Free spot at a club, but has a generational wealth

[Freebieeee]

DD does an extra curricular club that is on the pricey side. It isn’t easy for us to afford it, but dd absolutely loves it so we find the money.

The club gives out free places for families who struggle - which I think is brilliant. I grew up working class, and I thought the spaces would go to kids like the ones I grew up with etc. Loved that. It’s part of why we joined the particular club we did - it felt fair.

Anyway a mum tells me today that she has a free space because she’s not working. She lives in a terrace house in expensive London - so worth around £1.5m. It’s hers. Because of generational wealth (she told me all this when we were over, before she told me that she has the spot in the club for free). She also served expensive snacks etc when we were round and shops at Ocado so clearly isn’t “poor”.

I want to be told IABU here because I suddenly feel so resentful that I’m paying in part for her daughter’s space. I could never afford a house like hers in a million years.

I don’t want to feel resentful! It’s not a fun feeling! But it’s really irritating me!

Living in an expensive house is different to having a lot of disposable income. But I would probably feel similarly to you is there anyway you could get on the committee or whatever and try to influence the free spaces going to those under represented in the club.

I was wondering that, but have no idea how to approach it!

You apply for a free spot - I didn’t, but if you do you tell them your income etc. I suppose it’s a bit like schools and bursaries? But maybe not that intrusive?

Yeah that would wind me up too. In your shoes, if I was struggling to afford the hobby, I'd approach the committee about my situation.

If you didn't apply for a free space then I don't think you should be resentful. Why not call up on Monday and ask if you can apply?

Sometimes people can be asset rich, especially due to inherited property, but not have much disposable income. She may not be working due to disability or another good reason, like caring responsibilities or similar.
It's also possible she doesn't own the house eg belongs to an elderly relative, so can't move but it isn't her asset.

Get over it.

I mean it kindly, but there is no joy in looking at someone with envy. I find myself in a far more financially difficult position than all of my peers, who pretty much all live easier than I do thanks to generational wealth and I am just happy for them.

Be happy that you are incredibly well off compared to 99% of people in the world and don't focus on the 1% just because you can see them.

I think you have to separate out the fact you are jealous of her house, and whether you can or can't afford the cost of the club.

If you haven't applied, I don't think you can be too resentful that others have.

However, the fees being 'quite expensive' and the alternative being a 'free place' seems odd. Perhaps you could have a conversation with someone from the club to say that you can manage but is there a bit of leeway / reduced fee or something.

So you didn't apply?

We'll apply then, yer daft nugget!

YANBU, she clearly has money and has applied for a freebie on a technicality, when it's meant for disadvantaged children. She's shopping at Ocado and owns a 1.5 million property outright, she can pay for a club.
If the forms only ask about income/earnings she might not have lied but it's not in the spirit of the bursary in my opinion.
Assuming there aren't unlimited free spaces she's potentially taking one from a child who couldn't afford to do the activity otherwise.

It’s not that I want to apply and get a free space, it’s just that I thought the free spaces were to increase opportunity for kids who wouldn’t normally get the chance to do the hobby.

This mum getting a spot for free just feels like another MC person gaming the system. It feels unfair is all!

And I can’t help but feel some resentment - I don’t want to though - I would rather use my energy elsewhere!