To worry a lot about DD growing older and getting into drugs and alcohol?

[Londonder]

I find that the UK has a huge problem with alcohol. Being from a different country, I see this very clearly and it scares me a lot. We don’t drink at home and will try and raise DD to have a healthy relationship with alcohol but still, it does concern me.

On top of this I also worry about drugs. I hear drugs usage amongst teenagers is very high these days (I never even got close to drugs as a teen or ever in my life actually) and this really scares me.

AIBU to worry so much?

How old is she?

The younger generation now are drinking a lot less than previous ones and the rates of non-drinkers in that generation are even higher in London than other parts of the UK (presuming that’s where you live based on your username).

A lot of teens will experiment with some form of drugs and nothing will come of it for most. Is your fear about addiction? Something else?

Young people today drink less and do fewer drugs than previous generations. Your DD is coming into a cohort of people who have a much better relationship with su bstances. Talk to her openly and honestly about drugs and alcohol, answer questions, don't be a blanket prohibitionist and it will be OK.

@eyesfullofstars she is a toddler!!! Hence why I am posting in AIBU! I have never been a drinker (come from a country where being drunk is seen as shameful and I can’t get over the binge drinking culture here in the UK) and ai never did drugs. They scare me for different reasons, mostly addition, health issues and loss of control that can make you very vulnerable.

I have early-20s DDs. We live in London. They in general don’t drink - the occasional beer or glass of wine. They probably drank more as teens at parties. I have never been aware of either being drunk.

@TrueScrumptious do you as parents drink much at home and what approach have you adopted whilst they were growing up?

@pointythings I didn’t know this, was under the impression it was still very common?

Much will depend on their friends. DS (23) barely drink, DD (20) does. Neither do drugs. Nor did my siblings when they grew up (now 30s).

my little one is only 2 and it even worries me. Not so much the alcohol thing but more the drugs, particularly cocaine. When I was at school it wasn’t readily available to people our age. There would be the odd house party where someone would be smoking hash and that seemed ‘wild’ but that was it. It seems over the last few years it’s just exploded though and there are hardly any young people not taking it on nights out 😢 hopefully something changes

It’s irrational and a bit bonkers to worry about this with a toddler.

And please stop with the whole British problem thing. The only person I know to have had their stomach pumped is my 18YO French cousin (very recently as well) despite all the French don’t binge and have such a healthy relationship with alcohol blah blah nonsense that gets spouted. Him and all his friends are in nightclubs ordering spirits by the bottle every weekend.

Stop looking so far ahead. It's crazy! Of course the thought of all that is scary when she's a toddler.

As others have said, it's much more normal for teens to not drink these days. My eldest is 18 and rarely drinks. She's not the only one in her group.

My son is 16 and we've had one daft drinking incident which he has very much learned from and lots of his friends don't drink.

I know many teens that have chosen not to drink. DS's close friends don't, he does, with me or family but is able to self moderate. He doesn't like to be drunk and only really likes medium-dry or dry cider, occasionally wine. He's been to parties with drinking, was drunk at the first and didn't like it, second he maintained a steady level of tipsy and discovered that drunk people make him anxious so didn't want to go to any more parties 😂 . So I'm not worried about him.

I think it’s down to upbringing, individual makeup and friends. I have three children aged 21,19 and 17, none of them have ever come home drunk. I’ve seen no evidence of drugs. We are a very open talking family. I know things can change, but you have to live without worrying about every little might be.

It depends on your basis for comparison. If you come from a country where being drunk is frowned on, it's going to seem like a lot to you - but you need to look at the data. And that tells a story of younger people drinking less and doing fewer drugs. Binge drinking still happens, but a lot of the time it's older and middle aged people who do it.

I have 3 DC aged 20, 21 and 22. Two do not drink at all, the youngest drinks very, very rarely. The 22 year old has tried drugs but is not interested. They are not at all atypical of their peer group.

I drink very moderately - my husband was addicted to alcohol and I hate being out of control, so getting drunk isn't for me. You can lead by example with your DC. Just don't go over the top with it and make it the lure of the forbidden fruit.

Which country did you grow up in?

There can be a culture of binge drinking in the UK but only among a certain demographic. As much as that culture shocks you, I am often surprised by people moving to the UK from more conservative regions, where sexism, racism and extreme religious views designed to keep women oppressed are prevalent, yet it’s alcohol consumption that’s seen as the concern.

Also London. Three teens, 18 and 16yo both been drunk once only.

Both know drugs are around and have chosen not to take them. Sadly a teen from near here died a few years ago from drugs and that has had an impact on them. And the charity set up in their honour has done some amazing work in schools about drugs.

There is far less peer pressure than we had, there's never any pressure to either take drugs or drink if they've chosen not to. I think things are far safer for them than when we were their age.

My brother and I have grown up with parents who like a drink every night (not in an excessive way - just enjoying a single malt in front of the TV). Neither me not my brother (mid-20s) drink much at all. I only drink on rare occasions in company and never to excess. My brother doesn't drink at all. 🤷‍♀️

What country are you from OP?

I'm always bemused that so many MNetters refer to 'their country' but never bother saying what it is

YANBU to worry about this. It's one of my biggest fears (mine are little too). But I think PPs with older kids have sound perspectives and drinking does seem to be in decline these days.

I don’t drink at all now, at home or out socially, but I used to have the occasional glass of wine or beer. Their dad likes beer and will drink it. Both my DDs are very health conscious. I really think the drinking culture has changed amongst younger people, as pp have said.

You are worrying about this way too early! Not all drinking ends in addiction. My oldest enjoys a drink and has twice come home and vomited and claimed “never again”. It’s about education, teach your kids to drink safely.

I think you’re worrying far too soon, yes it will help but it all depends on the mentality of your child. My auntie is a heavy drinker. Her kids like a drink and “a good one” but aren’t no where near like their mum. My mum likes a drink but never shown us her drink until we were really able to drink ourselves.

my partner used to drink ALOT when he was younger doesn’t touch it at all now. I don’t drink either anymore and haven’t for 2 years.

me and my partner both said we wouldn’t be bringing her up around drinking and we won’t. I think it doesn’t help that his ex is a borderline alcoholic and cocaine taker and he feels the need to ensure his son always sees one sober parent.

Ds is 20, drank occasionally at 18 and at uni but now knows there is a link to cancer and it just costs too much money. Ds2 is 17 and hasn't even been bothered about having a sip of any alcoholic drink. Just not interested. Both Dh and I drink 0 alcohol beer, Dh started due to medication, I because just 2 glasses of wine would make me feel ill for 3 days. Ds1 has a couple friends that smoke weed, most of them don't. We travel to the US for holidays and he knows he would be fucked if he got a criminal record for drugs.

I think part of it is down to personality. My two are now young adults. One smokes weed and drinks heavily socially, the other won't touch either. Totally different personalities.

I have a nearly 14yr old DS who finished Y9 today. Someone is having a party and DS thinks some of them will try to smuggle booze in (I know for a fact the mum won’t stand for it), but DS and most of his group of friends aren’t going, precisely because they think some will be drinking & vaping and it’s really frowned upon in his circle.

They are all pretty seriously into their sport and understand it will do nothing at all to help their performance. I realise it’s early days for DS yet, but really can’t see him ever being very interested. DH and I like a glass of wine at the weekend so it’s not come from us!

Where are you from, OP?

I'm from the USA where getting shit-faced as young as possible was a bit badge of honour. And drugs were flipping everywhere. That was the 1970s.

I find Britain genuinely marvelous for how little drugs and drink the teens do.

re drugs: stay away from rich kids. Rich kids have money for drugs (ime).

re booze & the rest: raise your teens to be ambitious and to have self-respect. They won't screw up their lives with drug & drink if they have better plans.