Mum driving me nuts

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She just never has anything nice to say !

She's come to visit and everything is not good enough.

She's making me feel like I'm a terrible mother/woman.

She went off on one tonight because she doesn't think the cloths I use to wipe surfaces are sanitary enough.
She also couldn't believe I washed my DD without a flannel.

Is it really that bad ? She then berated me for having too much laundry to do. It's just everything.

She says nothing nice, ever. It's all awful. I'm trying to remain calm and have told her that I'm happy with how I do things and I don't like her negative comments and she's said I'm being unreasonable and she's just trying to teach me how to improve. I'm nearly 40 years old and a mother of two with a full time job- how can I still not be good enough in her eyes, just because I don't do every little thing the way she would do it ?

I'm really frustrated by it. It makes me feel pretty low, how shit she thinks I am.

Can anyone relate ? Yes I know you're all going to berate me for letting it bother me.

I certainly won’t berate you.
Was she a sahm? Times change (for some). Working full time with kids is bloody challenging. Next time say oh mum, what a charmed life you must have had that the wrong dishcloth was a worry!

Ha. I wondered if you were my sister as I began reading but the details say not. We both know exactly what you mean. I like to think it comes from a good place in that they just want the 'best' for us and think they are helping but most of the time it's just bloody annoying. If mine thinks and says that we, for example, need more hand towels for the kitchen and I disagree, next time she comes, she brings us some. Ditto mattress protectors, kitchen utensils etc. Generous but still bloody annoying!

Her opinion means nothing. You are a fantastic mother and doing your best.

Is there any way you can cut down how much you see her?

I would show my mum the door if she was like that.
Tell her that her comments are not wanted nor helpful, it is your house, your children and she will have to learn to bite her tongue if she wants to visit again, you are her child but not a child anymore she should respect how you live your life.

I'm really trying not to lose my cool about it.

I've just said things like ' I don't appreciate that ' ' can you just leave it ' this is negative and unnecessary. It's my litt snd I can handle it. My kids are fine, even if you think I don't look after then we well as you would.

Eventually I just explode and tell her F off. Then she says I'm a terrible person for talking to her they way,

I'm really trying not to explode and tell her to F off.

“Unsolved advice is criticism and completely unwelcome. If you can’t stop, you need to leave.”

She’s not going to stop unless she has to. Being shown the door a few times might teach her to mind her own business.

"Oh, do shut up, Mum!"

Well since your house is a show home, why don't we meet there from now on?

You are a saint for putting up with her. Maybe don't have her to visit again - it sounds way too stressful

How do you wash a child without a flannel?

Tell her that her critical and unhelpful remarks are not welcome. Tell her that if she can’t stop complaining that you won’t have her round any more.

I’m having similar with my mum too. Is it an age thing? and think they can say what they like? She’s so disapproving of most things, it’s definitely got worse. Maybe, as I’m not run ragged with my boys anymore I’m noticing it now.
Your doing great, ignore it as I am trying to, but it’s infuriating!

Old people don’t change. If you decide to have it out with her - even piling on the emotion - the chances are she would find a way of deflecting and turning this back on you.
Damage limitation is your only strategy. Reduce the number of visits and grow a thick skin.

You need to put some distance between you

Can you really not think of the answer to this question yourself? Put soap on hands, rub it on child, rinse. Job done.