefer to have a peaceful week at home and miss the long weekend!