For blowing up at husband

[Glowz]

So I am 8 months pregnant, still working with a young child. Over the past 6 months, we’ve sold, then bought another house and moved in with my MIL while things completed, I’m on my kids schools PTA so have been organising multiple fundraisers, sorting budgets, changing addresses twice and studying for exams. We completed on our new house two weeks ago and it was filthy so this took time getting it clean, which I did with the help of my mum whilst looking after kid.

in fairness, husband did help unpack and did the moving with friends and family. Recently things have been getting so on top of me, my exams are in a week, I’ve not revised as much as I could have done.

today I woke up feeling absolutely shite. My head is banging, I feel sick and I’m just knackered as my kid wakes up at 5am and with all the changes he’s not been going down until 9pm which is 1.5 hours later than the usual. He’s just not tired when we start bedtime routine 🙄

I asked my husband to skip going out this weekend just to give me a bit of time to catch up on putting my bits and bobs away, clothes, kids clothes and toys and do some revision but he’s kicking off at me saying he needs time. Baring in mind, he plays sport whenever he wants, never does bedtime put downs or does any chores or tea making.

I totally blew up at him about how I feel unsupported when I need some help and completely just broke down this morning. I wanted to get some cleaning done but I just have no energy and my kid is on a wild one today. AIBU by blowing up at husband?

YANBU.
You really need to see your midwife to get your BP checked.
Headache and nausea is not good.
Do you have any swelling anywhere, or visual disturbances?
Your husband sounds awful. I am sorry.

I’ve seen my midwife and everything is fine, my feet and hands did swell quite quickly but she just said I need to drink more which I do struggle with as I just forget to drink during the day.

Your husband deserves worse than cross words from you OP.

Sometimes blowing up at someone is the only way to cut through.

No it sounds like he deserved it. Just take the day to relax. Leave all the tidying for another day.

Your husband needs to do more, particularly when you feel unwell. There's no reason things like bedtime responsibility can't be shared.

Having said that, I do think you need to take some responsibility for yourself. Why are you doing so much? Does it all need doing or can you delay or stop some things. I would also see the pta stuff as you choosing to do that in your spare time as a hobby in the same way your husband plays sport.

Your marriage is doomed. Unless your husband permanently pulls his head out and realises what a selfish prick he is, your marriage will not go the distance. You are already resentful and furious, imagine how you will feel in 10 years.

So what does your husband actually do around the house and as a parent?

Your DH needs to help out more and you need to take a back seat on pta duty

How old is kid 1?

I'm gobsmacked that in this day and age a Dad isn't doing his share at bedtime.

Is there any reason why he should not feed and settle the older one?

Word for word.
now go and get a big glass of water.

Can you look at bringing maternity forward?

You need to be talking about division of labour for these last few weeks and after the baby is here. Outgrow he night as well move BACK with his mother.

He does what? Pay half the bills and get you pregnant? Anything else useful?

I hope he understands he needs to cancel his plans this weekend OP?

Well done for calling him out.

Tell your H that you're going to your parents/in-laws/a hotel this weekend without the kids, so you can get some proper sleep and focus on your studies.

He is going to have to forgo his sports in favour of being an adult who is a husband and a father and adapt accordingly.

Tell him when you get back late Sunday night (after the kids have been put to bed) you expect the house to be spotless and clothes etc washed and ready for the week.

Put your education above his hobbies for once, as if you don't do it now, the new baby will be here and the opportunity will be missed.

You have BOTH had children, so BOTH of your lives have changed; he doesn't get to act like a single man with zero responsibilities whilst you (a heavily pregnant woman) picks up his slack.

Astounding that any man could allow his heavily pregnant partner to carry so much on her own. For a start I'd strongly work on getting him involved with DC more. How on earth is it going to work when baby arrives with you being the sole person who can do bedtime? What if baby is cluster feeding all evening?
Cut back on the PTA stuff, something has to give and this is so non essential.
It sounds like a blowup was well overdue to be honest.

Yep. You were right to blow up. He needs to step up.

Now pack your books and plan to leave tonight to wherever you can get 2 solid nights sleep with a good study period in between. That is what you need right now!

Why does your husband never do bedtime? And why did you do all the cleaning? Why does he get to do sport etc whenever he wants to? Did you discuss this and agree? Do you get equal “down time”?

In advance of the second baby coming, I would take a long hard look at your partnership. It should be EQUAL in the true sense of the word, with him doing a fair share of cleaning, bedtimes etc. If you do this and his downtime is Saturday nights then fine, that’s not a problem. But if he’s being a lazy arse for the rest of the time then that’s the main problem, not the going out.

You need to sort this now or I guarantee your health will suffer, especially with a new baby on the way.

He never does chores and goes out when he wants? Can't believe you fucked him once let alone twice.

You're heavily pregnant with too many strains on you, he should be supporting you.