Posting on here for more traffic.
looking for advice on what to do.
I have had health conditions for a number of years, slowly getting worse to the point I have tests next week for a potential life threatening condition. My mental health and depression have gotten worse in the past few months because of my health conditions and have been signed off work. This is not the issue however.
I have a longtime friend who I’ve known for about 25 years. She moved to Scotland in our early 20s but we have always stayed in contact. visiting each other and texting most weeks. Organised her hen do and was bridesmaid at her wedding 15 years ago. My friend is a person I consider close, almost like family. My friend herself had a serious life threatening condition about five years ago, so made sure I could support her fully and thankfully is in the clear now.
I love my friend dearly but she can be a little bit self absorbed, maybe even selfish, she’s an only child so is use to having most the attention on her. This has never been an issue previously until now.
Last year during a catch up I told her about my health problems and how I was worried about them. We talked for about five minutes about my concerns then she went back to talking about something else. This really upset me but I didn’t mention that it had to her.
She had a baby shower in September, I couldn’t make it due to work, my health conditions, plus travelling, sorting out a hotel etc which I couldn’t afford. Arranged to meet up in December to meet the newborn baby but due to my health I couldn’t make it. So don’t know if she was upset with me for not coming to both events.
In January my health really deteriorated. Spent time in hospital and signed off work. Was texting my friend to update her on what’s been happening and she didn’t really seem to care. Was I bit upset by this but didn’t want to fall out over it. In April she said she was coming up to visit. Said I would try if I felt okay, on the day I felt ill, so text to say I couldn’t make it. And friend didn’t reply.
Also found that she came upto visit the next month and didn’t let me know. Which I found odd. Found out as she met up with my sister in law (friends through me but have kids same age) I was a bit upset by this as she would normally text when she’s up but can understand that she might have been miffed with me not seeing her the past few times she was up. But still usual behaviour on her part. But tried not to think anything bad of it.
Last month she says she’s coming to visit again, however she only give me a few days notice and wanted to meet on a specific day, but couldn’t make it due to a hospital appt on that day. Which is when I got the news about my potential life threathening health condition.
told my friend about it and replied with a message saying to go private, as her friend had the same condition as me and ended up dying. I can’t afford private with being signed off work, which she knows about and felt this was a totally insensitive comment. I haven’t replied since as I didn’t want negative comments.
I understand with a newborn that she is probably preoccupied but her behaviour just seems off. I understand she may feel I haven’t made an effort with the baby, so is maybe peed off. But if I wasn’t Ill I would have seen her on the days she was up and visited her. Also with her been seriously ill in the past I thought she would have been more sympathetic to what I’m going through. I’ve also been informed if I do have this condition then I won’t be able to have children in the future, which has been debating for me as I always wanted kids.
Shall I just phase this friend out? I honestly don’t know what to think about it all. And is adding stress on top of everything else which I don’t need
thanks for reading of you got this far