To expect DS8 to entertain himself for 20 mins without arguing

[woollencats]

We play with my our 8 year old DS (we WFH and he has a brother close in age) and he has access to garden/toys/crafts.

During any period at home when we need to get on with stuff, he can’t self start his own play without moaning/arguing. I say help me with a chore or find something fun yourself.After 20 mins of moaning, he begrudgingly chooses something but spends about 2 mins on it then abandons it to roll around moping. He’s very active, prefers outdoor play and says he hates playing alone. I can join him outside but obviously not all the time.

Will draw/read for 5 mins. I limit screen time as he gets obsessed then starts acting up and getting physical with his brother after 30 mins of it.

Thinking of the summer holidays...

Perhaps a list he can choose from? I want to encourage him to think for himself.

You could try a structured time - 10-11 am is 'solo play time' and tell him that between 10-11am he can choose what he wants to do and during that time make it your rest time or your chores time or whatever you want to do and just get on with it? You can buy visual timers and set that and then just stick to a narrative of 'im doing x until 11 you need to entertain yourself until 11.
He might find the lack of clarity over what's expected of him too overwhelming and flourish with a bit of structure to his solo play time . If he chooses to spend that hour rolling on the floor moping then so be it, and then at 11 you can play with him a bit. After a few times of the same thing he'll soon learn that spending the hour doing nothing is boring and there's a clear 'end time' to the 'I have to play on my own' type thing?

Just a suggestion - I don't have an 8 yo but the visual timer works wonders for my 2.5 y old

If you go onto Pinterest and type in indoor activities for an 8 year old there are hundreds of suggestions which will help you out too. I agree that structured time for certain activities so there is a start and an end is best. A timer or some clock he can read would be helpful for this. At school they usually have a picture card display on the side of the whiteboard so they know what is happening and when ie English, then reading then break, then maths etc. When he has time scheduled in with you ask him what he wants to do in that time slot, let him have some control over it all.

As for anything physical with his brother that gets shut down immediately. You don't have to threaten a punishment merely ask him what would happen if he behaved that way in school to another classmate. He knows that there will be sanctions so just acknowledging that may make him think twice, ie he knows it would be punished in school so why would it go unpunished at home? Also because he is 8 ask him how he would feel if someone older (and use the age gap between him and his sibling) got physical with him? Explain you love them both and you don't want either of them hurt because it makes you very sad.

Haha I feel your pain. We have a 7 yo and a 9 yo and most of the time WFH. We also limit screen time.

The only thing that we can find to keep them occupied is whatever they are proud of and will say “I’m good at THAT”. Otherwise their main hobby is fighting and bickering between themselves 😁

Thanks all. Yes I told him off for the kicking out and explained I love them both and don't want either of them to get hurt. They do get on well 90% of the time and he's very caring by nature but he does get frustrated on screens and it's not on to take that out on his brother.

I also asked him to come up with a few ideas of what he can do when he's bored and we wrote them down so he can check his 'list'. He liked that.

He loves drawing and garden play (love playing tennis with him) so I'm lucky we have a garden.

I think it's just siblings playing in two different ways.