Or is this not a good enough excuse?

[loorpo]

If I say to DP something like "you're controlling" he will say "yes I'm a little protective but that's just the way I am and I'm fine with that, I never tell you who you can socialise with or what to wear".

Or if I point out something that's upsetting me, he will immediately bring up something I do that he thinks is comparable (it never is).

It's an always "yes I do this, but lots of men do this" or "yes I do this, but I'm not a psycho I don't do/say xyz".

Am I going crazy or is this not a productive way to solve problems/respond to conflict?

He’s minimizing and deflecting any concerns you raise to make you think you’re lucky he’s not worse / as bad as you. Massive red flag OP!

What’s an example of how he’s controlling? Just because he’s happy to minimise his behaviour doesn’t mean you have to put up with it.

Doesn't sound like a way to resolve problems at all. It sounds like he wants to shut you up. If someone tells you who they are, listen. If there's things about him you'd like to discuss and change, he's made it clear he's happy as he is and has no intention of changing, even if it upsets you. So you have the choice to put up with it or leave.

Accuses me of sleeping with other men or trying to appeal to them.

Brings up my past and shames me for it.

Then you need to end it. This will only get worse.

This is not okay, OP.

There’s nothing worth staying for here. Chuck this one back.

Get rid of him OP! A man who makes you feel bad and ashamed of your past is not one to spend your life with. Move on QUICKLY!!