Repost for traffic - Abortion, extremely anxious

[abortionhelp]

Hi all, this post might be a mess due to my thoughts being all over the place.

I am 20 and my boyfriend and I have just discovered I am around 4-5 weeks pregnant a few days ago. I have scheduled a consultation with MSI for a medical abortion but need some reassurance and advice as my head is in tatters. We already have one child who is nearly 3 and we are living with my parents (who will look after her during work) to save for a house so definitely cannot afford another. I am 100% having the abortion so this is not about whether I should or not.

I start a new full time job on Monday the 10th and am really worried about how I am going to cope and how my manager is going to think of me possibly needing time off in my first month. It is shift work in a bookies so long shifts (9-12 hours) and erratic rotas. I will not get days off consecutively until a while into the job and this is why I have been so stressed. I plan to take the first pill the night before my day off, but I don't get another day off after that for 4 days. I have no idea what to do and how my manager will think of me taking days off already - what do I tell them? I know that the majority of the pain and heavy bleeding happens with the first pill, so I want to try and avoid any days off, but I also have another issue:

I have untreated, quite severe anaemia. I struggle heavily with nearly fainting every time I stand, breathlessness, dizziness and extreme fatigue; I have to take multiple naps a day, especially now I am pregnant. I have made a doctor's appointment for a referral to a blood test and some iron pills but the earliest blood test I can get will be the 24th, meaning I have no idea when I will be able to get the prescription and safely have the abortion without going dangerously low. I have never had an abortion before and I am extremely upset and scared, and trying to power through the days with a toddler who doesn't nap. If I take these abortion pills, I fear I may be too tired to even work. I need this job and have no other choice.

Please help

Be honest with your employer. Tell them you're having an abortion. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a necessary medical procedure. Regardless they must give you time off if you need it - doesn't matter if you've been there 5 minutes or 5 years.

If they do / say anything untoward it could be seen as discrimination and you could sue them to the high heavens.

Either delay your start date, or go ahead as planned and be honest.

And good on you for making a smart decision regarding your future

You need to take the time off, side effects of abortion pills are not the same for everyone. Some will get the majority of the pain with the first pain, others will have delayed pain, bleeding will vary too.

Don't try to do this at work, speak to your employer, you have rights.

You’re still very early so you might want to postpone until you’ve been able to get your iron tablets. It’s worth discussing with your doctor/the clinic at the very least.

I would be honest with your employer if you feel able to. I had a termination and needed some time off work for it. They were great and really understanding - the HR manager was aware of why and the others were just told it was gynaecological. They didn’t ask for any other detail than that.

I understand the fear of the pills. It’s unknown and scary. I had a surgical termination so my experience won’t be directly comparable but I will say that the clinic had the loveliest staff that I could have hoped for and the procedure wasn’t anywhere near as scary as I thought it would be. I’m sure the clinic you go to will be able to put your mind at ease about the process and help you through it all as much as you need.

Thank you all. Unfortunately my consultation isn't until the 17th so I will have to wait another 9 days before even speaking to someone which is hard to think about. It doesn't seem that long but I have had it on my mind 24/7 every day. I will have a private conversation with my manager at some point before the consultation and tell her the situation. I have never had a full time job before so I'm unsure how the process is with sick days and medical absences, but I will ask for days off. How many should I ask for? I know it's unpredictable, but maybe just as a minimum? Will I need to show proof of the MA?

I didn't have to show proof, but I have worked at my company for a long time, you may have to.

Are you taking the pills at home?

I ended up being off for a week, but mainly because the pain and bleeding were delayed for me.

It’s up to how you feel but you’ll probably need at least 3-4 days off. I went back the afternoon after having it in the morning and that was incredibly stupid of me so definitely give yourself some time. If you end up needing more than you asked for then that’s ok. They usually ask for proof of medical time off so if you have something like an appointment letter/email/text then that should do.

Please ask about having an iron infusion at some point.

Hi there - I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. The unknowns are so stressful even without the added stress of a new job, and the waiting is so hard.

One thing worth considering is that, given your health condition, it may be that you're recommended a surgical route. If so, I'd ask for some details on how that may differ from the medical experience. Happy to talk about my experience of the surgical procedure if that would help, but for now I hope you're doing OK and have good people around you ❤️

Thank you for responding If you don't mind sharing I would love to hear about your experience with the surgical route. I have heard that it is a little faster to recover from but I'm not sure. The only person who knows I am pregnant is my boyfriend, I don't want to tell my parents as my mother is anti-abortion and would be pretty upset that I got pregnant again, but my dad is the only one who drives out of us all and my boyfriend works the same long and erratic shifts so he won't be able to fully support me

I had an abortion 14 years ago age 17 in secret from my parents so this might be helpful from that aspect. I was 6-7 weeks along and it was a medical abortion. The procedure has probably changed but had initial appointment and scan then booked in 2 weeks later. They inserted the pessary while I was there Friday lunchtime. I was nauseous the whole way home and definitely needed someone to drive me home. The bleeding kicked in later that evening and was very heavy all weekend and I was pretty much in bed all weekend with it and the cramps but I returned to school on the Monday. I played it off as a very bad period and no one ever knew until I told them years later.

i had some complications so you might want to think of some plans for how to deal with them.

Isn't anything to do with pregnancy protected? That should include termination.

I had a medical abortion in 2005 and had cramps about two hours after the first pill (11am). Bleeding started within an hour of taking the second pill and was back to normal monthly levels by the following morning. I went to work on day 2 as normal, didn't tell my boss because I worked in a male dominated and unhelpful environment. I didn't have anaemia. I was able to work normally.

You absolutely don’t have to tell your work exactly why you need time off. You can tell them it’s for a planned minor medical procedure and provide a drs note with expected time off needed. - If they push for an explanation (which you don’t have to give) you could say it’s a private gynecological procedure. That could be lots of things and most nosy people will stop asking at that point.

Can you have a surgical procedure? The recovery from mine was very quick, emotionally the next day was obviously tough but physically I felt fine. I was about 8 weeks. I think it is more predictable than medication.

I also had a surgical termination, at 4 weeks. For your health condition it might be better I think. The procedure is short, like 20 minutes. And youll be in recovery. It is controlled by a doctor. It will be better than if youre bleeding at home without medical supervision. I had a mirena inserted at the end of the procedure. the clinic recommended this. I was apprehensive because of the hormones, but they explained it contains only about a 10.000th of the amount in birth controll pills. It indeed made me happy, balanced. It also almost fully stops menstrual bleeding, which might be a good idea for you maybe.
I was able to work the next day. Had to wear a pad for a day or two, tampons were not allowed due to the procedure.
I can imagine you do not want people to know about this at work. You can explain you need a procedure done at a clinic. I dont think you need to share more. If you do, then think of something you would be comfortable sharing.
Wish you all the best. Good luck. And good on you for being able to make strong decisions based on what you deem best for yourself. Power to you!

This is very subjective advice.

I'd be very wary of sharing something so personal with a new job.

Good luck OP. I think planning to start the process before your day off then seeing how it goes is the best approach. Covid, D&V and other excuses might be a good way to go if needed.

It should be logged on your HR system as "pregnancy related sickness", which shouldn't count towards your general sickness record.