Daughter wants to go to childminders instead of being with me

[IBTC]

I’ve had a short run of needing to work Saturdays for a project (v unusual).

Ended up using a babysitter that my friend recommended the last three weekends and my 11 yo daughter adored her.

Babysitter is moving away shortly.

Was supposed to use her again this coming weekend but my work thing just got cancelled.

My daughter cried when she found out. She’s only met this woman three times but was devastated (both because she’s had fun but also because she knows she’s moving so we likely won’t see her again).

I’d already paid her (it’s through an agency, so paid in advance).

Do I go out for the day and have her spend the day with my daughter anyway?? I’m a bit gutted that she’d rather be with a near-stranger than me!

I’ve always got bits to do but I work a lot so I love a bit of quality time with my daughter.

Her reasoning was that she sees me all the time but she might never see the babysitter again!

The single mum guilt is killing me whichever decision I make!

Definitely let her go! My DC prefers her nanny and grandma to us 🤷‍♀️. Deep down she has only one mummy! Nanny is just too fun.

I agree with the other pps and wanted to add that your daughter may be upset also by the change in plans. Any change of plans can upset a child, but if it is missing out on saying goodbye to someone when she was anticipating it, I don't think that is about her preferring her childminder to you.

Enjoy the time to yourself.

It is unanimous - go and have a fabulous time!

I think age 11 is when they often look up to people in a way becoming more aware of adults a bit different to their parents and if she's found a nice connection that's quite nice! Enjoy!! Let us know what you do with your day!

She just likes the novelty of a new face I expect! I would let her go and have fun ,have a rest /do some odd jobs .Maybe plan a pizza night together this evening and some Ice Cream /movies to watch?

Oh bless you. She has a new grown up playmate and she knew this would be the last time she'd get to see her - it doesn't mean anything about you as a mother!

You'd probably feel similarly if you made an amazing new pal and thought you'd get one more opportunity to see her that was thence cancelled at the last minute because you had to look after your daughter. It wouldn't mean you preferred that pal to your daughter!

Absolutely take this as a win-win and have an indulgent day doing whatever you want to do guilt-free. It sounds like you've earned it!

You deserve a day to yourself, your daughter enjoys it there plus you've paid in advance. Enjoy a day to yourself, it may not happen again for a long time

Definitely let her go. My toddler DS used to cry for his favourite nursery worker at weekends if he was teething/unwell. I looked on the bright side - that my son was well loved and cared for whilst I was at work. He's a proper mummy's boy now at 10 though!

Thanks all! I went out for the day to see my cousin! She had the best time and was super happy to see me and tell me all about it when we were reunited.

So glad I posted. Sometimes MN is a rough place but this has been so uplifting!