To think that this isn't equitable?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

Actually I know IABU and petty, but just need to vent a bit.

I am one of two siblings. My sister lives in Australia, I live in the UK. My mum has a thing about fairness and treating us the same, which is fine.

I love my Mum, we are very close and very similar in many ways.

Two years ago she moved a considerable distance away. We used to be about 80 minutes drive from each other, and saw each other a lot (Covid excepted).

She's now moved to about a 4 hour drive away, which is tricky as I work FT, so if I go first thing on Saturday and come back after lunch on Sunday, I only get to see her for 24 hours and I've basically used up my whole weekend.

Last year she went to stay with my sister for 5 weeks. Obviously, because of the distance, she needed to stay a reasonable time which is fine.

I've just had a phone conversation with Mum where she's said she's now booked another trip to my sister for later this year, for another 6 weeks.

This year, she's been to visit me once, for a week. I've invited her to come in the autumn for another week but she told me she wasn't sure as it's a long drive (4 hours). I've been to visit her for a long weekend over Easter and am going again in October.

So, within the space of 14 months, she will have stayed with my sister for 11 weeks and with me for one, possibly two if I can persuade her to come in the autumn.

I'm aware I sound really childish, but it's passing me off that she will.move Heaven and earth to see my sister but not me.

I also appreciate that she's in her 80s and possibly thinks that she has to make the most of going to Australia whilst she can, but that doesn't mean she can't come and see me does it?

@EmmaGrundyForPM are you worrying that she actually doesn't want to spend time with you and is coming up with excuses? Would you feel comfortable asking her if there is an issue?

@DwightShrutesgirlfriend possibly. I can ask her.

I guess I'm.missing the relationship we had before she moved away. We used to meet half way and have lunch, go shopping etc. It feels like she's prepared to make a lot of effort to see my sister but not to see me.

I absolutely get that she wants to travel to Australia whilst she still can, but I'm worried that it won't be too long until she can't manage motorway /long distance driving as well.

Then I think I’d tell her just what you said here - that you miss the way things were - and ask what you can do to facilitate time together. I would totally ignore any comparison with the time she spends with your sister as the circumstances are very different. Hope you achieve a happy outcome.

I dont think you are being petty at all. If she can drive to France then she can drive to you. I would be pissed off about this, but I would also mention it next time we spoke and if she came up with an excuse I would point that out too!